story74

My brother is an alcholic. We all know it, but nobody has ever said anything. Well, my father once asked him if he thought he had a problem. He got very defensive.

Having dealt with an addict for a wife, I know there is nothing I can say or do...so I have never said anything. He goes to work and pays his bills.

Today, I got a letter from his friend saying that he and another friend are concerned and feel that that he is an alcholic. In response, my brother got angry and will not talk to him anymore.

I feel that when HIS friends are reaching out to me maybe it is more serious than I thought. Maybe I should confront my concerns too?

My fear is that if I confront, he will be angry with me too. And, knowing that I have no power what is the point?

Has anyone ever been in this situation before? Should I confront him?

CeciliaV

story, I'm sorry - it's a rough situation. If an A isn't ready to acknowledge the fact that they're an A, it's a tough spot to be in. Confronting him would be too, well, confrontational and it's often not a good way to have your message be heard. Do you feel like you can talk to him and let him know that you love him and are concerned? Can you calmly communicate with him on specifics about how his drinking has affected his life and yours?

4MyBoys

Story,

I feel for you, I really do. I don't know if there is a good answer to this question. I know from experience, my STBXAH had me confront him and eventually leave him because of his drinking. He has been called out in court, and cannot visit his kids right now because of his actions while drinking. His father has confronted him. (Denial) He has had friends confront him and he has written them off. All confrontations have been full of anger and denial.

And he is a police officer and should know better.

I think everyone here has a loved one that needs to reach there own bottom to get to the point to reach out for help. Some it just takes a loved one talking to them, others may never admit they have a problem. I guess it would depend on your brother.....

4MyBoys

wicked

Do you have a relationship with him at all?

Yes, I do have addicted siblings, my sister came to live with me for awhile. That is when I got a real education about oxy addiction.
I am in recovery too.
Sigh, I guess I would just try to have that conversation anyway. He could get angry, he could hear you and act later.
Geez, my gut is telling me that it is best to convey your concern when you can.
I was not defensive and angry, I was more ashamed and guilty.

Okay. Final answer.
Talk to him and expect nothing.

Beth