Constantly on my mind.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Coleman Wisconsin
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Constantly on my mind.
I am desperate to quit drinking. The problem is that quitting is constantly on my mind so then I think about it and drink. The sad part is that I am telling myself I am just having a few. I argue with myself. And sober me always loses...even when I swear to God and my family...its so easy to pour one. And drink it. When will I find that strength?
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Originally Posted by mmhoule 
I am desperate to quit drinking. The problem is that quitting is constantly on my mind so then I think about it and drink. The sad part is that I am telling myself I am just having a few. I argue with myself. And sober me always loses...even when I swear to God and my family...its so easy to pour one. And drink it. When will I find that strength?
But be assured you do have the power. The real key is wanting to be sober more than wanting to drink. Keep looking for it - and you will find it.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Southern Spain
Posts: 355
''so then I think about it and drink'' You need to do something between the 'it' and the 'and'.
That's the critical moment that will make or break you next action. For me I would log on to here and post how I am feeling. When I lived in the UK I would call someone in AA. I say 'would call', but in reality, many times, I wouldn't. Why? Because I wanted to drink. And that was the bottom live.
Deep down I wanted to drink more than I wanted to stay sober. Until that issue was addressed I had no chance of sobriety. As in so many cases the issue was addressed not by me, by making a sober decision, but by alcohol itself. Basically I finally did some things, whilst drunk, which scared me enough. And left me with no choice.
I HAD to stop.
That's the critical moment that will make or break you next action. For me I would log on to here and post how I am feeling. When I lived in the UK I would call someone in AA. I say 'would call', but in reality, many times, I wouldn't. Why? Because I wanted to drink. And that was the bottom live.
Deep down I wanted to drink more than I wanted to stay sober. Until that issue was addressed I had no chance of sobriety. As in so many cases the issue was addressed not by me, by making a sober decision, but by alcohol itself. Basically I finally did some things, whilst drunk, which scared me enough. And left me with no choice.
I HAD to stop.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
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What kind of support system do you have? Family, friends? Support is essential, whether it be from people in real life, AA, counseling, or on this site. i found an addiction counselor to be of great help. Is that an option for you?
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
You will find the strength. It will come when you give up and just admit defeat. It took me a while to get into this mindset. I was wallowing in self pity and thought that giving up was a sign of weakness. Really it is quite the opposite.
Natom.
Natom.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 280
Originally Posted by mmhoule
I am desperate to quit drinking. The problem is that quitting is constantly on my mind so then I think about it and drink. The sad part is that I am telling myself I am just having a few. I argue with myself. And sober me always loses...even when I swear to God and my family...its so easy to pour one. And drink it. When will I find that strength?
For your first couple sober days, It will be all you think about. I posted on here a few days back when I finally had what I call an "easy" day. I went all day and didn't even think about drinking or sobriety or alcohol or anything, I was just living my life. There are days like that, and they are AWESOME!!!
Don't drink today. Then we'll deal with tomorrow when it gets here.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
I identify with the drinking thinking. Some things that helped me, think about NOT DRINKING. I thought of being in some very obnoxious situations. Drink plenty of water as I found out I drank at a certain time and was thirsty. Eat sweets as the body is used to the sugar part of converting the alcohol. I finally ended up going to meetings and hearing what I needed and continue even after 30 years. IT WORKS IF WE WORK IT. BE WELL
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by mmhoule
I argue with myself.
The bad news - and you may already know it - is that you are addicted to alcohol. (So am I.)
The good news is that YOU can fix it. Indeed, YOU are the only one who can.
back to this:
Originally Posted by mmhoule
I argue with myself.
Pretty awful, eh? Not really - because here is the fun part: It has no power. None. Unless YOU give it some. It's just a voice in your head. A voice that will tell you all kinds of crap. You can't be happy without alcohol. Once more won't matter. We can quit next week. This time will be different. Just be more careful and it will be fine.
All lies.
So, you've been arguing with an immoral alcohol-craving liar. Now that you know that, is it really worth arguing with? If an immoral alcohol craving liar came to your front door, you'd never let it in your house. Never. You wouldn't even argue with it through the door. "Get off my porch or I'm calling the cops!" End of discussion.
Stop arguing with it in your head.
