Recovery1983

Today is the end of day 6 for me, and I understand that my thinking is still going to be this way for a long time. However, I seem to only want to hear negative comments, thoughts, or responses. I was talking to the sponsor today on the phone, and everything encouraging he said to me, I just didn't want to hear it. He told me that I just wanted to hear all the negatives. He told me that it's just my addiction that is still thinking for me. What are your thoughts and experiences?

LadyinBC

I had negative thinking for so long that when I first quit drinking it was very hard to find anything positive about it. Yes, my addictive voice spoke to me all the time and always negative and always with the poor me. Being negative meant I could drink and my only way of coping with anything was to drink. Changing that thought process is hard and doesn't come overnight.

It wasn't something I could change on my own I had to have help.

Recovery1983

At this moment, it seems impossible that my thinking will change even a year from now. I remember when I had my longest stretch of sobriety, which was 7 months, my thinking had not changed at all. During treatment, they used to give us these pieces of paper that gave us suggestions on how to change our thinking. I'm sorry but my negative thinking is beyond the whole "tell myself positive things" or "replace negative with positive". I think my addictive thinking is beyond strong, or I need different methods to change. I simply cannot tell myself to replace negative thoughts with positive when I already know that I'm trying to trick my mind into thinking a certain way. I dont know FML.

Jeni26

I think my negative thinking began WAY before my drinking spiralled out of control. I could get a thousand compliments and one criticism, and it would be the negative comment that would cut through me like a knife. It would eat away at me..if it wasn't hurtful enough I would replay it, add my own interpretations to it, replay it again. It would grow until it overwhelmed me. It's to do with self-esteem and always believing the worst about yourself.

That is a hard habit to break, and I'm working at that now. I'm finding that reminding myself that I'm not actually responsible for the way others feel, and really listening to what's being said rather than reacting instinctively helps.

It can be done, just a question of re-tuning your thinking.

I'm not there yet, I'm still prone to reacting very immaturely to things, but at least I'm aware that I do it now. And those feelings don't last anywhere near as long x

neferkamichael

Recovery, I've had more success controlling my chemical substance issues than controlling or eliminating my negative thinking. It's something I need to put more work into.

hypochondriac

That's some negative thinking right there

This stuff really does take practice, and yeah, when you are in the depths of despair, trying to change a negative to a positive is fairly redundant. But it can be done, usually better attempted when you're not feeling too rubbish. Have you ever tried writing it all down before? Write down all the negative thoughts on one side and why thoughts to contradict them on the other. Making it an active process and taking it out of your head helps. Maybe posting in the gratitude threads could help...? If this thinking is so ingrained that you can never see any positives then maybe seeing a specialist could help, like a CBT counsellor. I understand where you are coming from as I'm grappling with similar problems. Another thing which helped me was mindfulness meditation which although it may not seem it is very relevant to this sort of stuff. But all that said, on day six, don't worry about it too much. We can't change these things overnight, and as long as you stay sober despite the negative chatter then all is well x

Joe Nerv

Sounds like you're pretty committed to the negative thinking thing. If you've accepted that you can't change it, then I'd suggest learning to live it it, because it won't change.

The only way I believe we can change anything, especially something like our thinking, is if we REALLY want it to change... because it takes a lot of effort. It also takes a lot of willingness, and an open mind. It won't happen on it's own, and it won't happen if we don't believe it ever will.

I believe people can change their thinking, despite their thinking they can't, and there are lots of tools that can help. The most powerful tool I know of is a belief in a higher power, and trusting that that belief can help someone to change. But even without that, lots of people learn to think differently. There are tons and tons of books out there, tons of movies, self help groups, therapy, etc, etc. I myself had to (and still have to) read positive books and other materials on a regular basis. First one I read which laid a pretty good foundation was Norman Vincent Peale's Power of Positive Thinking - but there are tons more, and lots of authors who come at it from a different (less spiritual) perspective. Other favorite authors of mine are Wayne Dyer and Marianne Williamson. I'm sure people here at SR could recommend hundreds of books and authors that worked for them. But the material only works if it's read, and then applied. And that again takes a lot of willingness, persistence, and an open mind.

Anyhow, without getting into a whole long rant here, constantly filling our brain with positive stuff has an effect after a while. It starts pushing out the negative, starts helping us see things differently, and when we see things differently circumstances in our life begin to actually change. Which makes it easier to continue. Thinking negatively leads us to negative things, thinking positive leads us to positive things - and there's no hocus pocus about that stuff either. A smiling I'm happy to be here dude is going to get the job before a miserable everything sucks guy will. Every time. Even if neither ever opens their mouth. Positive people attract positive things.

It ain't easy. Takes brainwashing. A lot of it. For me at least. But it's possible. And makes life sooooo much sweeter. Your choice. You can work at it, be patient, and trust that in time things will eventually get different, or you can throw the towel in as it sounds you are. I highly recomment attempting at least to believe you have a chance of viewing things differently. It is absolutely possible.

sobermax

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FlW7TpsBxc


I found this helpful. . . .

deeker

Once your sponsor gets you into the steps that will eventually begin to change.

1Dayatatyme

HI Recovery,
Congrats on day 6! Thank you for your honesty.
Clinical depression will cause our thoughts to be skewed towards the negative... we filter out the positive due to the chemical imbalances that create true clinical depression.
Have you ever been screened by a health care professional with experience or training in mental health issues?
Some people drink and/ or use to self medicate an underlying mental illness.
Others don't.
Just a suggestion!