flyonthewall

So, today I have decided to join and post here. I guess I'm an alcoholic. A few people in my family have died from liver diseases. And I think 3 living members of my family stopped drinking or reduced it.

I'm joining today because I drank too much last night. While I was babysitting someone's baby. The baby was asleep, and apparently so was I. They had to shake me really hard just to get me to wake up. Then I puked on their couch and in their bathroom. Disgusting. Then apparently I was totally drunk and acting like an idiot and screaming. This is the worst thing I have ever done in my life. The most irresponsible, uncool, grossest thing I have ever done. Then on the way home I was acting like a complete fool and abusing my husband both verbally and physically.

And guess what? I don't remember a thing. I have NO memory of it. I drank two glasses of wine, didn't eat dinner, and then the next thing I remember is waking up this morning. My husband told me the whole story. I don't remember talking to the parents when they got home, nothing.

My husband and I were supposed to go out with friends after I babysat, and we went home instead because I was so wasted.


I woke up this morning to the news that I got crazy drunk while babysitting last night. I cried allllll day today. I wrote the mom an email to which she has not responded, telling her how sorry and remorseful I am. And that I'm getting help.



This is me getting help. The parents are also coworkers AND friends that we see on a regular basis... how can I mend this relationship???

If I'm hungover today, does tomorrow technically start my sobriety or does today count? I didn't have a drink today.

MeSoSober

Welcome and hugs to you. I am also guilty of the drunk child care thing. This place is like a freaking confessional booth.

You have just joined forces with an amazing group of people.

Coldfusion

Welcome, you've come to a good place.

For now, don't worry about making amends, and FWIW your sobriety date is the first day you didn't take a drink.

I ended up in detox, and would recommend that you go there if you feel like drinking again. It is clear that you might be a danger to yourself or others.

You're not alone, and we can help you see how to set your life straight with yourself and those around you.

Hevyn

Welcome flyonthewall. You are not alone - the same sort of thing has happened to most of us. I'm glad you found us - things will get better now that you've reached out for help. You can do it.

flyonthewall

What is FWIW?

I definately never want to drink again! I also used to get drunk and then take 3 or 4 hours to get home and scared the poop out of my husband.

Mostly I am able to keep an even keel with drinking, but then there are random random times that are so bad and embarrassing that it makes me want to stop. This is the worst thing that has ever happened with my drinking. And I feel like drinking just isn't worth it any more!

Coldfusion

For What It's Worth...

I would recommend that you look into AA or some other type of meetings, and your husband might try Al-Anon. Does he drink?

Richierich777

Two drinks? Wow. I thought maybe the bottle however you know how it feels and you should write the parents.

flyonthewall

He doesn't drink regularly. I have a lot of addictive personalities in my family, and he doesn't act addicted at all. He can have a beer and be fine. He doesn't like to get drunk. So I'm really grateful that he's not an alcoholic, otherwise we would probably drink together all the time. But he drinks for the taste, he hates to be drunk.

I'm glad you asked me that because now I'm grateful to him for not drinking! I should thank him tonight for that as well as for putting up with me... he says if I have another crazy drinking night he's going to think about leaving me

least

Make this the first day of a better sober life. Start today. I hope your husband will be supportive of your sobriety. You always have us here to listen to you.

Dee74

welcome flyonthewall

yeah blackouts are scary - I'm guessing you probably drank more than the two drinks you remember too.

The really good thing is - noones hopeless...you can turn this around

Good to have you here

D

Anna

I'm glad you found us. I had blackouts too, and they are so scary. It's awful to think that there are periods of your life that you have no recollection of and will never remember. You can get through this and it never has to happen again.

flyonthewall

Why do blackouts happen? it's really weird ! I apparently was walking and talking and being really rude and crazy (besides puking!)

I wrote an email to the mom and I tried to explain that I really didn't remember talking to her... and I wonder if that makes it worse

Blackouts are awwwwfulllll.

Dee74

They are - but I haven;t had one, or a drink, for over 6 years now
You can get there too

D

3girls1husband

I'm much like you,i can handle my drinks most of the time..but when i don't its pretty ugly...keep coming here, the people are great and it really does help!

Sally3127

Luckily I never suffered from blackouts. I would just pass out.

I got drunk while babysitting my 3 year old grandson one night. Luckily my sister happened to stop by and take care of my grandson. My kids never found out about it but it is an amend I am going to have to make shortly.

You experienced what some of us refer to as "rock bottom." The good thing about rock bottom is that for some of us it is the beginning of our sober lives. I hope that is the case for you. Keep coming back.

flyonthewall

The beginning of my sober life. Definately. Today I told my husband "if you think I still want to drink after last night, you're crazy."

Another

I'm sorry for your flounder and hope find a new way of letting loose. Puking on others property was me 6 years before quitting. I can relate to taking forever to return home as well, Always lost walking just looking for more booze on the streets. Unfortunately it does only get worse when one doesn't care to get drunk. Everything will fall apart or you can decide that on your own what you want in life. It may seem innocent now but many people have chose the wrong direction, I did and luckily survived it. We all deserve a second chance and many people want to see you make this one count

artsoul

Welcome flyonthewall!
Sorry this happened to you, but glad you decided to join us. I hope things work out with your friend.

flyonthewall

Am I ever going to recover from this embarrassment?

When I was drunk at their house, I really feel as if it wasn't me. I was blacked out... I take responsibility for it, but at the same time I know I was insanely drunk and I would never act that way normally.

But all they saw was me, acting crazy, covered in puke, and now even though I wrote an apology email, I want them to never have to see me again. I feel like completely avoiding them forever... but it sucks because my husband works with the father and I work with the mother. (I only see her once a week.)

I've never done anything this terrible in my entire life. Seriously. I am too selfish and prideful and I would never tarnish my own reputation like that. I just really am in shock that it was me doing those things...

This is the most I've ever disliked myself.

Also I feel like they think I'm lying about forgetting the whole night...

ScoutBall

Know that you are not alone in doing something that shames you to your core.
Me too.
Don't beat yourself up for it.
Do continue to seek help, and start putting the pieces back together. You can only control what YOU do from here on out--and not drinking sounds like a good start.
Alcohol is a pretty wicked thing, and can make all of us say, do, and feel things we wouldn't normally.

I hope things work out with your friend.

Be gentle with yourself.
Best,
SB