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New to This -- Need to Vent . . .

Old 04-04-2013, 09:44 PM
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New to This -- Need to Vent . . .

So I joined this forum a few days ago after I decided to stop drinking.

I basically failed and drank the past two days. Now I'm hungover, have tachycardia (not uncommon for my hangovers), and am regretful.

I'm triggered by just about anything -- seeing other people drink, talking about it, loneliness, boredom, etc. I don't know how to handle it a lot of the time. I'm applying for jobs and am planning on starting horseback riding lessons. I really hope it proves to be enough to curb my drinking.

The social anxiety is huge, too. It's so easy to be socially normal when drinking, but I'm so quiet and awkward during outings when I'm sober. I'm pleasant when I drink with others, and people end up liking me because I'm open and talkative. When I don't drink I don't know what to say or do half of the time and people will tend to think I'm stuck up or rude. I'm not sure how to not be so socially awkward . . .

Just venting. This is the first time I've felt very serious about quitting drinking and I'm just having a really hard time with it because of my shyness . . . and I guess general unhappiness. When I'm happy I find I'm more talkative, but that's so rare nowadays. But it's a vicious cycle, because even my psychiatrist and therapist say that the alcohol only worsens depression in those with bipolar disorder (which I have), so the very thing I'm using to aid my social anxiety/depression is CAUSING me to be more depressed and socially anxious when sober.

*sigh*
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Old 04-04-2013, 10:00 PM
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I used to have pretty severe social anxiety disorder. And like you, many people thought I was aloof and arrogant, when in reality, I wasn't quite sure how to act or what to say. At some point I learned a smile and some short, simple conversation can go a long way. It helps to genuinely not care what other people think of you—it took me a few years to get there. I’m not suggesting intentionally alienating people, but a lot of us really take a disapproving word or look to heart and let it change our whole mood and perspective--there's no need to do that; we can never please everyone.
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Old 04-04-2013, 10:02 PM
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I also used to be shy and very socially nervous... I'm not so much any more but deep down I still struggle with it.

It's true though that alcohol worsens depression. It also worsens anxiety, unfortunately. Because your brain is constantly being fed a depressant, it has to overcompensate by firing more energy (excuse my non-scientific language, can't remember how exactly it's described)... so then the next day, without the alcohol, your anxiety will be through the roof. I struggled with that too. It was a terrible cycle! The anxiety made me drink which made me anxious which I could only stop by drinking...

After stopping drinking, the first few times I hung out with groups of people I felt completely anxious and awkward. But now it's been almost two months and I'm finding that I feel much more confident than I did. I just got back from a small group gathering with people I'd never met before and I had a wonderful time. Turns out that when I'm not drinking every night I'm not as awkward as I thought.

If possible, you should give yourself a couple of weeks to be away from social events while you keep drinking. For those of us who are anxious it's just too much of a trigger. stop drinking, get through the initial anxiety, spend time with people you trust and don't feel you need to perform for. Then gradually work up to the big gatherings.
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Old 04-04-2013, 10:08 PM
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For me, by the time I had enough of the drinking, I knew that I had two choices. I could choose not to drink or I could choose to continue to drink. No more excuses or reasons just a choice.

And I choose not to drink today. So far it has worked for 258 days .
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Old 04-04-2013, 10:09 PM
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Ashli, it's good that you found this forum. So many people have gone through what you are, and there's lots of help and tips here. I have found it to be a lifeline. It's so hard in the first weeks of trying to quit.

Just don't beat yourself up about it; just start over, like from right now.

I've noticed that alcohol did make me feel more depressed, and I had a lot of weird anxiety, that went away after I quit, I didn't even know that was related. Good for you for seriously wanting to quit. You're still young, don't let 20 or 30 years go by like I did....
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Old 04-04-2013, 10:50 PM
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Ashli -

I feel like I could have wrote this myself! So please know that you are not alone. I started drinking because of personal problems...but I found that people seemed to "like" me more after a few drinks. They even told me so! I was told by one "friend" that I was "actually fun when [I] drink". That wasn't the first or last time I heard that....Unfortunately, I ran with the idea that alcohol made me FUN (less awkward). Paired with the problems that already existed, it was a recipe for DISASTER!

It has taken me a LONG time to start to love myself. I've figured out that I didn't like myself because I hated that I was "awkward" & socially inept. I tried to fix it with alcohol & you see where that got me

Not long after I started dating my now husband, he told me he didn't like the person I was when I drank....WHAT?!?! I had been told for so long I was more likeable when I drank! But by the Grace of God,he saw the real me!! I have put him through Hell in the last 5 years, but he's still here because he "sees the wonderful woman I am" DESPITE alcohol. I'm learning to believe that.

I don't know what advice to give you, but I will say it is OK (great, actually) to not be what other people (& sometimes your own mind) try to make you be. Sometimes it's okay to be a shy girl doing the things she enjoys
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Old 04-04-2013, 11:27 PM
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Hi Ashli.

Yes, I was the same. Really felt awkward and anxious around groups of people. I thought alcohol was a magical cure for that. And it worked a treat for a while...but we all know how that story ends.

I had to distance myself from places where alcohol was served for several months and I kept away from other drinkers.

I just concentrated on keeping myself sober. I lived on SR, I went to AA meetings. I was just quiet.

There will come a time to re-engage with the social scene if that's what you want to do. But I learned to accept I will always be happier in the company of a few trusted friends rather than a large group, and that's ok with me x
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Old 04-05-2013, 12:22 AM
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Get back up and try it again. Make this your last time to feel this way.
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Old 04-14-2013, 06:59 PM
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Thanks so much for the responses, everyone. <3 I'm still struggling, but I'm not giving up.
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Old 04-14-2013, 08:41 PM
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You nailed it!! Don't give up, check out all the different recovery options out there many are free.. Go to some of these meeting.. You can do this!! Pulling for you!!
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