73 year old AH
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 274
73 year old AH
Can anyone help? I am 51 and have been married for 22 years to an alcoholic. Until he retired, he was very successful business wise. He is drinking around 3/4 litre of vodka a day. He has health problems - 13th feb was hospitalised for alcohol toxicity plus heart problems. He has also had a bad reaction we think to his tablets but is still drinking.
He is very forgetful and can get very abusive when drunk but seems not to remember what he has said! I am at times quite frightened of him - he says he hates me and that he drinks because I make him unhappy but he has drunk heavily more years than I have been born!
I worry about going out because he has left the gas ring on, slept through the timer for his food, let hte bath overflow.
My main question is given his age, how long can he go on like this? I have tried many times since 1997 to get him into counselling. I have had counselling but the main advice is to get my own life, which given he is suffering from dizziness and severe forgetfuillness is mega difficult.
I cannot leave because we have several dearly beloved pets and I just cannot leave them. My husband isn't eating and sometime says he wants do die - the paramedic felt back in feb that his liver was swollen.
He isn't eating very much and is nopw on Diltiazem for his heart problem but I honestly don't think he should be drinking with that. He is covered in red spots but they could be due to the reaction to the pills
I am very isolated - but I do have my father and a close friend living nearby.
I just don't know how to help him anymore - I am getting very depressed over this - he has been lying on the sofa for the last 7hours - not really asleep or awake.
Has anyone any experience of late stage older alcoholics> I realise he has to want to give up/cut down but given his age, am not sure he will.
Thanks for reading
He is very forgetful and can get very abusive when drunk but seems not to remember what he has said! I am at times quite frightened of him - he says he hates me and that he drinks because I make him unhappy but he has drunk heavily more years than I have been born!
I worry about going out because he has left the gas ring on, slept through the timer for his food, let hte bath overflow.
My main question is given his age, how long can he go on like this? I have tried many times since 1997 to get him into counselling. I have had counselling but the main advice is to get my own life, which given he is suffering from dizziness and severe forgetfuillness is mega difficult.
I cannot leave because we have several dearly beloved pets and I just cannot leave them. My husband isn't eating and sometime says he wants do die - the paramedic felt back in feb that his liver was swollen.
He isn't eating very much and is nopw on Diltiazem for his heart problem but I honestly don't think he should be drinking with that. He is covered in red spots but they could be due to the reaction to the pills
I am very isolated - but I do have my father and a close friend living nearby.
I just don't know how to help him anymore - I am getting very depressed over this - he has been lying on the sofa for the last 7hours - not really asleep or awake.
Has anyone any experience of late stage older alcoholics> I realise he has to want to give up/cut down but given his age, am not sure he will.
Thanks for reading
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Unfortunately you can't do anything for him. There is no controlling an alcoholic. The advice to get on with your own life is correct and while it may not "feel" right it is the best thing that you can do for yourself.
There is no "cutting down" with an alcoholic, its either drink or don't drink. The disease cannot be managed by quantity or choice of alcohol. Sadly even destroying ones body with alcohol is even not enough to get them to quit.
No one can say how long he can go on like this. Clearly his organs are being affected but the length of time that he can drink nobody knows.
Now then what about you? You live with a man that you fear. You are a prisoner to his alcoholism because you can't leave the house for fear he may burn it or flood it. Rather than focus on him perhaps its time to focus on yourself and your own happiness. This is simply no way to live.
I advise that you go to Al Anon. It will help you in more ways than you can imagine. Stay on here, ask questions and post often. There is a lot of help here and resources for YOU. I am sorry for what you are going through its tragic.
There is no "cutting down" with an alcoholic, its either drink or don't drink. The disease cannot be managed by quantity or choice of alcohol. Sadly even destroying ones body with alcohol is even not enough to get them to quit.
No one can say how long he can go on like this. Clearly his organs are being affected but the length of time that he can drink nobody knows.
Now then what about you? You live with a man that you fear. You are a prisoner to his alcoholism because you can't leave the house for fear he may burn it or flood it. Rather than focus on him perhaps its time to focus on yourself and your own happiness. This is simply no way to live.
