juliep

I just thought I would share the latest part of my story. Hopefully you will see some similarities and realise you are not alone!

I left by abf in January, but he attempted suicide soon afterwards and I (stupidly) visited him in hospital, took him home to my place etc only for him to continue drinking heavily and basically get in a terrible state: messing himself, falling down the stairs - you know the story.

After several more hospital visits / ambulance calls I told him to leave. Of course he went mad but eventually left. I told him I dont want to be with him if he continues to drink.

Now the extent of his lies is becoming clear to me. I won't go into it now, but looking back over our our relationship I can now see so many times where he has lied. ie "I just need to go and do some shopping and wash my car, I'll come round and see you later" really means " Ooh, the pubs open - I'm just off for a few pints, I don't know when I'll see you next"

He has now not been turning up at work so faces losing his job. He phones me or texts me saying he is going to end it all. When I try and be patient and helpful towards him he is arrogant and obviously doesnt want help. And of course it is always 'everyone else's fault'.

I have done so much for him - sacrificing my work and well being in the process. Taking a step back and looking at my life and what I have put up with has made me a stronger more 'normal' person and I am no longer under his evil spell.

Lulu39

Juliep I'm glad you are out and finally got him to leave.

I was just thinking along the same lines as your post: lies, arrogance and denial - how's that for an acronym LADS!

Lies: When my XAH was caught out in a lie many, many, many times he always told me that he HAD to lie to me. He had no choice BUT to lie, because if he told me the truth "you would be mad at me" (accompanied by his sorrowful sad face).

Arrogance: The drunken lectures I have had to sit through. Being accused of mismanaging the household money when I was the only person with a job while he sat home and drank and smoked drugs.

And now, the emails written in drunklish where he attempts to use legalese and legal jargon. Sometimes some of them make me scared - he threatens to take the kids and sue me and get every member of our families to back him up in court to say what a
b*tch I am and how it's my fault he drinks and takes drugs. However, If I take a breath and realise that it's just words and that he NEVER follows through with ANYTHING he says he is going to do, I feel better. I feel a lot better when the passing of time proves to me that it was just drunklish and arrogant threats. He never follows any words up with actions.

Denial: Since I made him leave he has taken more time off work than he has available to him to take off work - LOADS more. He has been ordered to undergo workplace counselling by a psychologist. He takes more time off work than people I know who are undergoing treatment for cancer. Yet, he keeps on drinking and taking drugs. And guess what? Whose fault do you think his current situation is?

He still drinks and takes drugs because I make him do it, yet he hasn't even lived here in nearly 7 months. It's still all my fault. Oh and never forget that he really doesn't have any problem whatsoever with his use of alcohol and drugs. He has it all under control. I'm just a hysterical b*tch from hell who is trying to RUIN HIS LIFE.

What is a LAD - a LIAR who is ARROGANT and in DENIAL about their addictions and their abusive behaviours.

A LAD can also be defined as a young man who hasn't quite entered adulthood yet - fits for me.