Sad Sad Quackery
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
Sad Sad Quackery
Brother #3 who is in active addiction sends text messages or makes phone calls when he wants something. If he doesn't need anything, I don't hear from him. He never asks how I am doing, of course.
His MO is to complain about how horrible he's been treated by our parents and tell me one of three things:
- They just treated me better than him
- I am blocking out the memories because I can't handle the truth
- I deny it because I'm afraid Dad will cut me off financially
I'd explain why these things are not true but this isn't a comedic relief thread.
In addition, he has recently taken to threatening his own life (I called the cops, he was apparently just hanging out around the house and told them we were having a family disagreement.) and veiled threats toward our 70 year old Dad (didn't call the cops since it was written in such a way that he could easily explain it away.)
After the sob stories where he literally says he has had the worst life of anyone in all existence, he tells me his latest financial woe and hits me up for money. I stopped engaging around September of last year. Gave $ and told him NEVER again. I don't usually make statements like that, but when I do I mean it.
I get periodic texts in the middle of the night, always angry, always accusatory. Usually on a Holiday or when his Daughter is with her Mom. There is literally nothing I can say to appease him. He wants money, but also endless sympathy because he's a 45 year old man that refuses to work, refuses to be responsible for anything and can't face the fact that he has any responsibility for anything that has happened in his life.
He tells everyone that nothing they have came from their own hard work. Tells my mom my grandparents paid her way. Not true, she busted her tail and refused to accept any help from them. I apparently didn't buy my own house. Apparently all money is supposed to come from the generation prior. I'm not sure where he thinks it all got started. Apparently, this does not apply to his own responsibility for the children he brought onto the planet.
I'm done. I'm tired of the drive-by abuse. I don't think I can be of any help until he wants help. He's got a daughter living with him that seems to be possibly going down the same path. I wish I could help, but I just don't see a way.
I blocked his messages just now after a couple of bad messages, for the first time ever. I wrote back telling him that I was working a program and when he was ready to get clean we'd help but until then I can't interact. It's nearly the first time I've just flat out acknowledged to him that I believe addiction to be the real problem here. Got back a quacking message about the "wheels of justice" and how I need to "acknowledge my lies". Hell, I haven't said anything much to him in ages. I sent another telling him his kids deserved their father. Then told him that he was one angry message away from losing the right to contact me at all. After I sent that I just went ahead and blocked him. I don't need to sit and wait for the hateful quacking message that I know he is already constructing.
It feels uncomfortable. I feel guilty, selfish, kind of cold and unloving. My other brother was not like this with me when he was using. More of the charmer type. Such a different experience and that makes me feel guilty as well.
Anyway, that's what's up tonight. Thanks for being here, SR.
Peace,
Hanna
His MO is to complain about how horrible he's been treated by our parents and tell me one of three things:
- They just treated me better than him
- I am blocking out the memories because I can't handle the truth
- I deny it because I'm afraid Dad will cut me off financially
I'd explain why these things are not true but this isn't a comedic relief thread.
In addition, he has recently taken to threatening his own life (I called the cops, he was apparently just hanging out around the house and told them we were having a family disagreement.) and veiled threats toward our 70 year old Dad (didn't call the cops since it was written in such a way that he could easily explain it away.)
After the sob stories where he literally says he has had the worst life of anyone in all existence, he tells me his latest financial woe and hits me up for money. I stopped engaging around September of last year. Gave $ and told him NEVER again. I don't usually make statements like that, but when I do I mean it.
I get periodic texts in the middle of the night, always angry, always accusatory. Usually on a Holiday or when his Daughter is with her Mom. There is literally nothing I can say to appease him. He wants money, but also endless sympathy because he's a 45 year old man that refuses to work, refuses to be responsible for anything and can't face the fact that he has any responsibility for anything that has happened in his life.
He tells everyone that nothing they have came from their own hard work. Tells my mom my grandparents paid her way. Not true, she busted her tail and refused to accept any help from them. I apparently didn't buy my own house. Apparently all money is supposed to come from the generation prior. I'm not sure where he thinks it all got started. Apparently, this does not apply to his own responsibility for the children he brought onto the planet.
I'm done. I'm tired of the drive-by abuse. I don't think I can be of any help until he wants help. He's got a daughter living with him that seems to be possibly going down the same path. I wish I could help, but I just don't see a way.
I blocked his messages just now after a couple of bad messages, for the first time ever. I wrote back telling him that I was working a program and when he was ready to get clean we'd help but until then I can't interact. It's nearly the first time I've just flat out acknowledged to him that I believe addiction to be the real problem here. Got back a quacking message about the "wheels of justice" and how I need to "acknowledge my lies". Hell, I haven't said anything much to him in ages. I sent another telling him his kids deserved their father. Then told him that he was one angry message away from losing the right to contact me at all. After I sent that I just went ahead and blocked him. I don't need to sit and wait for the hateful quacking message that I know he is already constructing.
It feels uncomfortable. I feel guilty, selfish, kind of cold and unloving. My other brother was not like this with me when he was using. More of the charmer type. Such a different experience and that makes me feel guilty as well.
Anyway, that's what's up tonight. Thanks for being here, SR.
Peace,
Hanna
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Hanna, he sounds like someone you can do without in your life, although it's sad when you remember them as children.
I also get annoyed when people imply I'm 'lucky' to have bought a house, gone on a holiday, have a good paying job. I've put a lot of work and training into what I've achieved but some people can't make sacrifices for the future and then wake up in middle age with nothing.
Stick to your decision until he becomes a positive force in your life. All the best.
I also get annoyed when people imply I'm 'lucky' to have bought a house, gone on a holiday, have a good paying job. I've put a lot of work and training into what I've achieved but some people can't make sacrifices for the future and then wake up in middle age with nothing.
Stick to your decision until he becomes a positive force in your life. All the best.
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
Ouch Hanna, I just went through the exact same thing with my son. They are the poor ones who were so badly treated by everyone and we will be sorry when we realise it, blah blah.
It really hurts, so I understand how you feel. When I said to my son that it is time he takes responsibility for his life and stop blaming everyone else, he told me that is what I do. When I was his age, I was a single mother who owned my own house and car and didn't expect everyone else to look after me. I worked for what I got. He has never had a job for longer than a couple of months.
The thing that comforts me is to know how similar their accusations and view of the world are. I don't think anything we say or do can change it until they decide to stop.
As someone said in my thread, if they get angry it is because they realise we are not falling for their manipulation anymore.
You did a good thing to block your brother. We are not their emotional punching bags.
It really hurts, so I understand how you feel. When I said to my son that it is time he takes responsibility for his life and stop blaming everyone else, he told me that is what I do. When I was his age, I was a single mother who owned my own house and car and didn't expect everyone else to look after me. I worked for what I got. He has never had a job for longer than a couple of months.
The thing that comforts me is to know how similar their accusations and view of the world are. I don't think anything we say or do can change it until they decide to stop.
As someone said in my thread, if they get angry it is because they realise we are not falling for their manipulation anymore.
You did a good thing to block your brother. We are not their emotional punching bags.
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