EverHopeful721

So today makes 6 weeks since my XA dumped me by text. Fridays are usually not great days for me, because I would usually see him on Fridays or Saturdays, so every Friday that comes is a reminder that I won't be seeing him tonight or tomorrow and can make for a long, stressful weekend. But tonight is just ridiculously bad - I've been crying NON-STOP from the time I got in my car after work until now, and I just feel so awfully sad and depressed. I haven't cried this hard and this long in over two weeks, so what gives...?? Why am I crying like this NOW?? Honestly, on Monday I made it through until almost the middle of the afternoon before I started feeling sad, so I thought it would just continue to get better, but I feel like I'm taking a huge step back...!!

AnvilheadII

well sweetie, you said Fridays used to be date night...and so the fact that it IS Friday, and you started the ritual of getting off work to go home is exactly what you USED to do when you were involved with him. all the atmosphere was the SAME, it's just that it's all DIFFERENT today. so go easy on yourself, ok?

healing comes in stages. we get a cut, it stings like the dickens at first. then it starts to scab over, then one day doing our normal ROUTINE, we bang the damn thing and rip the scab off! OW. now it stings again. now we wait for it to scab over again.

what can YOU do different for you tonite? any Friday night meetings? some new take out joint you've been itching to try? rearrange the furtniture, getting that fung shway thang going? rent Bringing up Baby, my all time FAVE Katherine Hepburn movie??

now blow your nose. take a deep breath. it's OK to be sad sometimes, and to grieve. it's NOT ok to have snot running down your face!!! lotsa love from drippy seattle.

EverHopeful721

Ahhhh, Anvil, your words always speak to me. I admit, I first read your response right after you posted it, and at the time, the tears were literally streaming out of my eyes and down my face (and yes, I believe there was some snot involved, too) but by the time I got to the end of your post, although the tears were still falling, I was actually smiling through them, too. So I stepped away from my laptop and took your advice - I blew my nose a half dozen times, took some deep breaths to calm myself, got some Chinese takeout, took some Up & Up headache pills (Target's knock-off version of Excedrin, but they work just as well and are so much cheaper!), got in my jammies, turned the TV on and got under the covers. I'm going to take advantage of the free movie channel preview my cable company has going on right now and I think I'm going to do a little online retail therapy and buy some summer sandals and tops I've had my eye on from Kohl's.

I'm also going to start thinking about something my therapist mentioned yesterday that he'd like me to work on - writing down my goals. Think about where I want to be or what I want to accomplish in 6 months, a year, whatever and write it down (he said it's important to write them out). When he first brought it up, I felt kind of dumb and said, "Well, I don't really have any goals. I've never had some big, elaborate goals or dreams in my life....I always just wanted to be happy." And he said, "Well, being happy is a goal. It's something you have to work towards, right? Because you're not happy where you are in your life right now, are you?" And after thinking about it all day, I realized he's right. Just because I don't have goals of being a rocket scientist or being rich and living in a huge mansion doesn't mean that the things I want in life are any less important. He told me that I'm so used to not asking for anything for myself from anybody my entire life that I've conditioned myself to think that my wants and needs aren't important and he said we have to work on that, lol! So yes, THAT is what I'm going to think about tonight and this weekend. Also this weekend, I'm going to dig out my crochet stuff so I have a hobby to keep me busy, I'm going to try to get to the gym that I recently joined at least once, I'm going to visit my two beautiful nieces and I'm going to bake my Dad one of his faves, my awesome banana cake (yeah, I know it defeats the purpose of going to the gym, but the way I look at it, at least maybe I can cancel out some of the calories of the cake by going to the gym, LOL!!).

So THAT is what I'm going to do for myself tonight and this weekend. And as ALWAYS, thanks for coming through for me, Anvil - I can always count on you to give me that loving kick in the butt when I need it the most!! XOXO

AnvilheadII

banana cake. now we're talking sister! creative love. that's how we let our soul sing. and dance.