I advise that you go to Al Anon. It will help you in more ways than you can imagine. Stay on here, ask questions and post often. There is a lot of help here and resources for YOU. I am sorry for what you are going through its tragic.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
You have found a wonderful resource of information and support. Please make yourself at home by reading, posting and venting as often as needed.
It's hard to watch a loved one destroy their body, mind and soul with a chemical addiction. Alcohol is a very addictive chemical. It is one of the few chemicals that passes the blood/brain barrier. The entire body (brain included) becomes addicted to the chemical.
I learned more about alcoholism by reading a post here at SR. The post contained excerpts from a well written book: "Under the Influence". After reading the post, I went out and purchased the book. The knowledge I gained by learning more about alcoholism helped me to make better decisions for my life. Here is a link to the post that contains excerpts from that book:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
When I first arrived here, I learned about the 3 C's of my husband's addiction to alcohol:
I did not Cause it
I can not Control it
I will not Cure it
It took me a while to accept that concept.
I had concerns that I wasn't doing enough to relieve his stress, therefore, I felt I was triggering his drinking.
I thought if I orchestrated the day perfectly I could prevent a drunken day.
I felt like I owed it to him to help him find a way out of his addiction.
I thought it was my job to rescue him from himself!
Then I began to understand the concept. I understood the illustration that was shared about airline travel. You know how the airline attendants share the recommended safety practices in the event of an emergency,right? One of the tips is to put on your own air mask before attempting to help other passengers.
I can't help you fix your husband, but I can support, encourage and share my experiences with you as you learn to find your way through recovery from life with alcoholism
You have found a wonderful resource of information and support. Please make yourself at home by reading, posting and venting as often as needed.
It's hard to watch a loved one destroy their body, mind and soul with a chemical addiction. Alcohol is a very addictive chemical. It is one of the few chemicals that passes the blood/brain barrier. The entire body (brain included) becomes addicted to the chemical.
I learned more about alcoholism by reading a post here at SR. The post contained excerpts from a well written book: "Under the Influence". After reading the post, I went out and purchased the book. The knowledge I gained by learning more about alcoholism helped me to make better decisions for my life. Here is a link to the post that contains excerpts from that book:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
When I first arrived here, I learned about the 3 C's of my husband's addiction to alcohol:
I did not Cause it
I can not Control it
I will not Cure it
It took me a while to accept that concept.
I had concerns that I wasn't doing enough to relieve his stress, therefore, I felt I was triggering his drinking.
I thought if I orchestrated the day perfectly I could prevent a drunken day.
I felt like I owed it to him to help him find a way out of his addiction.
I thought it was my job to rescue him from himself!
Then I began to understand the concept. I understood the illustration that was shared about airline travel. You know how the airline attendants share the recommended safety practices in the event of an emergency,right? One of the tips is to put on your own air mask before attempting to help other passengers.
I can't help you fix your husband, but I can support, encourage and share my experiences with you as you learn to find your way through recovery from life with alcoholism
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 274
Thank you both. I will investigate Al anon again but I don't drive and it isn't easy to get to the meeting - taxi will be very expensive.
BTW I live in the Uk .
I do appreciate I cannot rescue him. I just cannot leave my beloved cats - he does love them, but I honestly don't think he is able to take care of himself yet alone them! I breed and show them.
But I will explore the site and have a think about getting out more - I have joined a pilates class.
I do worry so about him still - I cannot easily know the difference between passing out from drink and an actual alcoholic coma - he does have a huge tolerance but at nearly 74, it is really affecting him health wise. He has no other family apart from me and one sister who lives a long way off. We were happy for many years but he was very controlling.
But I know from the few threads I have read, that many others have been through this and are going through this and survived! My doctor thinks I should leave but I just can't because of my cats! Pathetic I know, but they really are my life.
BTW I live in the Uk .
I do appreciate I cannot rescue him. I just cannot leave my beloved cats - he does love them, but I honestly don't think he is able to take care of himself yet alone them! I breed and show them.
But I will explore the site and have a think about getting out more - I have joined a pilates class.
I do worry so about him still - I cannot easily know the difference between passing out from drink and an actual alcoholic coma - he does have a huge tolerance but at nearly 74, it is really affecting him health wise. He has no other family apart from me and one sister who lives a long way off. We were happy for many years but he was very controlling.
