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Court date Monday and he's doing everything he can to try to destroy me



Court date Monday and he's doing everything he can to try to destroy me

Old 04-13-2013, 01:48 AM
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Court date Monday and he's doing everything he can to try to destroy me

Friday 4:30pm. I get an email from the law office. AH tried to get the court date annuled because he wants everything legal done in the U.S. he filed for divorce there a week ago. He wants the house and full physical and legal custody of the children. He wants me to pay child support. There is now a court date set for a divorce May 5 in the U.S.

The court here in Europe refused the annulment. Monday afternoon the show will go on.

Amazingly, I started freaking out big time, and then realized this is another one of those crises he is fabricating to make me upset.

Swam 2.5 km with my friends this morning. Had a nice talk with my daughter. The sun is shining in our mountain village and the workers are out cleaning the cobblestones.

With great suffering has come an incredible joy for all the beauty each day brings.

Thank you so for being there my friends.
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Old 04-13-2013, 05:02 AM
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I am sorry he has chosen this route. Clearly he has no issue spending monies that could go to your family and prefers to hand them over to an attorney. Hopefully at some point he will realize that when he takes from you by trying to punish you he is really taking from himself.

I just went through this with a friend who divorced though no addiction issues in the marriage. She filed, the husband who is a member of one of the most prominent families in our city (i.e. extremely wealthy) fought her to the death in the divorce. Tried for full custody, tried to prove her unfit, tried to leave her destitute, tried to ruin her reputation - tried everything. In the end they settled 2 years down the road....she got her fair share and shared custody of the children. He spent 1 million dollars with his attorneys. He got no more or less than he would have had he negotiated with her in the first place.

Now they are completely friendly. Just the route he had to go. Seems that Shootingstar1 went through this as well and just this week settled with - exactly what was fair.

Sorry he is being so stubborn - glad you are finding joy in life anyway!
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Old 04-13-2013, 05:39 AM
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Sorry he is behaving like such a child, but OTOH, what else would we expect?

Glad to see you have it in perspective--this is a tantrum he is throwing, and, no doubt, an intimidation tactic.

redatlanta is right, there is every possibility this will all work out just fine in the end. Let it play out, and don't let yourself get jerked around by his manipulations. He can be like the puppetmaster whose strings got cut--waving his arms around while the puppet is sitting in a lovely city watching the workers clean the cobblestones. Have a latte or a cappuccino while you're at it, eh?
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Old 04-13-2013, 07:07 AM
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Pippi, just hold your ground and stay as calm, cool and collected as you can. Be logical, have all the paperwork at your fingertips, stay rational.

What happened in my 4 way negotiation meeting with AH, and the 2 lawyers was that AH revealed himself for what he really was very quickly. His demanding, his ultimatums, his twisted "facts" did not go over well in the context of a legal meeting. He walked out of the meeting before it had barely begun and essentially threw a tantrum. Within 5 minutes, it was clear that he was totally out of control.

I persuaded him to come back to the negotiation, and I made sure that he knew I wanted him to have what he wanted most - his income stream from his retirement accounts and the rental home for income and as his "lifeboat". It was very difficult, but we perservered. He had a legitimate complaint about a financial transfer in which the bank apparently didn't put his money in the right account, so resolving that helped. Gradually the wind left his sales, and after 2 hours, he signed the agreement on the spot.

I believe you will find that people in the legal system - lawyers and Judges - are used to working with facts, the truth, what can be proven with valid documentation. Histrionics, power plays, tantrums are not viewed with favor, so people who do that discredit themselves quickly.

It may help if you think of this with you almost as a bystander; your AH now has a grand podium from which to reveal his madness, grandiousity, and his punitive, vindictive intent. And his audience are people who will see this for what it is, and they have the power to squelch him.

Think of him as Oz in the Wizard of Oz. Behind that grand screen with all its grandiose bells, whistles, noise, is just a very little man making a very big noise.

PM me if you'd like,

ShootingStar1
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Old 04-14-2013, 01:11 PM
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Thank you so much for the support!!!