It's just a voice. It has no power. Tell it "no".
It will hate being told no. It will beg, whine, insult, rationalize, negotiate, threaten and throw tantrums. Let it. It has no power. It's just a voice. Tell it "no".
You can do this.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Originally Posted by mmhoule
I am desperate to quit drinking. The problem is that quitting is constantly on my mind so then I think about it and drink. The sad part is that I am telling myself I am just having a few. I argue with myself. And sober me always loses...even when I swear to God and my family...its so easy to pour one. And drink it. When will I find that strength?
What really changed it was in November, I stopped thinking of it as "I need to quit but oh my god how can I?!" and instead starting thinking of it as "I am going to quit because if I don't I'll ruin my life. But oh my god when can I?!
Then I vomited blood one night and went to the ER scared and alone, and my brain just clicked. "When can I? NOW. This is the moment."
Since I'd been kind of mentally preparing for it by all of those arguments with myself, once I crossed that line I just knew it was time. I think you're probably very close to that line. Try to think of it not as something you can't do, but as something you are doing.
Recovering
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
Originally Posted by mmhoule
I am desperate to quit drinking. The problem is that quitting is constantly on my mind so then I think about it and drink. The sad part is that I am telling myself I am just having a few. I argue with myself. And sober me always loses...even when I swear to God and my family...its so easy to pour one. And drink it. When will I find that strength?
Never give up hope.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Coleman Wisconsin
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by least
What kind of support system do you have? Family, friends? Support is essential, whether it be from people in real life, AA, counseling, or on this site. i found an addiction counselor to be of great help. Is that an option for you?
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Coleman Wisconsin
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by Dib42
For your first couple sober days, It will be all you think about. I posted on here a few days back when I finally had what I call an "easy" day. I went all day and didn't even think about drinking or sobriety or alcohol or anything, I was just living my life. There are days like that, and they are AWESOME!!!
Don't drink today. Then we'll deal with tomorrow when it gets here.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Coleman Wisconsin
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by Nonsensical
BOOM! You are right on the edge of breaking through.
The bad news - and you may already know it - is that you are addicted to alcohol. (So am I.)
The good news is that YOU can fix it. Indeed, YOU are the only one who can.
back to this:
YOU are not arguing with YOU. YOU (that portion of your brain that has personality, morals, knowledge, judgment and inhibitions) are arguing with the primitive pleasure center of your brain that craves alcohol. That part of your brain has no judgment at all. It has no knowledge. It has no morals. It just craves alcohol. It is a lab rat that will push the button to get the drug...over and over and over. It doesn't care if you miss work. It doesn't care if your family leaves you. It doesn't care if you get a DUI. It doesn't care if you wake up in your own urine and vomit. It does not care - it just wants alcohol. And YOU can't talk IT out of it. It has no power to reason.
Pretty awful, eh? Not really - because here is the fun part: It has no power. None. Unless YOU give it some. It's just a voice in your head. A voice that will tell you all kinds of crap. You can't be happy without alcohol. Once more won't matter. We can quit next week. This time will be different. Just be more careful and it will be fine.
All lies.
So, you've been arguing with an immoral alcohol-craving liar. Now that you know that, is it really worth arguing with? If an immoral alcohol craving liar came to your front door, you'd never let it in your house. Never. You wouldn't even argue with it through the door. "Get off my porch or I'm calling the cops!" End of discussion.
Stop arguing with it in your head.
It's just a voice. It has no power. Tell it "no".
It will hate being told no. It will beg, whine, insult, rationalize, negotiate, threaten and throw tantrums. Let it. It has no power. It's just a voice. Tell it "no".
You can do this.
The bad news - and you may already know it - is that you are addicted to alcohol. (So am I.)
The good news is that YOU can fix it. Indeed, YOU are the only one who can.
back to this:
YOU are not arguing with YOU. YOU (that portion of your brain that has personality, morals, knowledge, judgment and inhibitions) are arguing with the primitive pleasure center of your brain that craves alcohol. That part of your brain has no judgment at all. It has no knowledge. It has no morals. It just craves alcohol. It is a lab rat that will push the button to get the drug...over and over and over. It doesn't care if you miss work. It doesn't care if your family leaves you. It doesn't care if you get a DUI. It doesn't care if you wake up in your own urine and vomit. It does not care - it just wants alcohol. And YOU can't talk IT out of it. It has no power to reason.
