Back again and I am hurting bad.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Scottsboro, AL.
Posts: 81
Back again and I am hurting bad.
I have been on the "I can be a normal drinker" kick for several months now. My wife is a normal drinker so she can't relate. Everytime I quit I start again and to be honest with you I use her as an excuse. I know she likes to drink socially and would love to have a partner who can as well.
I do fine socially but my problem is that I like to stay up till 2:00am getting drunk alone. I sneek around the house and lie to my wife.
I am now at (what I hope is) rock bottom.
I feel like I have cheated on my wife because when I drink a lot I love to look at porn. The next morning I am so guilt ridden that I feel like I could puke.
I always say "Never again" but I always go back to it withing two or three days.
My wife has cought me looking at that crap before and made a big deal of it (as she should have) but sometimes she says that it is ok. That makes it easier to go back to it.
My wife is now feed up and is threatening a divorse.
I am a big boy and can take whatever happens to me with time. My biggest heart ach is over the kids. We have a 6 year old girl and a 4 year old boy. I am so involved in their lives. As a matter of fact... My wife works late most nights and it is just me and the kids. I have such a bond with them. I love them so much it hurts.
The thought of not having them every single night drives me insane!
I hate who I have become and I know that will all change if I can quit drinking for good this time.
My heart has not ever hurt like this before. I am sooo miserable
I do fine socially but my problem is that I like to stay up till 2:00am getting drunk alone. I sneek around the house and lie to my wife.
I am now at (what I hope is) rock bottom.
I feel like I have cheated on my wife because when I drink a lot I love to look at porn. The next morning I am so guilt ridden that I feel like I could puke.
I always say "Never again" but I always go back to it withing two or three days.
My wife has cought me looking at that crap before and made a big deal of it (as she should have) but sometimes she says that it is ok. That makes it easier to go back to it.
My wife is now feed up and is threatening a divorse.
I am a big boy and can take whatever happens to me with time. My biggest heart ach is over the kids. We have a 6 year old girl and a 4 year old boy. I am so involved in their lives. As a matter of fact... My wife works late most nights and it is just me and the kids. I have such a bond with them. I love them so much it hurts.
The thought of not having them every single night drives me insane!
I hate who I have become and I know that will all change if I can quit drinking for good this time.
My heart has not ever hurt like this before. I am sooo miserable
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 521
Well the good news is that you found your way here and that you now have some support. You might want to consider getting some help outside of yourself like AA or other programs. Honestly you have to stop for yourself. Wanting to save your family, you kids from leaving, your fill in the blank will never be enough. Until you want to stop because you want to stop.. then nothing will ever be enough.
I am glad you found your way here and we are glad to help and be here to support as much as we can!
I am glad you found your way here and we are glad to help and be here to support as much as we can!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Scottsboro, AL.
Posts: 81
Thanks Saliena... When I read the words "the good new is" my years skipped a beat (in a good way). I loved hearing that because I see no good new right now.
I think AA is great but the closest one I can attend is 45 min away. Like I said... It is me and the children a lot so it becomes hard. I have been to several and would love to be able to attend regularly. I will go as much as possible.
I just want my nerves to settle down. I am a nearvous wreck. Trying to work on top of that.
I don't ever want to be like this again!
I need something positive
I think AA is great but the closest one I can attend is 45 min away. Like I said... It is me and the children a lot so it becomes hard. I have been to several and would love to be able to attend regularly. I will go as much as possible.
I just want my nerves to settle down. I am a nearvous wreck. Trying to work on top of that.
I don't ever want to be like this again!
I need something positive
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,643
Welcome back! I am sorry that you are going through your current struggles. For now, I think you should focus on getting and staying sober. The marital problems will probably improve by addressing your alcohol addiction and through in-depth self-examination through counseling, working the steps of AA, or finding support within a program that resonates with you.
When trust has been broken, it does take actions to rebuild it, as words alone lose effectiveness. You can turn this around, just know that it will take a firm commitment and determination on your part.
