Im at a loss...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 10
Im at a loss...
Hi there everyone!
I am new to the website and I'm in sort of a struggle with my life and looking for advice from those who have experienced much more then I have. I will tell you a little about my dilemma in hopes to find some clarity and I will try to get to the point of the story as easy as I can. I am venting so just bare with me please.
I am 21 yrs old and I have been with my 20 yr old boyfriend for almost 4 years. We pretty much were high school sweethearts and its comforting having him next to me. He was never one to have the mentality to do drugs and I don't do drugs because of my father who is a homeless alcoholic who I don't keep close contact with anymore because of the emotional struggle and because it is difficult to keep track of where he is when he is homeless. Anyways, after highschool, that is when your real adult life begins and you find out more about yourself. This is what exactly happend and I found myself wanting to go to nursing school and have a good life ahead of me. My boyfriend on the other hand didn't have much direction to know where to go in his life and never had goals or a supportive family because his family are all addicts themselves, so I see how its difficult for him to get motivation but being that his family are all addicts you would think he'd want to break the cycle but it didn't quite work out that way. I am in nursing school now and he is lazy and at home doing nothing. He has gotten laid off from minimum wage jobs he's had because of the economy. The more older we both get, the more I realize how we are on two different paths and wanting different things.
Now to the main part of the story! My boyfriend is a crack addict and a type 1 diabetic (those two don't mix well). He started 2 years ago and got in with the wrong guy and now he is hooked. At first I had no idea, he hid it and I sure wasn't looking for the signs because I didn't know. I started realizing he was cutting our time together short a lot, not showing up places or just keeping his distance from me. Things got more serious down the road with crack and he has been the devil on this stuff. I never seen him on it because he does it alone in his room but he has stolen so much money from everyone and started to sell things back to stores to get cash for them, mind you those things weren't his, they were things of the family. He even was about to sell his car for $200 cuz he was fiening one night and that car is the family car so he would have been screwed. Anyways. I have had many sleepless nights because of him just worried sick and wondering why? He is the sweetest person when he isn't on drugs and he's just full of life but when he's on drugs, he is so evil and doesn't care about anything but his next fix. He has been hospitalized numerous times for what I guess you would say an overdose and his blood sugar sky rockets up to 700 when he uses crack which is scary. He will stop using crack for several weeks or months and once he sees money laying around, that's when he will start up again. It is crazy because he becomes a theif and he uses in a split second. I wonder why he doesn't confide in me and call me up when he feels the urge to use which kills me because I feel like he doesn't care but I want to be there for him when he has these urges. He's turned into a very anxious person ever since he's used crack and can be very on edge.
I have been on and off with him so many times and I just feel lost. I love him so much but I just get so frustrated when me and him talk one on one and he will tell me he's fine and so happy he's been sober for however many months and he will have a positive outlook on life but then next thing you know, his actions contradict what he is telling me. It happends when you least expect it to because you think they are getting better and it all changes. I feel like he expects me to come back every time he messes up and that's the problem with me. I am not stern enough to let go and move on. I am not a fighter so I rather just not hold a grudge, let things go and move on from the situation. But I want him to know that when he messes up, I will be gone but I can never stick to my word! My head knows how bad of a situation this is but my heart is doing the opposite and I get sucked back in. He was hospitalized two days ago and is home now and going for rehab next week. He wants to go and better himself but I am a realist. I know that once you go to rehab, no matter how long you go for, if you are in the same environment, you will do the same mistakes. I'm trying to think positive but I just don't believe he will ever be cured, this is going to be a life long battle for him and if only he knew that taking his first hit was going to lead him where he is now, I don't think he would have took it. So I am looking for advice and wondering do you really think rehab works for a crack addict? What will they do in rehab to help him? I am also scared to move on and let go of him because I feel he will harm himself and just overdose on crack because when he uses, he goes out on binges which is so scary to think about. I am curious as to what happens when there is a crack overdose and what are the odds of dying from this stuff? Also how am I going to let go and am I ready to let go? I don't think I am because I keep taking him back like its no big deal. I need help, I feel like I have major issues!
I am new to the website and I'm in sort of a struggle with my life and looking for advice from those who have experienced much more then I have. I will tell you a little about my dilemma in hopes to find some clarity and I will try to get to the point of the story as easy as I can. I am venting so just bare with me please.
I am 21 yrs old and I have been with my 20 yr old boyfriend for almost 4 years. We pretty much were high school sweethearts and its comforting having him next to me. He was never one to have the mentality to do drugs and I don't do drugs because of my father who is a homeless alcoholic who I don't keep close contact with anymore because of the emotional struggle and because it is difficult to keep track of where he is when he is homeless. Anyways, after highschool, that is when your real adult life begins and you find out more about yourself. This is what exactly happend and I found myself wanting to go to nursing school and have a good life ahead of me. My boyfriend on the other hand didn't have much direction to know where to go in his life and never had goals or a supportive family because his family are all addicts themselves, so I see how its difficult for him to get motivation but being that his family are all addicts you would think he'd want to break the cycle but it didn't quite work out that way. I am in nursing school now and he is lazy and at home doing nothing. He has gotten laid off from minimum wage jobs he's had because of the economy. The more older we both get, the more I realize how we are on two different paths and wanting different things.
