Miller05

hi you guys...my husband graduates from his outpatient program tonight for cocaine/alcohol. it was a 4 month program. now, as part of the aftercare, there is a saturday AA meeting held every week. he says that he will be attending these meetings as well. he is also doing independent therapy...and we have marriage counseling. he pretty much broke every vow you can think of in the marriage while using, so yes, we need marriage counseling as well...and have been going for months.

i am going to start back up at nar anon.

i guess at this point....there is nothing i can do...but support his recovery, right? i mean, it is all on him. it is a scary time, because while i know that...i still fear a relapse...that old lifestyle was filled with a party life, other women, porn, irresponsibility, family issues, all bad....very bad.

i never thought we would be here....talking about graduation.

any aftercare advice from you guys?

i do have a strong support system...my family, my personal therapy....and nar anon. i also have some pretty strong boundaries in place in case he decides to go back to his old lifestyle.

i know i am rambling...but i guess i just needed to talk.

LoveMeNow

Ann always has to remind me to stay in today. I am hoping someday, I will really embrace that advice and not have to be reminded.

Sounds like your husband is doing very well and trying to make amends. Just for today, enjoy it, him and your family.

AnvilheadII

keep your expectations LOW and your boundaries HIGH.

the best support you can be for his recovery is stay in yours.

it sounds like you are doing well at this juncture!!!

allforcnm

Hi Miller.

I was scared too when my husband came home from rehab. But you know it gets better... as long as he takes care of himself, and you continue to work on your issues, and the marriage issues like your doing. Our aftercare was the same as yours except leaving out the aa and alanon. My other suggestion would be just to enjoy your time together, and try to let your life together reach a new level of normal. Our lives could not be all about the addiction stuff, or the past. We had to find joy in today, and in plans for our future, our little boy, etc.

cynical one

Has he had any professional help addressing his physical violence issues or has he completed any type of parenting class?

Miller05

thanks for the replies...i will take this one day at a time....it is very scary.

from what i understand the, the AA meetings are "forever." tomorrow is discharge day. i will definitely take your advice and keep my expectations low and my boundaries HIGH.

i will also take this all one day at a time.

i will let you know how it is going.

thanks so much you guys.

allforcnm

I will be thinking of you. I know it may be hard to see it right now, but you both have come such a long way. So much work alone, and together. Whatever lies ahead I know is uncertain, but you will always be able to look back and be proud of the work you have just completed.

Miller05

thank you you...it has been a long road and we are going to keep fighting. he graduated tonight...they had cake and icecream...and everyone had such nice things to say....and he talked about how he is on the path to changing his life....and how humbled he is after going through the program, and very much aware of how early he is in recovery. he is very remorseful for all that he has done....i can see that...but it will take time for me to feel normal again...and safe.

the main focus he talked about was his aftercare meetings once a week. i guess a lot of the people in his group will be attending the same aftercare meetings. i think he has mixed emotions about the sessions ending...he said as much in the ride home...i think they all formed a strong bond.

it seems like even though the program has ended, the real work has just begun.

i am so thankful to have my own support group for my recovery as well.

forgiveness at times seems so elusive to me...i hope with time, that will change. he is fighting for himself, for us, our family...and sometimes i just feel "stuck."

like you all said...one day at a time.

LoveMeNow

To my compete surprise, my husband has really embraced his new friends from NA and the meetings. Although, he has had setbacks and struggles, he continued his meetings and fellowship. These friends have been amazingly supportive.

I thought I would eventually really dislike and resent all his involvement with NA but I haven't at all. I, too, have made many new friends that I completely enjoy. It has added something different but great to our lives.

Having clean and sober friends has been a real blessing to our marriage and our lives.

Congratulations on working a hard fight along with your husband.

Kindeyes

Most importantly, you keep taking care of you.....just like you're doing.

It's so good to hear that things are moving in a positive direction. You and your dear husband will be in my prayers.

gentle hugs
ke