But I know from the few threads I have read, that many others have been through this and are going through this and survived! My doctor thinks I should leave but I just can't because of my cats! Pathetic I know, but they really are my life.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I felt isolated and trapped in an alcoholic nightmare while living with alcoholism. I had grown accustomed to accepting his view of our life, of myself and our future. I believed an alcoholic.
Getting support helped me get my focus back on myself.
My alcoholic was very controlling too. I won't go into details of all the financial controls, but it was extensive. It felt like I was manipulated into being trapped. (I had also been a stay-at-home mom for 12 of our 14 years of marriage)
As I got healthier, I began to explore my options. I followed advice and sought out free consultation with an attorney. The first attorney left me devastated as he said I was stuck and would not be able to afford to fight him in court. He said I should stay or walk away with nothing. When I finally recovered from that bad experience, I tried again. The next attorney was very encouraging and told me what my rights were in my situation.
I had options.
As you begin to take control of your own life, you may discover you have other options too.
Keep reaching out.
Getting support helped me get my focus back on myself.
My alcoholic was very controlling too. I won't go into details of all the financial controls, but it was extensive. It felt like I was manipulated into being trapped. (I had also been a stay-at-home mom for 12 of our 14 years of marriage)
As I got healthier, I began to explore my options. I followed advice and sought out free consultation with an attorney. The first attorney left me devastated as he said I was stuck and would not be able to afford to fight him in court. He said I should stay or walk away with nothing. When I finally recovered from that bad experience, I tried again. The next attorney was very encouraging and told me what my rights were in my situation.
I had options.
As you begin to take control of your own life, you may discover you have other options too.
Keep reaching out.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: gold coast
Posts: 101
Has a go assessed. Him for dementia. Alcoholic or normal dementia. Keep reading and learning. He needs a good Dr to give him a physical and blood tests to rule out medical reasons for his behaviour. Maybe he is scared and realizing his forgetfulness and is thinking the worse and drinking more to forget. Hugs to you and concentrate on you
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear Quish, I know that things may be quite different in the UK, but, have you thought of having him involuntarily committed to a facility for evaluation/treatment---then placed in a nursing facility after discharge?
You might also talk to someone who is a very long time member of AA bout doing a 12th step with him. In certain dire situations, a well recovering alcoholic will sometimes come to speak with the suffering alcoholic--sometimes this is the only thing that reaches them. It may be worth the try.
If he knew that you were walking out the door---he might become frightened enough of dying alone that he would agree to going into a treatment facility.
I know that in the UK kittys are verry beloved. Perhaps you can call on some other cat lovers to help you find a place that you can take your cats with you.
I know that this can't be easy. I also understand how you love your kittys.
very sincerely, dandylion
You might also talk to someone who is a very long time member of AA bout doing a 12th step with him. In certain dire situations, a well recovering alcoholic will sometimes come to speak with the suffering alcoholic--sometimes this is the only thing that reaches them. It may be worth the try.
If he knew that you were walking out the door---he might become frightened enough of dying alone that he would agree to going into a treatment facility.
I know that in the UK kittys are verry beloved. Perhaps you can call on some other cat lovers to help you find a place that you can take your cats with you.
I know that this can't be easy. I also understand how you love your kittys.
very sincerely, dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 274
hi
I will certainly see if an AA member would come out.
BTW I have 18 cats - Norwegian Forest cats - eldest galliano who is 17 and youngster 2 who have just turned one and were partially hand rearerd. No easy solutions I know but yes, if someone who has RECOVERED and knows how hard it is to stop, came to talk to him, he might listen.
He is very ill at the moment - very drowsy and maybe just maybe that is frightening him enough to see if there are options. He is very very against going into hospital and says if I call amubulance he will send it away. He can do this legally in the UK, provided he still has 'mental capacity' .
thanks for your time the AA idea is worth a go!
I will certainly see if an AA member would come out.
BTW I have 18 cats - Norwegian Forest cats - eldest galliano who is 17 and youngster 2 who have just turned one and were partially hand rearerd. No easy solutions I know but yes, if someone who has RECOVERED and knows how hard it is to stop, came to talk to him, he might listen.