Pretty awful, eh? Not really - because here is the fun part: It has no power. None. Unless YOU give it some. It's just a voice in your head. A voice that will tell you all kinds of crap. You can't be happy without alcohol. Once more won't matter. We can quit next week. This time will be different. Just be more careful and it will be fine.
All lies.
So, you've been arguing with an immoral alcohol-craving liar. Now that you know that, is it really worth arguing with? If an immoral alcohol craving liar came to your front door, you'd never let it in your house. Never. You wouldn't even argue with it through the door. "Get off my porch or I'm calling the cops!" End of discussion.
Stop arguing with it in your head.
It's just a voice. It has no power. Tell it "no".
It will hate being told no. It will beg, whine, insult, rationalize, negotiate, threaten and throw tantrums. Let it. It has no power. It's just a voice. Tell it "no".
You can do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Coleman Wisconsin
Posts: 52
Thank you, everyone for your words of encouragement. I need to hear how others have quit and I need to know the struggles I am having are shared by others. In a way I know that what I am going through is "normal" for my circumstances. It makes it a little easier to forgive myself for my failures. With that I know I will get there. I need help and I am getting it. Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: PA
Posts: 56
Obsession of the mind. Stated clearly in The Big Book.
I remember it daily for years. I'd wake up (hungover) say I wouldn't drink, obsess that I wouldn't drink, lunch would come I'd still be adimant I wasn't going to drink by 3:00 I'm starting to ween, by 4:30 I've decided I'm going to drink. By 5:00 I'm drinking.
Wash rinse repeat.
This is where the program kicks in and the obsession of the mind is controlled. However the physical cravings won't subside until you detox. I suggest you detox first and start working the program immediately.
Wish you the best.
I remember it daily for years. I'd wake up (hungover) say I wouldn't drink, obsess that I wouldn't drink, lunch would come I'd still be adimant I wasn't going to drink by 3:00 I'm starting to ween, by 4:30 I've decided I'm going to drink. By 5:00 I'm drinking.
Wash rinse repeat.
This is where the program kicks in and the obsession of the mind is controlled. However the physical cravings won't subside until you detox. I suggest you detox first and start working the program immediately.
Wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by mmhoule
I argue with myself. And sober me always loses...even when I swear to God and my family...its so easy to pour one. And drink it. When will I find that strength?
All the best.
Bob R
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Coleman Wisconsin
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters
I found that strength when I entered the rooms of AA.
All the best.
Bob R
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: PA
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by mmhoule
I did make a phone call to one of the AA chapters around here. However...I haven't plucked the courage to go. Im afraid I will embarrass myself. I know its silly to think that. But...there it is. Someone said I had to be ok with not drinking...I have to mull that over because it is triggering a thought of "is that how I am?" My husband asked me once "why". I can't answer it! I don't know why I do it...what makes me do it...and why I can't stop. I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.
Don't be afraid of going to meetings. There isn't judgement there at all. I've been to meeting with people who are drunk sitting right next to me and they are not judged.
You are not forced to go, but I believe it is necessary if you feel you are powerless over alcohol and cannot find a way to get out. Go and see how it is, the worst thing you can do is not go and continue to do this to yourself. It will only sink you deeper.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by mmhoule
I haven't plucked the courage to go.
You just have to do it.
(The AA doors are never locked)
All the best.
Bob R
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pittsburgh Pa
Posts: 35
Originally Posted by mmhoule
I haven't plucked the courage to go. Im afraid I will embarrass myself.
If it is a discussion meeting and you don't want to share just say, "My name is _____ and I am an alcoholic, I am grateful to be here, but I just want to listen today".
When I was uncomfortable being at meetings, I preferred going to speaker meetings. That way I could listen to what it was like for other people and what they did to change. Also, minimal interaction with others :P
I know this is a lot of information, but when I first started going to meetings I felt awkward because I had no idea what was going on. Being more involved is better, but tiny steps are better than no steps!
I was the one who replied to your other post, and I am glad you found this forum okay!
Also remember everyone in that meeting room was new at one point too, and I guarantee most of them, if not all, felt the same way you do.
Wish you the best
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