When trust has been broken, it does take actions to rebuild it, as words alone lose effectiveness. You can turn this around, just know that it will take a firm commitment and determination on your part.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Welcome! You wil not regret quitting. You will certainly be a better father and husband when you no longer are drinking. There are lots of ways to help you stayed stopped once you quit. Check out SMART Recovery, Life Ring, or Rational Recovery. AA has been mentioned too. Life is so much better this side of sobriety.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR Lyingdog: There is actually a lot of good news in your life whether you see it or not. You stilll have a wife, you still have your kids and you still have a house for all of you to live in. The other good news is that you want to do something about your drinking, which seems to be the root of most of your problems. If you haven't yet, a good first step is a trip to the doc to make sure everything is OK before you quit totally. Withdrawal can be pretty serious if you aren't honest about it, so don't hold back. That may also show your wife your commitment to quitting, and also give some weight to her about the seriousness of it.
Best of luck, you'll find lots of support here and plenty of info on the various recovery programs.
Best of luck, you'll find lots of support here and plenty of info on the various recovery programs.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Lyingdog 
I do fine socially but my problem is that I like to stay up till 2:00am getting drunk alone. I sneek around the house and lie to my wife.
You can beat this, but you're probably going to have to give up the dreams of moderation. They are just holding you back.
My wife also drinks socially. Now I am the permanent designated driver. It's not so bad. Her displays of gratitude for getting her home safely have been an unexpected bonus.
best of luck!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 762
I don't think that drinking makes men look at porn Lying...they don't need an excuse.
I don't think that there are many women who are surprised or shocked by the fact that their man looks at porn these days. Yes, it is sad that they cannot project their yearnings on their loved ones but, it is understandable as a temptation.
The internet has made it so much more accessible, yet it was available in many other formats before this - I think a lot of men enjoyed the hiding it bit before, in the garage, workshop...the naughty boy syndrome.
It has become a hands on ('scuse the pun) easy exciter/addiction for men - I do however believe that in the not too distant future, men will get fed up of the fakeness of it all and it will then become the norm i.e. not as exciting - not the exclusive secretive thing that is has been for the last decade or so.
Men will then start getting excited at seeing an ankle again :>)
Good luck!
I don't think that there are many women who are surprised or shocked by the fact that their man looks at porn these days. Yes, it is sad that they cannot project their yearnings on their loved ones but, it is understandable as a temptation.
The internet has made it so much more accessible, yet it was available in many other formats before this - I think a lot of men enjoyed the hiding it bit before, in the garage, workshop...the naughty boy syndrome.
It has become a hands on ('scuse the pun) easy exciter/addiction for men - I do however believe that in the not too distant future, men will get fed up of the fakeness of it all and it will then become the norm i.e. not as exciting - not the exclusive secretive thing that is has been for the last decade or so.
Men will then start getting excited at seeing an ankle again :>)
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,235
Having members in recovery to ralley around you,
to embrace you, to understand you, to accept you
just the way you are is just one important part in
helping you stay sober each day.
Learning, filling you mind with knowledge about
your addiction and how it affects your body, mind
and soul is also another important tool in helping
you stay sober one more day.
Applying what you learn in recovery is also another
important part in allowing you to stay sober and
become happy, healthy, honest in all areas of your
life.
I entered recovery via rehab thru family intervention,
with them getting me help I needed at that time in
my life 22 yrs ago. I had 2 small children and was
into my 7th or 8 yr. marriage when that occurred.
My 28 day inpatiant stay with a 6 week outpatient
aftercare program allowed me to receive the knowledge
and tools of my addictions and a program of steps
and principle to live by and incorporate in my everyday
affairs.
Even tho my little family continued on with their
life, jobs, careers with no addiction, never skipping
a beat, were supportive of my recovery, but they
never understood my addiction because they were
and are not alcoholics.
I needed and wanted people to understand me
and my alcoholism and could only find it in the
rooms of AA. If I went to any lengths to drink
during my drinking career, then I went to any
lengths to stay sober. I had to do it for myself
and I wanted to stay sober for me and no one
else.
Living a recovery life means more to me 22yrs
sober later just as it did from day one. Each day
I remain sober, I learn something new and that is
a blessing a joy in recovery. I couldn't have found
what I needed to stay sober if I hadn't surrounded
myself with the fellowship in recovery.
You can too.
to embrace you, to understand you, to accept you
just the way you are is just one important part in
helping you stay sober each day.
Learning, filling you mind with knowledge about
your addiction and how it affects your body, mind
and soul is also another important tool in helping
you stay sober one more day.
Applying what you learn in recovery is also another
important part in allowing you to stay sober and
become happy, healthy, honest in all areas of your
life.
I entered recovery via rehab thru family intervention,
with them getting me help I needed at that time in
my life 22 yrs ago. I had 2 small children and was
into my 7th or 8 yr. marriage when that occurred.