He is very ill at the moment - very drowsy and maybe just maybe that is frightening him enough to see if there are options. He is very very against going into hospital and says if I call amubulance he will send it away. He can do this legally in the UK, provided he still has 'mental capacity' .
thanks for your time the AA idea is worth a go!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear Quish, one can also do the same her in U.S.--send the ambulance away. Sadly, he might arrive at the point of mental incapacity.
I have another suggestion that I am going to you by private message (look for it at the right-hand top of the page.
I would to see your cats--they sound magnificant!!
dandylion
I have another suggestion that I am going to you by private message (look for it at the right-hand top of the page.
I would to see your cats--they sound magnificant!!
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Sending hugs, if OK, Quish. One quick thought: After an AlAnon meeting or a few, it might be possible to find some one to ride-share with. I know asking for help is something I have a very hard time with, but what I think is a huge favor, might only be 'on-the-way-anyway' for some one else.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Quish,
Asking for help was one of my biggest barriers to recovery.
One day, I just asked someone for help. She was actually very happy to be able to help me.
After having a think about this, I realized how pleased I would be to be able to help someone in recovery.
It was spiritually and emotionally healing to connect with someone. I had isolated myself from everyone. It was a life changer.
Beth
PS I would love to see your kitties too! I am watching a show on Animal Planet called "My Cat From He!!". Of course, the cats are not bad, just scared or misunderstood.
Asking for help was one of my biggest barriers to recovery.
One day, I just asked someone for help. She was actually very happy to be able to help me.
After having a think about this, I realized how pleased I would be to be able to help someone in recovery.
It was spiritually and emotionally healing to connect with someone. I had isolated myself from everyone. It was a life changer.
Beth
PS I would love to see your kitties too! I am watching a show on Animal Planet called "My Cat From He!!". Of course, the cats are not bad, just scared or misunderstood.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 274
Update - events have overtaken me?
Thank you for the replies. Yes, if I can get to one alaon meeting by taxi I may be able to get a lift and/or telephone support.
AH was very ill yesterday afternoon, very confused and forgetful - thought reaction to heart pills. I got my friend to come round - she is a nurse. Duty doctor sent us to the emergency drop in at the hospital. We were in the waiting room when he keeled over and fell on the floor. I stayed for 6 hours whilst they were doing tests and they want to keep him in for a day or two. He has had a head scan due to the bump on his head but no results yet. They are also doing blood tests including lipids which I think is liver related. Just waiting now but he did phone me at midnight when I had got home, and said he was now in an assessment ward and had been sick so I am worried about a potential heart attack but he is in the right place!.
I did tell the doctor about the amount he drinks because AH started shaking and nurse wanted to know if he was diabetic.
I do feel that the amount he drinks will affect any heart pill he takes!
Maybe, just maybe, this will scare him enought to cut down - he can't just stop because that would be dangerous. I do hope if we can get someone from AA out, they won't hold back and will tell him what a horrible death dying from alcohol abuse can be!
If he will listen, my challenge will be to find things wants to do, if he cuts down or gives the alcohol. He used to be a good photographer and loved doing cat photos but now he doesn't seem to be able to make his camera work and often says the photos have disappeared! I do feel the alcohol has affected his brain, given the number of years he has been drinking heavily. I tried to get him to AA as long ago as 1997. He isn't social and feels his IQ means he is so far about people intellectually - especially me!!!! We had intended to have a litter of kittens, with our grand champion Queenie and ironically he still seems keen, but right now I just feel too emotionally exhausted to bring new life into the world! I have had 3 litters since 2008 and kep-t them all but they have all been small litters.But if a litter would give him something to live for them I would go for it - I tend to do the day to day care of the cats such as the show prep and cleaning of the litter trays/food bowls. If anything goes wrong though, I do hand rear and feeding 1,5ml formula every 2 hours day and night and coping with AH if he does go downhill isn't a viable option. He did offer to help with my last 2 but the mother Penn was so much mine, I don't think she would have let him and it may be dangerous if he had been drinking - it has to be done a certain way or you can risk fluid getting in the kittens lungs and killing them.