Now to the main part of the story! My boyfriend is a crack addict and a type 1 diabetic (those two don't mix well). He started 2 years ago and got in with the wrong guy and now he is hooked. At first I had no idea, he hid it and I sure wasn't looking for the signs because I didn't know. I started realizing he was cutting our time together short a lot, not showing up places or just keeping his distance from me. Things got more serious down the road with crack and he has been the devil on this stuff. I never seen him on it because he does it alone in his room but he has stolen so much money from everyone and started to sell things back to stores to get cash for them, mind you those things weren't his, they were things of the family. He even was about to sell his car for $200 cuz he was fiening one night and that car is the family car so he would have been screwed. Anyways. I have had many sleepless nights because of him just worried sick and wondering why? He is the sweetest person when he isn't on drugs and he's just full of life but when he's on drugs, he is so evil and doesn't care about anything but his next fix. He has been hospitalized numerous times for what I guess you would say an overdose and his blood sugar sky rockets up to 700 when he uses crack which is scary. He will stop using crack for several weeks or months and once he sees money laying around, that's when he will start up again. It is crazy because he becomes a theif and he uses in a split second. I wonder why he doesn't confide in me and call me up when he feels the urge to use which kills me because I feel like he doesn't care but I want to be there for him when he has these urges. He's turned into a very anxious person ever since he's used crack and can be very on edge.
I have been on and off with him so many times and I just feel lost. I love him so much but I just get so frustrated when me and him talk one on one and he will tell me he's fine and so happy he's been sober for however many months and he will have a positive outlook on life but then next thing you know, his actions contradict what he is telling me. It happends when you least expect it to because you think they are getting better and it all changes. I feel like he expects me to come back every time he messes up and that's the problem with me. I am not stern enough to let go and move on. I am not a fighter so I rather just not hold a grudge, let things go and move on from the situation. But I want him to know that when he messes up, I will be gone but I can never stick to my word! My head knows how bad of a situation this is but my heart is doing the opposite and I get sucked back in. He was hospitalized two days ago and is home now and going for rehab next week. He wants to go and better himself but I am a realist. I know that once you go to rehab, no matter how long you go for, if you are in the same environment, you will do the same mistakes. I'm trying to think positive but I just don't believe he will ever be cured, this is going to be a life long battle for him and if only he knew that taking his first hit was going to lead him where he is now, I don't think he would have took it. So I am looking for advice and wondering do you really think rehab works for a crack addict? What will they do in rehab to help him? I am also scared to move on and let go of him because I feel he will harm himself and just overdose on crack because when he uses, he goes out on binges which is so scary to think about. I am curious as to what happens when there is a crack overdose and what are the odds of dying from this stuff? Also how am I going to let go and am I ready to let go? I don't think I am because I keep taking him back like its no big deal. I need help, I feel like I have major issues!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I never seen him on it because he does it alone in his room but he has stolen so much money from everyone and started to sell things back to stores to get cash for them, mind you those things weren't his, they were things of the family. He even was about to sell his car for $200 cuz he was fiening one night and that car is the family car so he would have been screwed.
Can rehab help him? Maybe. Some go through rehab once and stay on a good path. Others, like my son may go 20 times or more and only gather brief intervals of sobriety, as much as 3 years for my son once, and then relapse right back into the darkness of addiction. Some die, sadly we have lost many loved ones here and it breaks my heart each time.
Crack takes a long time to overcome. Rehab for crack addiction should be 6 months to a year to be effective at all. I worked at a rehab for 2 years and saw the difference in recovery time varying for each drug, and crack was one of the worst because it takes time for the brain chemistry to become balanced again to a point where they can live without the drug, or another replacement drug.
You are in nursing school and have a whole life ahead of you where you can live in happiness and help the sick. You can't help an active addict. If love could save them, not one of us would be here.
If you were my daughter I would suggest that you pray for him and move on with your life. There is so much more to live for, and so much life to live.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome to SR.....this is a great forum with plenty of collective wisdom.
Is it possible to get sober from crack. Sure...but sustained sobriety takes a lot of work and strong motivation. There is nothing you can do to provide that motivation for him. If our love could cure addiction or motivate an addict to get clean, none of us would be here.
There are a number of books that can help you begin to take care of you and begin the process of detaching from your bf's addiction. "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie is a good one to start with. It's a good idea to begin looking closely at yourself so that you can better understand what you are getting out of the relationship.
Take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke
Is it possible to get sober from crack. Sure...but sustained sobriety takes a lot of work and strong motivation. There is nothing you can do to provide that motivation for him. If our love could cure addiction or motivate an addict to get clean, none of us would be here.
There are a number of books that can help you begin to take care of you and begin the process of detaching from your bf's addiction. "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie is a good one to start with. It's a good idea to begin looking closely at yourself so that you can better understand what you are getting out of the relationship.
Take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke
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