Danlyn

Hi everyone! I feel so blessed to have stumble upon this forum. I discovered yesterday that my husband of 30yrs has been lying to me for years about his drinking. He has been through treatment 1x like 10+yrs ago and was sober for years. I knew he was drinking again and we have had many discussions about it. I stupidly believed him when he said he was fine and had it under control. During this time I had a major accident and shattered my knew and leg. I had also lost my grandmother during this time. So I didn't have time and energy to deal with this issue. He confessed everything (?) about his drinking again. He says I didn't listen to the counselors so I should know an addict will replace one addiction with another one and the "new"addiction would be me (sex)! I feel so numbed and can't seem to get past all the lies and the deceitful ways he would use to drink. I feel so stupid that I didn't know what he was doing. I guess my question would this, what do I do now & how do I get past his lying and me not being able to trust him?

Thanks!

Gilmer

Why not recommend this forum to him? If he is serious about giving alcohol up, it will provide a lot of positive feedback. I admit, I have relied on it lately as a bit of a crutch (replacing one addiction with another). With your physical condition, it is inconsiderate at best for him to think you're up to par in the sex goddess arena. Have you had a long, calm, serious talk with him about trust issues and his addiction? Maybe out at a nice restaurant, in a neutral, pleasant environment, hopefully at a time when you can be somewhat emotionally detached--right now your emotions seem pretty raw.

least

Do you have any support for yourself? There's not much you can do to 'make' him stop drinking but you need support for yourself to get thru this. Have you tried going to AlAnon meetings? Lots of support there. We also have a friends and family forum you might be interested in.

Welcome to SR!


Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Danlyn

Thanks for replying so quickly. Unfortunately I do not have a lot of support. My best friend lives in NM and she is just a phone call away. I don't want to burden our adult kids, but they do know what is going on and they tell me when he drinks. They have learned to stay away from him when he is drinking. I have tried Al Anon before but I didn't connect with anyone. I will look for another group. I just can't seem to process the deceit while he walks around like everything is fine. Now I'm angry but I can't seem to find the words to tell him this.

Dee74

Welcome Danlyn

You'll find a lot of support here - do check out the links least gave you too

D

Hevyn

Welcome Danlyn. You'll find many here who are going through the same thing. It really helps not being alone anymore. I hope you find the help and encouragement you need. We're happy you've joined us.