choner11

I am very new to this. I will try and keep it short, but include important details. Here goes...in 2010 i met my now ex boyfriend. Long story short, he was on parole and his drug of choice (at the time) was crack cocaine. When we first got together i didnt realize how much of a problem it was, and i will admit, we had done it a few times together. Well he ended up pissing dirty too many times for parole so his po sent him away to a 90 day rehab. We had only been together a few months. I really liked him alot, other than his addiction (which i didnt know was as severe at the time) so i decided to wait for him, once ge was cleaned up we could have a healthy "normal" life together. Well after his 90 day rehab he was sent to a halfway house. Our very first visit together after the 3 months, i got pregnant. Total shock. But thought, maybe this will open his eyes. Well after being in the halfway house for 6 months, he was able to come home, but was still on parole. I had gotten a place while he as gone and thats where we were gonna start our family. Shortly after the halfway house, and right before delivering our daughter, he was done parole. Phew, what a relief, no fear of prison. But now is **** gonn hit the fan bc he doesnt have authority breathing done his neck? Sure enough i was right, he was using immediately after he was finished with parole. He then turned to painkillers, booze, fetanol patches and basically what he could get his hands on. Well on 11/21/11, i gave birth to our daughter, and i didnt find out til later, he was sniffing heroine in the parking lot while i was doing feedings. Ugh then shortly after returning home from the hospital, he overdosed on fetanol patches and dexadrin (for adhd, he sniffed it and got the same high as cocaine, and couldnt stop). I thought that was it for him. I gave him ultimatums, he would be good and then mess up again. Hes relapsed and got cleaned more times than i care to count. Hes been to so many institutions, i dont know what it will take for him to stop. All the treatment he has received were against his own will and mandated by parole/probation/drug court etc. well about 5 months ago we got back together, he was doing good and then he relapsed again. He agreed to take drug tests every week to prove he wasnt using. That didnt last long. Then last week i found pills on the back of our toilet that our 16 month old could have easily gotten, and thats where he crossed the line. I told him i was done, i need to protect our daughter. Well i wouldnt answer his phone calls or allow him to see our daughter bc i wasnt gonna put her life in danger. I find out through a mutual friend that HE admitted himself into a detox and then is going to a rehab right after. I have a hard time believing anything he tells me bc hea always broken promises. I love this man to death but his addiction has ruined us. Our relationship is absolutely beautiful and we get along extremely well, as long as hea not using. Someone please give me advice as to what to do. I want my family, i want the best for him, i also want my daughter safe. How can i trust him and believe he is for real this time?

Ann

I am so sorry you are going through this, but sadly it's not a new story here and many have been where you are and can share what helped them.

The most important thing right now is to keep your child and you safe.

You cannot control his addiction, but you can bring peace and safety into your own life. I hope you find courage and support here today.

Hugs

laurie6781

WELCOME to Sober Recovery!

I am grateful that you found us, but sorry for the reason you had to. You have found a GREAT place with lots of folks that have been where you are or are where you are and they are willing and do shared their Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H) with all.

As Ann said, right now the best thing you can do is to take care of you and your daughter. It is going to be a while before you will know if this time he is actually embracing recovery.

It is a bit of a positive sign that HE chose to detox and HE chose to find a rehab. I will tell you that rehab will NOT cure him, but if he is serious he will use the 'tools' he learns there when he gets out of rehab. At that time I would suggest that he NOT come home to you but go to a Sober Living Environment House. No not the same as a 'half way' house. SLE's are more structured and usually has requirements for living there, like XX number of meetings they have to attend, and they have to get a job, and they all share in the normal household chores, and they are required to do their own laundry. But I believe the most important thing that they learn in an SLE is how to LIVE sober and clean. How to deal with the 'curve balls' that life seems to throw us, without using, etc

The best thing you can do for you is find some Narnon or Alanon meetings and/or find a counselor who specializes in addiction for you to do some one on one with. Of course, use SR. You can rant, rave, scream, cry and yes even laugh here.

Please read the 'stickys' at the top of this forum as they are filled with lots and lots of useful information.

There is a way out of this hell you are now in, and now that you have joined us we will be walking with you in spirit. When you are feeling down, or troubled, or at your wit's end, picture the room FILLED TO OVERFLOWING with the folks here at SR. Believe it or not, IT DOES HELP!

Looking forward to your continued posting.

Love and hugs,

choner11

Thank You so much. I needed something to be able to get my feelings out there. Im a very closed person when it comes to emotions so i tend to keep things bottled up. I look forward to using SR to help me get through my rough days.