cnedad

I find myself praying against my own will at night because I know that when I wake up in the morning all consequences from the previous day are forgotten and my desire for intoxication, renewed.

Subsequently, God answers that prayer and leads me away from temptations, even stifles my pursuit at times. Instead of expressing gratitude, I get angry and acknowledge that I don't like what he's doing. Just give me what I want.

After blatant disregard for a higher power, I find what I want and by the end of the night I'm pleading for God to take my will away from me.

When not sober, I yearn for sobriety. When sober, I want nothing but intoxication. I can't stop it.

least

You can stop it, but you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink tho. How badly do you want to be sober?

wpainterw

You can stop it. You say you believe in God. If you do, that will help you. Because of your dependance on alcohol, part of your brain is trying to get you to continue drinking. You can diminish its influence with the help of counseling, other folks in recovery, and, if you believe, your higher power. Medical help is also a good idea. What I am saying is that you don't have to fight this battle all by yourself. With counseling, help from others (including those on this website), your higher power (which ever you believe in), and medical help you can win through to banish these thoughts from your head. How do I know this? I know it because I was able to do this for 25 years and in doing that I have met countless others who have done the same. You can do this too. It's not easy. No one ever said it was easy. It takes lots of patience, time, and guts but it's worth it and that's putting it mildly. It's really very simple. Do you want to continue being the way you are now or do you want to be happy? Good luck!
P.S. I just saw that Least has put up a post that says, "You can stop it." That's what I say too!

W.

Received

Have you looked into Rational Recovery/AVRT, SMART or Lifering?

I utilized Rational Recovery/AVRT. It really helped me to understand and then identify the addictive voice (AV) from "me", so to speak.

Information about Rational Recovery/AVRT can be googled or you can find more information in the secular forum here at SR. Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

You can also find information about SMART and Lifering by googling or at this link here at SR:http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html.

cnedad

I used to consider myself a rational person but somehow my reason has become infected. Thank you for the resources. Intellectualizing is my worst trait.

2granddaughters

I couldn't stop the insanity until I surrendered to Alcoholics Anonymous.

All the best.

Bob R

Dee74

I gave over 20 years to drinking. I'd give a few days, one week, to sobriety.
I finally figured out what was wrong with that.

You can stop the insanity - but don't expect it to stop on a dime. That's where support comes in

Whether it's AVRT, LifeRing, AA or some other group, or SR, or counselling, or whatever...maybe it's time to call in some reinforcements cnedad?

D