Peeling the onion!
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Peeling the onion!
I have been working on this and just wanted to share in case anyone finds it helpful as well.
When a situation or a past event come to mind that is hurtful...my first emotion has bern anger or was. So I peel the onion to find all the emotions under the anger. Hurt, betrayed, devalued, sad, disappointed, shame, etc, etc. I sit and try to identify all the feelings. Sometimes I write them down. I am often amazed how many other feelings have been ignored or even repressed.
I just feel each of them. Then I ask God to take them or I just give them to Him. I can not begin to describe the feeling of peace and freedom from this exercise.
Just wanted to share. Please feel free to add any other suggestions or experiences. Thank you!
When a situation or a past event come to mind that is hurtful...my first emotion has bern anger or was. So I peel the onion to find all the emotions under the anger. Hurt, betrayed, devalued, sad, disappointed, shame, etc, etc. I sit and try to identify all the feelings. Sometimes I write them down. I am often amazed how many other feelings have been ignored or even repressed.
I just feel each of them. Then I ask God to take them or I just give them to Him. I can not begin to describe the feeling of peace and freedom from this exercise.
Just wanted to share. Please feel free to add any other suggestions or experiences. Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Heck LMN for the longest time I couldn't identify ANYTHING. I was one big blob of unidentifiable emotions. Learning how to identify the emotion, put a name to it, sit with it, understand it, and let it go was a process for me. Thanks for sharing your process.....
gentle hugs
ke
gentle hugs
ke
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
My therapist was pretty surprised at how easily I could identify my feelings....when I tried to. Sometimes she gives people a list of "feeling words" to help them out. My first feeling was always anger though for a while. I never tried to find out what was underneath it. I also avoided certain thoughts or memories to keep different emotions buried deep, really not on a conscious level either.
What kept me stuck was the "now what" - what do I do with these feelings? If that makes any sense.
I am curious how other people process through emotions, especially someone who doesn't know or believe in God.
What kept me stuck was the "now what" - what do I do with these feelings? If that makes any sense.
I am curious how other people process through emotions, especially someone who doesn't know or believe in God.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It took me a while to even be willing to look beneath what I called "the pain". It was a scary place to go, but one there I learned about who I was and why I was the way I was. It was only then that I could begin healing.
Even today, when I find myself out of sorts, I will look beneath the pain to try to identify why I am feeling this way. It's rarely hormonal, although that's a good cover when I want to go all codie and bury it, often it is unrelated to what I am doing at the time I feel unsettled.
I HAVE felt unsettled lately, and I know that I need to start walking every day again, and get myself out into nature. I know I need to brush up my recovery plan and practice what I preach.
Today I will make a promise to myself to do just that.
Thanks, LMN, I'm not the only one wearing steel toed bunny slippers around here. I needed that nudge.
Hugs
Even today, when I find myself out of sorts, I will look beneath the pain to try to identify why I am feeling this way. It's rarely hormonal, although that's a good cover when I want to go all codie and bury it, often it is unrelated to what I am doing at the time I feel unsettled.
I HAVE felt unsettled lately, and I know that I need to start walking every day again, and get myself out into nature. I know I need to brush up my recovery plan and practice what I preach.
Today I will make a promise to myself to do just that.
Thanks, LMN, I'm not the only one wearing steel toed bunny slippers around here. I needed that nudge.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
one of the oldest theories about emotions, developed independently by James and Lange back in the 19th century, is that our emotions do not CAUSE our physical response (ie i'm sad therefore I cry) but instead we assign emotions TO those physical reactions.
i'm walking in the woods.
I see a bear.
my heart race increases, mouth gets dry, I start trembling.
I am afraid.
I run.
we could modernize that.
addict calls, says they are "on their way" and will be there in 15 minutes.
we start checking the clock, checking the driveway. pacing.
15 minutes pass. they are late. driveway still empty.
we perceive these cues as a threat. we are physically agitated.
we get mad.
we keep checking the clock, the driveway, the bank account, blowing up the phone, further stimulating our agitated state.
and get madder and madder.
however, if we CHANGE our physical actions and reactions, we will have a different emotional response.
they call, say they are on their way, 15 minutes. (by the way, why is it ALWAYS 15 minutes????).
we say ok, see ya when ya get here.
we make a cup of tea.
we get comfy on the couch.
we watch Downtown Abby.
we paint our toes a pretty new color.
we are calm, peaceful, unphased, because we choose not to perceive the external stimuli as a threat.
babies learn that when the big people squish up their cheeks, mouth gets wider, eyes crinkle, things are pleasant and they are held and played with more. then they learn that if they mimic those facial expressions, the big people just go nuts and they make all these funny coo-ey sounds and they get a LOT of attention. it's a nice FEELING. every baby book has a space for Baby's First Smile.
every time I HEAR the national anthem I get teary eyed (unless it's being screeched by Roseanne). it's a conditioned response. but not EVERY time i'm sad do I cry. if we subscribe to the James-Lange theory, our emotions do not CAUSE us to have a specific set of responses....our physiological responses do. we CAN sit and feel the feelings and not HAVE to DO anything about it. our feelings do not DEMAND we act. and we HAVE the ability to control our emotions thru our behaviors.
-sorry for the psychobabble, just dawdling instead of getting ready for work.
i'm walking in the woods.
I see a bear.
my heart race increases, mouth gets dry, I start trembling.
I am afraid.
I run.
we could modernize that.
addict calls, says they are "on their way" and will be there in 15 minutes.
we start checking the clock, checking the driveway. pacing.