I am at the stage where I am borderline saying I won't go with him to hospital next time but I felt I needed to tell them what pills he was taking because he was just so dozy and I was so worried he might be at risk of an alcoholic coma. I do know he is very depressed and sometimes says he wants to die but won't kill himself - he is eating very very little just a piece of cheese last few days, and orange juice with the vodka.
So, now having pot of tea and cuddling the cats who remain a great comfort. Our doctor says he can't help because AH does not want help and AH also hates counsellors, medics, et al et al. I do know some alcoholics have to hit rock bottom and then will seek help. I just hope the physical damage isn't too great to reverse given his age. So waiting for test results now which given it is weekend will probably be Monday.
Thanks for reading. I shall keep exploring the site and try to learn all I can. alcoholics can recover but given Ah age it is going to be hard and I do know HE has to want to - he insists I make him drink but I do know intellectually I don't but emotionally it is hard to disengage. I keep remember he was drinking heavily in 1990 when if he had said 'jump; I would have said 'how high'.
Thinking of everyone going through something similar! my godmother thinks that a good woman can save AH but only he can save him. I have ran out of ideas and emotional stength.My male Grand Champion Vanquish (now you know where I get the name and we have 16 Wegies and 2 rescue moggies) is sitting next to me - won't leave my side. No way could I leave my cats - they are my and even AH family.
AH was very ill yesterday afternoon, very confused and forgetful - thought reaction to heart pills. I got my friend to come round - she is a nurse. Duty doctor sent us to the emergency drop in at the hospital. We were in the waiting room when he keeled over and fell on the floor. I stayed for 6 hours whilst they were doing tests and they want to keep him in for a day or two. He has had a head scan due to the bump on his head but no results yet. They are also doing blood tests including lipids which I think is liver related. Just waiting now but he did phone me at midnight when I had got home, and said he was now in an assessment ward and had been sick so I am worried about a potential heart attack but he is in the right place!.
I did tell the doctor about the amount he drinks because AH started shaking and nurse wanted to know if he was diabetic.
I do feel that the amount he drinks will affect any heart pill he takes!
Maybe, just maybe, this will scare him enought to cut down - he can't just stop because that would be dangerous. I do hope if we can get someone from AA out, they won't hold back and will tell him what a horrible death dying from alcohol abuse can be!
If he will listen, my challenge will be to find things wants to do, if he cuts down or gives the alcohol. He used to be a good photographer and loved doing cat photos but now he doesn't seem to be able to make his camera work and often says the photos have disappeared! I do feel the alcohol has affected his brain, given the number of years he has been drinking heavily. I tried to get him to AA as long ago as 1997. He isn't social and feels his IQ means he is so far about people intellectually - especially me!!!! We had intended to have a litter of kittens, with our grand champion Queenie and ironically he still seems keen, but right now I just feel too emotionally exhausted to bring new life into the world! I have had 3 litters since 2008 and kep-t them all but they have all been small litters.But if a litter would give him something to live for them I would go for it - I tend to do the day to day care of the cats such as the show prep and cleaning of the litter trays/food bowls. If anything goes wrong though, I do hand rear and feeding 1,5ml formula every 2 hours day and night and coping with AH if he does go downhill isn't a viable option. He did offer to help with my last 2 but the mother Penn was so much mine, I don't think she would have let him and it may be dangerous if he had been drinking - it has to be done a certain way or you can risk fluid getting in the kittens lungs and killing them.
I am at the stage where I am borderline saying I won't go with him to hospital next time but I felt I needed to tell them what pills he was taking because he was just so dozy and I was so worried he might be at risk of an alcoholic coma. I do know he is very depressed and sometimes says he wants to die but won't kill himself - he is eating very very little just a piece of cheese last few days, and orange juice with the vodka.
So, now having pot of tea and cuddling the cats who remain a great comfort. Our doctor says he can't help because AH does not want help and AH also hates counsellors, medics, et al et al. I do know some alcoholics have to hit rock bottom and then will seek help. I just hope the physical damage isn't too great to reverse given his age. So waiting for test results now which given it is weekend will probably be Monday.
