Mirage74

I almost drank last night. It was about 6PM and I was sitting at home and I was stewing about something that is aggravating me, and it occured to me how great it would be to take a drink. I got up to go to the liquor store. I got to the door and it hit me - "This is what happens every time. You'll have to start all over ...AGAIN." So, I got in my car and went to an AA meeting instead. That calmed me down. I made it thorough the night and right now I'm so glad I didn't drink.

It's unreal how my mind can do such a 180. At that point last night, all I wanted to do was drink. Right now, I'm the opposite, so glad I didn't drink. And when I did drink, I would hate myself in the morning. Is that the addiction? How can your mind go from not wanting to drink at all in the morning to wanting to drink so bad it hurts in the afternoon, all in about 8-12 hours? It's unreal how powerful this thing is. It actually kind of ticks me off that I have this insidious thing...I've done so much damage

Mountainmanbob

quitforme79

This disease is "cunning, baffling & powerful" for sure. Like onehigherpower says, we have to be on guard with our thoughts. They can come on strong & sometimes without warning but the farther in you get, your toolbox to deal w them sober will get fuller. I too woke up this morning thinking about how grateful I am not to have a hangover. The sun was shining in & I got up clear headed to enjoy my day. Last night, I thought of a drink & although it was fleeting it scared me. Great job on catching yourself & going to a meeting instead. You're doing awesome

DG0409

You probably drank a lot longer than you've been quit for, so it's natural for your brain to forget that you've changed your behavior. Since you spent so long drinking in response to certain situations, your brain thinks it's helping you by saying, "Hey buddy, it's time for a drink" when it sees that situation. Our brains can be a little slow to learn, so for a few weeks, you're gonna have to remind it, "No, that is what the old me did at times like this. The new me finds a different way to handle it." Eventually your brain will learn the new you and then when the situation comes up, it will tell you, "Hey buddy, time to take a few deep breaths and calm down." Give your brain a little time to learn the new you.

aasharon90

Mirage....

There are so many in the same situation
as you, wanting to drink or use and don't
know what to do or afraid to go to recovery
meetings.

Because you stopped at the door, had a
moment of clarity, you had time to make
a wise and healthy decision to go to a
meeting instead of going to get alcohol.

Would you like to share what you heard
at your meeting that helped you make it
thru the night without drinking?

So many may have gone to a meeting
and left discourage or early without hearing
the messages of hope and ended up drunk,
ashamed, frustrated, angry because they
felt weak in their will to drink.

So many members, like myself, need to hear
your own ESH - experiences, strengths and
hopes of what is helping you stay sober one
more day.

In sharing, you will find that it gives you strength
and hope to stay sober for a many days at a time
down the road as you continue on your recovery
journey.

Zebra1275

I'm glad you didn't drink and were able to recognize the thoughts and behaviors that might have led to you drinking. Everyday day you stay sober is a victory and as the days build it gets a little easier.

Mirage74

Thanks for the replies. Aasharon, let me first say that I have been to many AA meetings the past few years, and ended up drinking later, so I can say that I am definitely not one of those that got it the first time. It has taken countless attempts at controlled drinking to finally realize that I just can't do it. As far as yesterday, it was a small meeting, only about 10 people. They were talking about "Keep coming back. Don't drink, and keep coming back." There was actually a lot of silence (people not sharing), so it wasn't the best meeting. But for me, I think it was just being there, it was like a relief. Being in the same room with people who struggle with alcoholism, just like me. I heard people share about how they ended up in prison, or psych ward, because the disease gets progressively worse. It just reminded me that that could be me, if I keep drinking. But it's a daily struggle. I have to keep reminding me of those things, of the consequences of my drinking. Because if I don't, I easily forget them and go back to drinking. I'm only on day 5, so it's a daily struggle...

aasharon90

Thank you Mirage. Im glad you used one
of many recovery tools to help you stay
sober one more day. That is awesome..!!

Dee74

Good for you Mirage74

D

Pedro1234

I am in the early stages of recovery and am fighting that demon in my head at least a dozen times a day. I guess it gets easier each time you fight the craving off (I hope). Well done on your little victory in not taking a drink!

Dave42001

I love reading post like this!!! Kudos to you!! Keep up the good work tonight.. One day at a time!!

Deluxe

I got to the door and it hit me - "This is what happens every time"

THIS! This is what got me on the road to being sober. Recognising the sneaky ****** little thoughts that are akin to throwing a match onto a gas soaked pile of wood. Those insane and yet seemingly simple, harmless and innocuous little ideas that pop into your head. "oh it'll be just fine. It'll be relaxing and I'll control it".

I also get the almost overwhelming gratitude when you wake up the next morning and are so thankful that you didn't drink. I would also be alarmed that I had actually considered drinking too.

Power to you my friend!

LastDrinkToday

I understand what you mean. I always wanted (and still want) a drink so bad, but as soon as I'm drunk and the initial waves of relief have washed over me I hate myself for drinking again.