15 minutes pass. they are late. driveway still empty.
we perceive these cues as a threat. we are physically agitated.
we get mad.
we keep checking the clock, the driveway, the bank account, blowing up the phone, further stimulating our agitated state.
and get madder and madder.
however, if we CHANGE our physical actions and reactions, we will have a different emotional response.
they call, say they are on their way, 15 minutes. (by the way, why is it ALWAYS 15 minutes????).
we say ok, see ya when ya get here.
we make a cup of tea.
we get comfy on the couch.
we watch Downtown Abby.
we paint our toes a pretty new color.
we are calm, peaceful, unphased, because we choose not to perceive the external stimuli as a threat.
babies learn that when the big people squish up their cheeks, mouth gets wider, eyes crinkle, things are pleasant and they are held and played with more. then they learn that if they mimic those facial expressions, the big people just go nuts and they make all these funny coo-ey sounds and they get a LOT of attention. it's a nice FEELING. every baby book has a space for Baby's First Smile.
every time I HEAR the national anthem I get teary eyed (unless it's being screeched by Roseanne). it's a conditioned response. but not EVERY time i'm sad do I cry. if we subscribe to the James-Lange theory, our emotions do not CAUSE us to have a specific set of responses....our physiological responses do. we CAN sit and feel the feelings and not HAVE to DO anything about it. our feelings do not DEMAND we act. and we HAVE the ability to control our emotions thru our behaviors.
-sorry for the psychobabble, just dawdling instead of getting ready for work.
IsItAlright
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: rainbow
Posts: 157
The 15 min example is so true.. In my case. I always got mad coz his promise never came true. Then I got so mad. And when he got home, we fight and he said I was crazy and difficult... Of coz its always just my fault
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
one of the oldest theories about emotions, developed independently by James and Lange back in the 19th century, is that our emotions do not CAUSE our physical response (ie i'm sad therefore I cry) but instead we assign emotions TO those physical reactions.
i'm walking in the woods.
I see a bear.
my heart race increases, mouth gets dry, I start trembling.
I am afraid.
I run.
we could modernize that.
addict calls, says they are "on their way" and will be there in 15 minutes.
we start checking the clock, checking the driveway. pacing.
15 minutes pass. they are late. driveway still empty.
we perceive these cues as a threat. we are physically agitated.
we get mad.
we keep checking the clock, the driveway, the bank account, blowing up the phone, further stimulating our agitated state.
and get madder and madder.
however, if we CHANGE our physical actions and reactions, we will have a different emotional response.
they call, say they are on their way, 15 minutes. (by the way, why is it ALWAYS 15 minutes????).
we say ok, see ya when ya get here.
we make a cup of tea.
we get comfy on the couch.
we watch Downtown Abby.
we paint our toes a pretty new color.
we are calm, peaceful, unphased, because we choose not to perceive the external stimuli as a threat.
babies learn that when the big people squish up their cheeks, mouth gets wider, eyes crinkle, things are pleasant and they are held and played with more. then they learn that if they mimic those facial expressions, the big people just go nuts and they make all these funny coo-ey sounds and they get a LOT of attention. it's a nice FEELING. every baby book has a space for Baby's First Smile.
every time I HEAR the national anthem I get teary eyed (unless it's being screeched by Roseanne). it's a conditioned response. but not EVERY time i'm sad do I cry. if we subscribe to the James-Lange theory, our emotions do not CAUSE us to have a specific set of responses....our physiological responses do. we CAN sit and feel the feelings and not HAVE to DO anything about it. our feelings do not DEMAND we act. and we HAVE the ability to control our emotions thru our behaviors.
-sorry for the psychobabble, just dawdling instead of getting ready for work.
i'm walking in the woods.
I see a bear.
my heart race increases, mouth gets dry, I start trembling.
I am afraid.
I run.
we could modernize that.
addict calls, says they are "on their way" and will be there in 15 minutes.
we start checking the clock, checking the driveway. pacing.
15 minutes pass. they are late. driveway still empty.
we perceive these cues as a threat. we are physically agitated.
we get mad.
we keep checking the clock, the driveway, the bank account, blowing up the phone, further stimulating our agitated state.
and get madder and madder.
however, if we CHANGE our physical actions and reactions, we will have a different emotional response.
they call, say they are on their way, 15 minutes. (by the way, why is it ALWAYS 15 minutes????).
we say ok, see ya when ya get here.
we make a cup of tea.
we get comfy on the couch.
we watch Downtown Abby.
we paint our toes a pretty new color.
we are calm, peaceful, unphased, because we choose not to perceive the external stimuli as a threat.
babies learn that when the big people squish up their cheeks, mouth gets wider, eyes crinkle, things are pleasant and they are held and played with more. then they learn that if they mimic those facial expressions, the big people just go nuts and they make all these funny coo-ey sounds and they get a LOT of attention. it's a nice FEELING. every baby book has a space for Baby's First Smile.
every time I HEAR the national anthem I get teary eyed (unless it's being screeched by Roseanne). it's a conditioned response. but not EVERY time i'm sad do I cry. if we subscribe to the James-Lange theory, our emotions do not CAUSE us to have a specific set of responses....our physiological responses do. we CAN sit and feel the feelings and not HAVE to DO anything about it. our feelings do not DEMAND we act. and we HAVE the ability to control our emotions thru our behaviors.
-sorry for the psychobabble, just dawdling instead of getting ready for work.
I hope you don't mind if I print this and tape it to my forehead?
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