AH went to first AA Meeting!

Old 04-12-2013, 09:54 AM
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AH went to first AA Meeting!

After a really good counseling session, my AH went to his first AA meeting yesterday and he says he feels really good about everything.

There are finally going to be some changes - not sure what they are right now, but at least I am past "nothing changes if nothing changes"! That line has helped me so much!

So glad to have you guys and Alanon. It makes going through this so much better than dealing with it alone. Change can be so scarey, but right now, it feels good :-)

Thanks y'all!

Will keep you posted!
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Old 04-12-2013, 09:58 AM
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I am happy for you.

Please, however, keep your 'expectations' low, very low, because the 1st year into recovery, many many times, is a worse 'roller coaster and/or crazy train ride' than when the A was still practicing.

A person in recovery can get and should get very intense about their own recovery and go through many emotions sometimes all in the same day, because they are emotions that were buried and numbed by the alcohol.

Now is a good time for you to continue to work on you. Work the program you would love to see him work.

And, don't forget we are still here for you. Go ahead, rant, rave, scream, cry and yes, even laugh we do and will understand.

Love and hugs,
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Old 04-12-2013, 10:14 AM
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Originally Posted by unhappyspouse View Post
but right now, it feels good :-)
Suck up that Sunshine while it is there.

You have heard good advice on keeping the expectations low . . . Many (many, many) miles ahead.

Keep your heart and mind on God, and let His love and mercy fill your sails on the trip ahead.

Best to you all.
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Old 04-12-2013, 10:58 AM
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It has been a crazy ride for sure!!! I was preparing myself mentally for separation, I had no idea he would go to counseling because he had already told me he wouldnt - but for him to go and now to attend an AA meeting, has just thrown me into left field...

I think I am more scared now than before, but will support him the best way I can. My mind-set is to handle it one day at a time. I will continue Alanon probably for the rest of my life! I dont have a sponsor yet, and I need one - just still not sure how to go about that.

I have used so much of my patience up to this point, (too many years) not real sure how much I will be able to handle on this new path, but I will keep praying for the Serenity, Courage and Wisdom that has become a huge part of my life today!

I am just glad to see change -

Thank you for your support!
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Old 04-12-2013, 01:07 PM
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I am happy for you, unhappy spouse. Maybe you are a little happier too!

Even if he relapses tomorrow, (worst case scenario), you have received some validation that you weren't crazy, living in left field, or off the mark completely.
So no matter what...you've gained something that will never be taken away. I hope he continues on with his progress! But you have something you never had before, progress with him in accepting that it has been a problem. It's no longer in your head, no matter what the outcome. Validation. Scary? Yes! But validated.
It's a win win for you!
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Old 04-12-2013, 01:35 PM
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Hi

I absolutely concur with Laurie. I am glad that your AH is going to AA. Even if it doesn't work out the first time, at least he will get glimpse of the program.
As a codependent myself (and also an alcoholic in recovery) I would suggest that you make sure you work your own program and try not to interfer with his. I know it's hard, I have been there: checking how many meetings my partner made, if he called his sponsor, where he was at with the steps then worrying like crazy if he wasn't working his program up to MY expectations LOL.
Good thing I ended up in Al Anon (his sponsor's wife sent me there, I was a basket case!!!) or I would have ended up in the nuthouse (albeit sober).
This was back in 2001 and the relationship did not last (he was a violent chronic relapser).
Try to think of your Al Anon home group as your own little private island where you can rest, heal and grow and allow him to have his own little AA island where he can do the same at his own pace.

Best of luck to both of you and have a great week end.
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Old 04-12-2013, 01:54 PM
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Thank you BlueSkies - I do feel the validation! I am going to continue with one day at a time. So thankful to be here and in Alanon.

Also I just want to clarify when I say change feels good - I am not saying because of what he is doing (I am glad that he is working on himself), but I mean - just change in our life period - things had to change whether it be for better or worse - Not saying I like change, but that is what has to happen for me to get off of this merry-go-round that I have been on way too long!

I am working on me - something that I have learned from reading on here - daily! And it has made a huge difference just knowing that I dont have to take on the world's problems - I am only responsible for me! I have a long way to go, but at least I am not alone thanks to you guys!
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Old 04-30-2013, 07:28 AM
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Well...when I got home yesterday from work, it was evident that my AH had been drinking. He made it over 2 weeks this time, usually its about 14 days, but he made it 22 days this time. Went to AA that morning and drank that afternoon - what is the point? And of course he lies to me - asking me what is wrong with me...he hasnt done anything wrong. The thing that gets me is there is no indication of how he is feeling inside - he seems fine, like he is doing great - I guess he hides it so well - or does the craving just hit him all of a sudden when he is alone at home?
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Old 04-30-2013, 07:48 AM
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Good for you that you are attending Alanon. We need people working in the solution. Keep the focus on you...i'm sure you are doing well.
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Old 05-07-2013, 08:35 PM
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Originally Posted by unhappyspouse View Post
The thing that gets me is there is no indication of how he is feeling inside - he seems fine, like he is doing great - I guess he hides it so well - or does the craving just hit him all of a sudden when he is alone at home?
UHS, that's a really good description of what alcohol did for me: "no indication of how he is feeling inside." Whether that is a cause or effect of your husbands drinking is something even he might have trouble answering at this point.

It sounds like he is ambivalent about his drinking, that he is aware of reasons to not drink, but at least part of the time the perceived benefits are enough to warrant picking up again. The truth is, the cravings do hit at random times, even after years of sobriety. For someone with a couple of weeks, its far more frequent, and far more intense. But it IS possible to get through those times, the cravings usually last 15-20 minutes and then subside. The trick is not acting on the craving, regardless of the circumstances.

At the end of the day, however, he alone is the one who experiences the cravings, and he alone is the one who determines whether he picks up. Until he is convinced that he can never do it again, he likely will.
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