Thanks for reading. I shall keep exploring the site and try to learn all I can. alcoholics can recover but given Ah age it is going to be hard and I do know HE has to want to - he insists I make him drink but I do know intellectually I don't but emotionally it is hard to disengage. I keep remember he was drinking heavily in 1990 when if he had said 'jump; I would have said 'how high'.
Thinking of everyone going through something similar! my godmother thinks that a good woman can save AH but only he can save him. I have ran out of ideas and emotional stength.My male Grand Champion Vanquish (now you know where I get the name and we have 16 Wegies and 2 rescue moggies) is sitting next to me - won't leave my side. No way could I leave my cats - they are my and even AH family.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 274
Update - events have overtaken me?
Thank you for the replies. Yes, if I can get to one alaon meeting by taxi I may be able to get a lift and/or telephone support.
AH was very ill yesterday afternoon, very confused and forgetful - thought reaction to heart pills. I got my friend to come round - she is a nurse. Duty doctor sent us to the emergency drop in at the hospital. We were in the waiting room when he keeled over and fell on the floor. I stayed for 6 hours whilst they were doing tests and they want to keep him in for a day or two. He has had a head scan due to the bump on his head but no results yet. They are also doing blood tests including lipids which I think is liver related. Just waiting now but he did phone me at midnight when I had got home, and said he was now in an assessment ward and had been sick so I am worried about a potential heart attack but he is in the right place!.
I did tell the doctor about the amount he drinks because AH started shaking and nurse wanted to know if he was diabetic.
I do feel that the amount he drinks will affect any heart pill he takes!
Maybe, just maybe, this will scare him enought to cut down - he can't just stop because that would be dangerous. I do hope if we can get someone from AA out, they won't hold back and will tell him what a horrible death dying from alcohol abuse can be!
If he will listen, my challenge will be to find things wants to do, if he cuts down or gives the alcohol. He used to be a good photographer and loved doing cat photos but now he doesn't seem to be able to make his camera work and often says the photos have disappeared! I do feel the alcohol has affected his brain, given the number of years he has been drinking heavily. I tried to get him to AA as long ago as 1997. He isn't social and feels his IQ means he is so far about people intellectually - especially me!!!! We had intended to have a litter of kittens, with our grand champion Queenie and ironically he still seems keen, but right now I just feel too emotionally exhausted to bring new life into the world! I have had 3 litters since 2008 and kep-t them all but they have all been small litters.But if a litter would give him something to live for them I would go for it - I tend to do the day to day care of the cats such as the show prep and cleaning of the litter trays/food bowls. If anything goes wrong though, I do hand rear and feeding 1,5ml formula every 2 hours day and night and coping with AH if he does go downhill isn't a viable option. He did offer to help with my last 2 but the mother Penn was so much mine, I don't think she would have let him and it may be dangerous if he had been drinking - it has to be done a certain way or you can risk fluid getting in the kittens lungs and killing them.
I am at the stage where I am borderline saying I won't go with him to hospital next time but I felt I needed to tell them what pills he was taking because he was just so dozy and I was so worried he might be at risk of an alcoholic coma. I do know he is very depressed and sometimes says he wants to die but won't kill himself - he is eating very very little just a piece of cheese last few days, and orange juice with the vodka.
So, now having pot of tea and cuddling the cats who remain a great comfort. Our doctor says he can't help because AH does not want help and AH also hates counsellors, medics, et al et al. I do know some alcoholics have to hit rock bottom and then will seek help. I just hope the physical damage isn't too great to reverse given his age. So waiting for test results now which given it is weekend will probably be Monday.
Thanks for reading. I shall keep exploring the site and try to learn all I can. alcoholics can recover but given Ah age it is going to be hard and I do know HE has to want to - he insists I make him drink but I do know intellectually I don't but emotionally it is hard to disengage. I keep remember he was drinking heavily in 1990 when if he had said 'jump; I would have said 'how high'.
Thinking of everyone going through something similar! my godmother thinks that a good woman can save AH but only he can save him. I have ran out of ideas and emotional stength.My male Grand Champion Vanquish (now you know where I get the name and we have 16 Wegies and 2 rescue moggies) is sitting next to me - won't leave my side. No way could I leave my cats - they are my and even AH family.