My 28 day inpatiant stay with a 6 week outpatient
aftercare program allowed me to receive the knowledge
and tools of my addictions and a program of steps
and principle to live by and incorporate in my everyday
affairs.
Even tho my little family continued on with their
life, jobs, careers with no addiction, never skipping
a beat, were supportive of my recovery, but they
never understood my addiction because they were
and are not alcoholics.
I needed and wanted people to understand me
and my alcoholism and could only find it in the
rooms of AA. If I went to any lengths to drink
during my drinking career, then I went to any
lengths to stay sober. I had to do it for myself
and I wanted to stay sober for me and no one
else.
Living a recovery life means more to me 22yrs
sober later just as it did from day one. Each day
I remain sober, I learn something new and that is
a blessing a joy in recovery. I couldn't have found
what I needed to stay sober if I hadn't surrounded
myself with the fellowship in recovery.
You can too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Scottsboro, AL.
Posts: 81
I don't think drinking makes men look at porn. But I can resist that temptation when I am sober. When I get past a beer buzz my opinions change relative to what is ok and what is wrong. I am scared to death that I may cheat on my wife if I am drunk and have the opportunity. I could not live with that kind of guilt.
Our merrage has been hanging on by a thread and as a result of it our sex life has be become very few and far in between. I get our sons to sleep and call asleep with him and she does the same with our little girl. We haven't shared a bed in over a year. So we see little of each other. We lost our feelings for each other a long time ago. We almost divorced last year. It was around this same time.
My wife does display some manic depression behavior. It runs in her family and I fear that she will get their soon. If she does I would do whatever it takes to save our merrage. I would sacrifice.
But just listen to me talk the talk. I can't even quit drinking for more than a few days.
I think I judge myself based on my intentions. My wife judges my based on my actions.
My actions have to change quick!!
Our merrage has been hanging on by a thread and as a result of it our sex life has be become very few and far in between. I get our sons to sleep and call asleep with him and she does the same with our little girl. We haven't shared a bed in over a year. So we see little of each other. We lost our feelings for each other a long time ago. We almost divorced last year. It was around this same time.
My wife does display some manic depression behavior. It runs in her family and I fear that she will get their soon. If she does I would do whatever it takes to save our merrage. I would sacrifice.
But just listen to me talk the talk. I can't even quit drinking for more than a few days.
I think I judge myself based on my intentions. My wife judges my based on my actions.
My actions have to change quick!!
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
I expain the drinking to my wife as "my off switch is broken" . It was trcky for a long time but deterorated our the years. I do not think normies get "cravings" after they have had one or two. I did, and they got stronger over time. Its biological. There is no going back.
After 30 years of drinking , to be sober and happy with it is a precious gift. It is possible if you work on 'acceptance' that things with alchol are what they are, and that road goes where it goes.
After 30 years of drinking , to be sober and happy with it is a precious gift. It is possible if you work on 'acceptance' that things with alchol are what they are, and that road goes where it goes.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
I think AA is great but the closest one I can attend is 45 min away
Without a plan nothing much is gonna change...and that may mean this won't be your bottom after all.
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Most of these have online meetings nowadays.
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
There is a meeting right there in Scottsboro:
Meeting Locations - Area 1 District 3 Alcoholics Anonymous
Meeting Locations - Area 1 District 3 Alcoholics Anonymous
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Scottsboro, AL.
Posts: 81
My plan:
Post daily (my favorite part)
Get a sponsor (needs to be done by tomorrow because day three is when I start making excuses to drink again)
Fill someone I respect in on what is going on. Father, preacher, etc. (my least favorite part)
I think the pain of telling someone I respect may help me stay away from what put me in that position.
We have Celebrate Recovery in Scottsboro and I am going to that tonight.
Comments and suggestions welcome!
Post daily (my favorite part)
Get a sponsor (needs to be done by tomorrow because day three is when I start making excuses to drink again)
Fill someone I respect in on what is going on. Father, preacher, etc. (my least favorite part)
I think the pain of telling someone I respect may help me stay away from what put me in that position.
We have Celebrate Recovery in Scottsboro and I am going to that tonight.
Comments and suggestions welcome!
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
I love plans. I find them very useful. Is drinking/not drinking part of your plan? Could you add a line that said "I will not drink alcohol"? I assume that is your plan, but it might help to actually write it down, too.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
