RedLantern

That is the day I decided on a new path in life! (BTW-sorry if this is a repost)

I have know for some time that I have a problem with alcohol, I think it started around 7 years ago. But it has gotten so much worse the last 2.

A lot of my family has distanced themselves from me. It used to be easy to blame them, and justify my actions. But in all reality my drinking has been the underlying current. They may or may not know my tirades were because of drinking, but I know.

How many times have I woken up and said to myself, "I can't do this anymore, I am killing myself" only to go out and buy another bottle or two that night.

How many times have I woken up looking and my phone praying to God that I didn't call or receive any phone calls. And if I did-WTF did I say? And I'm sure it wasn't good!

How many times have I come home from work with a bottle to share with my husband (see! I'm not hiding any booze!) only to have extra with me that I can hide and drink in addition to the one downstairs.

How many times have I woken up with bruises and not having any idea how I got them. Once I had a black eye with school the next day. Once I had hit my head so hard I couldn't open my jaw. I saw medical treatment for that one, and of course I said I 'tripped'.

How many times have my kids seen me angry or crying-all because I was drunk. "Oh they didn't know I was drinking", I said to myself. What a fool I am~of course they did. This is what makes me so sad~how scared they must have felt.

My husband. Whole different story and one I would like to share in a more appropriate thread. However, he has know that I drank too much and hid it, but never really said anything. He is not really supportive right now. But, I do know that when we fought I said some cruel and ruthless things. Or didn't know what I said at all! And I am sorry for that.

My answer to how many times is too many. I love being a mom and I have wasted so much time with them because of my addiction. I did sit them down and told them I had a problem. And that I am so sorry that I feel I haven't been a good mom to them lately.

I feel good today. Yes, it's been only 6 days but I feel very optimistic.

I am glad to be here~thank you for listening. Red Lantern

Elisabeth888

Six days is AWESOME!!!!!!

You are doing great!

Grymt

You can do this.

Pondlady

It's such a liberating feel to shed our alcohol dependance and be the best we can be

RedLantern

Thank you all for the words of encouragement!!! (HUGE SMILE!)

Paddler

thanks for sharing. We have very similar stories. I know all too well the keeping a bottle open as an illusion so I could sip on the one downstairs. Or in the garage.

Or the six pack hidden in one of the camping coolers...

Or buying two or three airline bottles or a 1/2 pint of Crown to drink before friends came over to drink "socially"...

On and on. What a joke. We can do it together... hang in there!

InNeedOfGrace

Thank you for sharing, and hang in there. The horrible feeling of being feared by, and alienated from, my own family members is my primary motivation right now.