AH was very ill yesterday afternoon, very confused and forgetful - thought reaction to heart pills. I got my friend to come round - she is a nurse. Duty doctor sent us to the emergency drop in at the hospital. We were in the waiting room when he keeled over and fell on the floor. I stayed for 6 hours whilst they were doing tests and they want to keep him in for a day or two. He has had a head scan due to the bump on his head but no results yet. They are also doing blood tests including lipids which I think is liver related. Just waiting now but he did phone me at midnight when I had got home, and said he was now in an assessment ward and had been sick so I am worried about a potential heart attack but he is in the right place!.
I did tell the doctor about the amount he drinks because AH started shaking and nurse wanted to know if he was diabetic.
I do feel that the amount he drinks will affect any heart pill he takes!
Maybe, just maybe, this will scare him enought to cut down - he can't just stop because that would be dangerous. I do hope if we can get someone from AA out, they won't hold back and will tell him what a horrible death dying from alcohol abuse can be!
If he will listen, my challenge will be to find things wants to do, if he cuts down or gives the alcohol. He used to be a good photographer and loved doing cat photos but now he doesn't seem to be able to make his camera work and often says the photos have disappeared! I do feel the alcohol has affected his brain, given the number of years he has been drinking heavily. I tried to get him to AA as long ago as 1997. He isn't social and feels his IQ means he is so far about people intellectually - especially me!!!! We had intended to have a litter of kittens, with our grand champion Queenie and ironically he still seems keen, but right now I just feel too emotionally exhausted to bring new life into the world! I have had 3 litters since 2008 and kep-t them all but they have all been small litters.But if a litter would give him something to live for them I would go for it - I tend to do the day to day care of the cats such as the show prep and cleaning of the litter trays/food bowls. If anything goes wrong though, I do hand rear and feeding 1,5ml formula every 2 hours day and night and coping with AH if he does go downhill isn't a viable option. He did offer to help with my last 2 but the mother Penn was so much mine, I don't think she would have let him and it may be dangerous if he had been drinking - it has to be done a certain way or you can risk fluid getting in the kittens lungs and killing them.
I am at the stage where I am borderline saying I won't go with him to hospital next time but I felt I needed to tell them what pills he was taking because he was just so dozy and I was so worried he might be at risk of an alcoholic coma. I do know he is very depressed and sometimes says he wants to die but won't kill himself - he is eating very very little just a piece of cheese last few days, and orange juice with the vodka.
So, now having pot of tea and cuddling the cats who remain a great comfort. Our doctor says he can't help because AH does not want help and AH also hates counsellors, medics, et al et al. I do know some alcoholics have to hit rock bottom and then will seek help. I just hope the physical damage isn't too great to reverse given his age. So waiting for test results now which given it is weekend will probably be Monday.
Thanks for reading. I shall keep exploring the site and try to learn all I can. alcoholics can recover but given Ah age it is going to be hard and I do know HE has to want to - he insists I make him drink but I do know intellectually I don't but emotionally it is hard to disengage. I keep remember he was drinking heavily in 1990 when if he had said 'jump; I would have said 'how high'.
Thinking of everyone going through something similar! my godmother thinks that a good woman can save AH but only he can save him. I have ran out of ideas and emotional stength.My male Grand Champion Vanquish (now you know where I get the name and we have 16 Wegies and 2 rescue moggies) is sitting next to me - won't leave my side. No way could I leave my cats - they are my and even AH family.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 170
Hi Quish, I'm dealing with an older AH who is in his 60s. In the past couple of years, he has really changed and has blackouts and can't remember things. At night he just passes out after dinner. His cognitive reasoning is very poor and he spends money at a fast pace. My AH won't get help or even see a doctor for basics. He has also become more verbally abusive as he ages. I had to make the decision to leave for my own sanity and I'm putting my plan into motion. I don't see any hope except the situation getting worse. I don't know how long an older alcoholic can continue down this path but I think the question I started asking myself is how long could I continue and that's when I got my answer. I'm glad you found the boards. Everyone here is so supportive and helpful and as you read threads lots of things will make more sense. I'm so sorry about what you are going through.
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