Emotions....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 63
Emotions....
My husband is a 29 year old alcoholic. Last changed everything for me. It forced me to realize that he has had this addiction ever since we've been together. Now I won't lie I used to get drunk right along with him until I woke up in another room with different clothes on then what I had on earlier that day. Today I may drink wine but no harsh liquor and I REFUSE to get drunk. I have gone from being calm, to frazzeled, angry, to sad, loving him to having a strong dislike for him. I don't want a divorce but I don't want to continue living like this either.... it seems as if he hates me, no matter what I do its not good enough. I have tried to "fix" the problem the whole time we've been together....
I don't know what to do anymore. I've lost myself. I don't know what makes me happy, I've gained weight and stopped caring about my appearance. At times I feel stupid and worthless. Idk what to do anymore
I don't know what to do anymore. I've lost myself. I don't know what makes me happy, I've gained weight and stopped caring about my appearance. At times I feel stupid and worthless. Idk what to do anymore
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Change begins with you.
So for 29 years nothing has changed. His disease is progressing, and your life is continuing to spiral out of control.
You will find amazing support here. We all understand what it is to live with an active alcoholic. We really get it.
Al Anon is a great face to face support group.
The first thing I would do is start taking better care of myself, and addressing my own needs. Sorry to say, there is nothing you can do to help/ fix him, he has to choose that for himself.
You are not worthless, or stupid my friend. You are living with an active addict and feeling the repercussions of 29 years of riding the crazy train.
Take your life back. Do what's best for you.
So for 29 years nothing has changed. His disease is progressing, and your life is continuing to spiral out of control.
You will find amazing support here. We all understand what it is to live with an active alcoholic. We really get it.
Al Anon is a great face to face support group.
The first thing I would do is start taking better care of myself, and addressing my own needs. Sorry to say, there is nothing you can do to help/ fix him, he has to choose that for himself.
You are not worthless, or stupid my friend. You are living with an active addict and feeling the repercussions of 29 years of riding the crazy train.
Take your life back. Do what's best for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 63
Marie 1960,
Thank you so much. I would love to go to Al-Anon but the closest one to me is in another city and I'm not driving at the moment. I have been reading articles on detachment though. I'm going to start focusing on me though. I do have a birthday coming up in May that I'm trying to get excited for. So for me that's a start.
Thank you so much. I would love to go to Al-Anon but the closest one to me is in another city and I'm not driving at the moment. I have been reading articles on detachment though. I'm going to start focusing on me though. I do have a birthday coming up in May that I'm trying to get excited for. So for me that's a start.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: deep south
Posts: 23
Hi ChivonYvette,
After reading your initial comment, I wanted to tell you I had the identical experiences until January I moved out. But we're both 57, and have been together for 7 years. I participated alongside him for a very long time but I too realized how i ws participating so I stopped. I went through same hurt feelings, anger, dislike, even loathing him... till I left.
He started his sobriety 6 weeks after I left, is going to meetings most days too which I'm very happy about. But he has tremendous anger towards me for leaving him, abandoning him, in his words actually...
My story is longer than this, but I wanted to tell you that I relate even though we have a significant age difference. It's hard. I'm very sad so I've started attending Al-Anon meetings over the phone. You can get the meeting list online if you want to try them. They have helped me a lot! I'm doing extensive reading as well to help me overcome my grief, plus learn to detach so I can quit being in control of every thing - because nothing works
Keep coming to SR and there are extensive writiings here that will help you, like they're helping me.
Kind regards,
Happytobehere57
After reading your initial comment, I wanted to tell you I had the identical experiences until January I moved out. But we're both 57, and have been together for 7 years. I participated alongside him for a very long time but I too realized how i ws participating so I stopped. I went through same hurt feelings, anger, dislike, even loathing him... till I left.
He started his sobriety 6 weeks after I left, is going to meetings most days too which I'm very happy about. But he has tremendous anger towards me for leaving him, abandoning him, in his words actually...
My story is longer than this, but I wanted to tell you that I relate even though we have a significant age difference. It's hard. I'm very sad so I've started attending Al-Anon meetings over the phone. You can get the meeting list online if you want to try them. They have helped me a lot! I'm doing extensive reading as well to help me overcome my grief, plus learn to detach so I can quit being in control of every thing - because nothing works
Keep coming to SR and there are extensive writiings here that will help you, like they're helping me.
Kind regards,
Happytobehere57
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by happytobehere57 
Hi ChivonYvette,
After reading your initial comment, I wanted to tell you I had the identical experiences until January I moved out. But we're both 57, and have been together for 7 years. I participated alongside him for a very long time but I too realized how i ws participating so I stopped. I went through same hurt feelings, anger, dislike, even loathing him... till I left.
He started his sobriety 6 weeks after I left, is going to meetings most days too which I'm very happy about. But he has tremendous anger towards me for leaving him, abandoning him, in his words actually...
My story is longer than this, but I wanted to tell you that I relate even though we have a significant age difference. It's hard. I'm very sad so I've started attending Al-Anon meetings over the phone. You can get the meeting list online if you want to try them. They have helped me a lot! I'm doing extensive reading as well to help me overcome my grief, plus learn to detach so I can quit being in control of every thing - because nothing works
Keep coming to SR and there are extensive writiings here that will help you, like they're helping me.
Kind regards,
Happytobehere57
After reading your initial comment, I wanted to tell you I had the identical experiences until January I moved out. But we're both 57, and have been together for 7 years. I participated alongside him for a very long time but I too realized how i ws participating so I stopped. I went through same hurt feelings, anger, dislike, even loathing him... till I left.
He started his sobriety 6 weeks after I left, is going to meetings most days too which I'm very happy about. But he has tremendous anger towards me for leaving him, abandoning him, in his words actually...
My story is longer than this, but I wanted to tell you that I relate even though we have a significant age difference. It's hard. I'm very sad so I've started attending Al-Anon meetings over the phone. You can get the meeting list online if you want to try them. They have helped me a lot! I'm doing extensive reading as well to help me overcome my grief, plus learn to detach so I can quit being in control of every thing - because nothing works
Keep coming to SR and there are extensive writiings here that will help you, like they're helping me.
Kind regards,
Happytobehere57
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