LoveMeNow

Sounds like you have a great therapist. Thank you for sharing his advice.

I love Anvil's analogies. They always make me smile too.

EverHopeful721

See, now I have to eat TWO pieces - one for myself and one for all you guys here on SR!! You guys walk in spirit with ME and I eat banana cake in spirit for YOU!! LOL!! Love the dancing bananas, btw...I'll be thinking of them as I'm making my cake with the extra-thick frosting.

EverHopeful721

Thank you, LMN. Yes, I feel truly blessed to have found someone my first time out who (whom...??) I click with so well. He uses a lot of humor, too, which speaks to me, as I like to think I'm a pretty hilarious person myself, lol!! But seriously, he has given me a LOT of great advice and feedback this past month, and I'm so grateful for that. And thank you for YOUR feedback, as well - I'm so glad that other people are getting something out of me sharing what I'm learning through therapy.

And yes, Anvil is pretty darn special....she always finds a way to break through the 'fog' that usually surrounds my brain and brings me back to myself (and believe me when I say that that is NO easy task!!)

LoveMeNow

Well, if you keep sharing...I can stop with my therapy and save a bundle. LOL

AnvilheadII

I'm making my cake with the extra-thick frosting

oh that's it. got the codie bus fired up, whose with me???

EverHopeful721

lol!!

EverHopeful721

Looks like I'm gonna have to bake TWO cakes - we got company comin'...!! Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet all my codie friends!!

Wing

Cheers ladies
Nth to add... Just sending hugs xo

EverHopeful721

Hi, Wing! Hope you're hanging in there and feeling better!! Hugs back at ya!

LoveMeNow

Oh, I am in!! I "call" the far back seat!

zoso77

Stop. Breathe.

Then ask yourself if someone you dumped you via text message deserves you.

I didn't think so.

ZoSo

EverHopeful721

Thank you, zoso. I know you speak from painful firsthand experience, and I know you're right. When I tell people who know me (and even some who know him) how he very coldly and nonchalantly dumped me via text, as if I had suddenly reminded him of some mundane task he had forgotten to take care of, the response is invariably the same - "What a coward/d*****bag/scumbag/loser/etc. You are so much better than him, he actually did you a favor." And I know it's true....

You are another one whose advice I really respect, zoso, and you inspire me. I truly admire the insight and wisdom you have gained from your own situation, and I'm really striving to get to a similar place myself. But I guess that will come in time, eh? In the meantime, thank you for sharing your ESH with us - especially when we know it's crunch-time for you right now!!

zoso77

In hindsight...15 months after the fact...I think what my ex did is pretty funny. And the reason why it's funny is because the behavior is just so outrageous, and she's got about as much emotional self awareness as plankton.

What you have to remember, EverHopeful, is people like my AXGF and your AXBF are so self-absorbed, they really believe when they pull something like that it's gonna destroy us. So you have to ask yourself why would you let a sick person bring you down.

As another member told me the other day, the best revenge is a life lived well. And she's dead on right.

Mourn and grieve as long as you think you need to, but don't get stuck in your own sh*t. Keep going.

Thanks for the kind words.

ZoSo

EverHopeful721

Hahaha - love it!!

Another great point and something I was thinking tonight (after my mini-breakdown)....I thought to myself, "WHY am I giving him such power over me?? Is he home crying his eyes out while thinking about me??" Ummmm.....NOOOOOO, I'm quite certain he was at the bar tonight with his now-current girlfriend, drinking and getting high. And I started to get p*ssed off, because I realized (as I saw you just recently posted in Evey's thread, I believe) that this guy did a complete and total mindf*ck on me!!!! And the reason why he was able to do such a thorough job is because he was the absolute LAST person I would have ever expected to be capable of such a thing - and he KNEW it!! He knew how I felt about him and he manipulated and used my love and trust to his own benefit and as soon as he didn't want or need it anymore, he completely SH*T on me....yeah, real nice guy I'm wasting my tears on....

wicked

Always down for the codie bus! Banana cake! Banana cake!