wpainterw

I wish I had known then what I know now. I wish I had known that, in the early stages of recovery, you can’t trust your brain. By that i mean that, due to the effect that long term consumption of alcohol has on the body, the brain clings on to the substance like a baby grasping its bottle. This is particularly true for the more primitive parts of the brain, the so called midbrain. So, in the early stages of recovery a person is a sitting duck for a relapse and the brain may be his or her worst enemy. This may explain all the emphasis on the need for support by a group or, in AA, a sponsor. It certainly explains the need in some cases for a substance free rehab where an alcoholic has no access to his or her “drug of choice”. The moment of truth arises after the rehab when the midbrain may be busily planning a set up to renew the alcohol intake. So the witch message goes out in a whisper, “You’re all recovered now. Just had a little too much to drink. One drink with your friends to celebrate would be O.K...” “See, nothing bad happened with that one drink. You can control it now. Just watch youself from now on....” “A few weeks have gone by and you’re still O.K. This means that you’re ‘cured’! Congratulations!” And it’s back to business as usual and, to coin a phrase, you’re off to the races... once again.
So maybe this explains all the stuff about not trusting yourself, not “intellectualizing”, having some humility and listening to others in recovery, paying attention to a sponsor if you happen to be in AA. Sometimes all that talk seemed to me a bit overdone, like it was some kind of cult where a beginner had to surrender all his or her freedom and maybe it’s true that the “don’t intellectualize” bit is sometimes overstressed, and that some sponsors may get carried away with their power. It shouldn’t be about power or abject submission. At least I believe that it’s better to have the emphasis on being very wary of that dangerous thing inside your head, the midbrain, sometimes referred to as the “Beast”. It’s not my friend and I needed outside help to bring it under control. When you get a puppy it’s best to bring it to puppy school or get a trainer. Suppose that you’ve spent years being jerked around by an addicted puppy lurking in the dark recesses of your brain. I found I needed outside help to get that puppy to behave because for years that puppy had me on a leash, instead of the other way around. Some folks have been able to train that puppy all by themselves. I found i couldn’t do that. And failure can be a very dangerous business indeed! Hope this has been helpful and that I haven't been "barking up the wrong tree!"

W.