Dib42

Didn't remain vigilent, got over confident and cocky, and found another way to trick myself into drinking.

This is my Day One (Again) thread.
I will not let me guard down this time.

SoberKnitter

I like your attitude. You can do this. It's your last day 1.

Dib42

Thanks, I feel like this really could be my last day one. I'm mad at myself for screwing up, but I'm happy to learn more about my addiction, so I feel a bit better prepared this time.

Veritas1

I can relate with having time away from drinking, feeling better, looking better, and I drank again.

I thought I could drink again.

Then I overdrank.

Someone taught me to look at 3 things once.

What was the intention?

To have a "good time", "relax".

What really happened?

I overdrank...again.

Who did it harm?

Others and myself.

Yet, I repeated this all throughout my life, over 30 years of repeating this very basic error.

I refused to concede that I could never drink. I couldn't imagine life without it...booze.

I refused to submit to the disciplines of prayer and meditation and following a different way of life as suggested by the program.

I wanted to do it my way. I still do. I still have things I refuse to let go of. I have learned these are called "compromises."

I want, but am not willing to do that which would come if only I would submit to the good way entirely.

I think deep down, we know what is right and wrong, and sometimes, we are just trying to get away with what we already know is wrong, or not good for us.

It's like I am so immature!

But now I have been free of the obsession to drink for 3 months!

I follow the AA program outlined in the pages of the book Alcoholics Anonymous, and I visit here at SR daily mostly on the 12 step AA forum.

I pray daily. I try to think of others before myself. To be less selfish.

I try.

I make mistakes, but so far this time, I haven't had to go get drunk.

It works, it really does.

I hope you find whatever works for you.

Each recovery starts with one day. Fall down 7, get up 8.

All the best, V

FamilyMan2153

Alcohol is a subtle mistress, always there when you need her. Give yourself a break and start a new.

soberclover

I think we sometimes have to go through the experience for ourselves of trying to control our drinking; we always think that we are unique and different. I had to "try" a few times; hopefully you will not! Keep up the great work on your thinking!

ScottFromWI

Good job for realizing your slip up and coming right back. What's most important now is to look back and figure out why you drank again, and then put together a plan so it doesn't happen again. We can learn from relapses but only if we apply what we learned to the future.

Dib42

I feel I have learned something very important from this. I just hope I have all my bases covered. I was feeling really good about how I was doing, and I don't think I had a weak moment or anything like that, I just got careless and acted without thinking. I am an alcoholic, and I have no desire to be a "normal" drinker, so I just have to be aware that even when I consiously don't want to drink, I subconsiously do.

DryRoastJim

Hi. A concerning trend I seem to see on here is how many of us get so down on ourselves over a "new/another/etc day 1".

I think we need to re-think this.

How many days sober were you before your day 1?

Do you go on benders or do you just get drunk for 1 day?

My point here is that we ARE going to have slip ups. You are talking about a very strong and powerful addiction. To ask ourselves to be "perfect" forever is just not reasonable. That is like asking your car to work "perfectly" until it rusts off the chassis.

However! You do need to understand that slip ups are possible. The key thing is don't let them keep going. If you mess up for a day, so what? It's the past, you can't change it. As time goes forward however, take those slip up's and learn from them. What caused you to want to drink? Were you stressed out? If so, was it from someone toxic in your environment? If so, should that person be tossed from your life? That is just a simple breakdown. We tend to think of only outcomes. We need to break things down and figure out WHY something failed, in every little detail. Once you learn what the triggers are, you can better prepare yourself to keep your guard up and rationalize why NOT to drink.

Be well and be sober!

Richierich777

I have done it before. Shake it off and start over.