I am not sure what papers to have ready, exactly. Seems like I am going to need a suitcase full. I think this is mostly about ironing out the money and the visits with the children. My lawyer has been on vacation for the past two weeks and hasn't said anything about paperwork.

I am trying to stay calm and focused. Though there are so many issues! But I think the court will want to keep things efficient and as straight forward as possible.

My family is really in God's - and the court's - hands.

At the same time, I sure would appreciate any more advice about how to prepare and dress and such!
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Old 04-15-2013, 04:20 AM
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Pippi, here to wish you very very good luck today! With the time difference, you may already be at the hearing or done, my thoughts have been with you the whole time.

Let us know how it goes,

ShootingStar1
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Old 04-15-2013, 05:25 AM
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I believe you will find that people in the legal system - lawyers and Judges - are used to working with facts, the truth, what can be proven with valid documentation. Histrionics, power plays, tantrums are not viewed with favor, so people who do that discredit themselves quickly.
Yes! My ex looked ridiculous. All his huffing and puffing before the hearing was just noise.
He arrived late, smelling of alcohol, and had his crack voice.
He defeated himself. Just as any alcoholic does.

Pippi, I am thinking of you today. I am sending you strength and peace.

Beth
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Old 04-15-2013, 01:58 PM
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It was a very hard day. My lawyer was not well prepared. AH's lawyer was. And she was very noisy and aggressive, interrupting and bringing up every possible issue when I didn't have the opportunity to reply. She is pretty and a horrible person. She said what AH wanted her to say and it hurt. And it was tons of ridiculous lies and accusations. His lawyer argued strongly to have the whole case heard in the U.S. I already went through lawyer 1, when trying for a "friendly divorce" seemed marginally feasible. This is lawyer 2.

To have a divorce play out in the U.S. means what do I do with the children while I am there? How do I pay to get there? I can't pay my bills any more.

The court will decide about whether it has jurisdiction or not in the next weeks. In the meantime they are sticking with the restraining order and he is still supposed to give me the pension - but he isn't

Then my oldest son and daughter are acting out all over the place tonight.

There's more but I have to get some rest.

The most successful part of my day was in my second court appearance of the day. When it was the criminal complaint and I talked about alcoholism. Thanks to all of you here, I could talk like an expert!
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Old 04-15-2013, 08:48 PM
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Old 04-15-2013, 09:40 PM
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The most successful part of my day was in my second court appearance of the day. When it was the criminal complaint and I talked about alcoholism. Thanks to all of you here, I could talk like an expert!
He has a criminal complaint filed against him? That cannot go over well with the family courts.

He has a restraining order and he is not complying with the courts rule to pay part of his pension?

I think you might have a little less to worry about because he seems to be digging his own hole.

Keep doing the next right thing for you.

Beth

:ghug3
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Old 04-16-2013, 05:08 AM
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I agree with Beth. I think you are making out better than you think you are.

And having a loud, pretty, aggressive lawyer doesn't tend to "play" as well with the judges as it does with the client. Your husband probably thinks she's awesome. Big deal. The judge is going to look at the law, not the lawyers.

Keep breathing.
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Old 04-16-2013, 09:38 AM
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((((((Pippi,))))))
I've been thinking about you and your court date. I was "off the grid" for the weekend and scanned the board for a post from you as soon as I logged on. The experience sounds pretty awful. But I think Lexie, Wicked and ShoootingStar are right on. Let him bluster - the court/judge will be unimpressed I'm sure.
I understand how it must make you feel. MY STBXAH behaves in similar ways. My first reactions are panic or fear or despair. Then I post here and am reminded of the reality of the situation and the way our As behave - and my trained responses to that behavior. His threats of hiring a notorious pitbull lawyer have fallen flat - there's been no entry of appearance for counsel -he still represents himself. I let myself get whipped up about it when I should have known it was "that man behind the curtain"
Let your logical brain analyze this - step back and see him as objective observers would.
His alcoholic bubble of a world where he controls everything is likely going to be popped by the system.
I'm wishing you well. Stay strong. My court date is looming - and I will face a similar blustering baffoon! Let's be strong together!
Hugs
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