ValJester

Been separated 6 month and Divorced 3.

life is rolling sweetly, for me and for her, she has found sobriety and a new guy, i have done loads of work, have found freedom from the terror, still in therapy and achieving great things.... so why am I still so fragile?

I run a medium bisness with daily pressure and decisions and important business stuff, I revel in it.

...and here's the but...

as soon as something comes along which creates a change or destabilization in my personal life I feel deep and pure anxiety 10 times what would be appropriate.

I have to move house soon (renting) no big deal people do it every day. Yet I can imagine aweful outcomes then can dispell them with reason, then panic returns, with no real justification. I'm paralysed like a rabbit in headlights, walk in the park for 'normals'

I can only think this is the residual damage of years with an out-of-control alcoholic spouse who held us to ransome for years with suicide attempts, infidelity and incessant drink related pain.

I was so shocked at my fragility after feeling I was so together...

Anyone experienced the same?

AnvilheadII

without getting medical about it, it sounds to me like Generalized Anxiety Disorder, aka GAD. now that you are in a safer place, the anxiety pops up unexpectedly. i used to get little attacks like that when driving...fun, not....i had to walk out of a potential job interview once - it was at a damn ICE CREAM SHOP for pete's sake!!!! even today i can sometimes get wrapped a smidge tight around the axle.

i had to learn to have some good self talk dialogue, work on breathing, and being in the moment.

MsPINKAcres

I will soon be seperated from my ex AH for almost 5 yrs -
My life is so blessed and filled with peace, joy, love, laughter, serenity, safety and sanity ~

It is the opposite of what I had when living with my ex ah for those long 16 yrs ~ but recently when visiting family out of state - a distant relative came over unannounced - he was deeply under the influence of alcohol and possibly drugs - his behaviors were that of my ex ah - in an instant - I felt all that fear, panic, nausea, and insecurity all over me ~ I stay in the room as long as I could and then excused myself to bed.

And didn't sleep much that night but prayed for God to please make him go away and not come back for a visit again ~

I think we all fight the damages we endured during the years of living with the active disease - the main thing is that we continue to strive to regain our lives back -

That you come here - you reach out for help and that you don't allow the disease to steal any more of this precious life that you have before you ~

I didn't - the Next Morning - the family member was gone and I refused to allow it to ruin my vacation - I prayed for my HP to help me shake off the negative vibes and restore me to sanity ~

wishing you the strength, courage and wisdom to keep walking your new healthy path

pink hugs

LifeRecovery

Everything hit the fan for me three years ago.

I was divorced two years ago. Lots of growth and moving forward.

Work has been fine the majority of that time since. Actually at times I have used work as an escape and crutch. I am just now starting to thaw out in my personal life, make new friends, try new things, getting back to me.

The personal changes in teh last three years have made me relook at my life, all of it. Though wonderful that I have new skills in place, it is hard when trying to have this growth. It always seemed to be the "little" things that would trip me up.

I have read that it takes 2-5 years to recover from an affair. I am finding that it is a similar journey in terms of time for me to recovery from the disease of addiction.

ValJester

Been reading a bit on PTSD and now that I look back I remember cyranoak talking about it. Never heard of GAD, will check it out. Thx

outonalimb

Hi Valjester...
I have a panic disorder. I tried to deal with the panic and anxiety on my own through prayer, meditation, and yoga. I really thought I could work my way through it because I had worked my way through sooo much over the years in dealing with my exah. When it began to interfere with my daily life and work, I sought help. I'm taking medication and receiving therapy and I feel sssooooo much better. Anxiety, like depression, is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain. I've since learned that it can progress into agoraphobia if not treated.

There is no shame in seeking help. I can't even tell you how things in my life have improved. I haven't had a panic attack in weeks.

Hanna

Living in chaos causes changes in our brain. Our reactions are not really normal immediately. 6 Months isn't that long.

dandylion

I am also reminded of generalized anxiety disorder or something similar to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in response to the trauma of living with the alcoholic. Both of these conditions can be very effectively treated by a therapist and sometimes, medication.

I am not trying to make a diagnosis---just suggesting for you to check out if you choose to.

The trauma of living with alcoholism should not be underestimated.

Do you think it is likely that personal life stresses remind you of the ways you might have felt with the alcoholic---thus, serving as a trigger for you? The body's normal "fight or flight" physiological responses are "remembered" by the brain.

Just food for thought.

sincerely, dandylion

ValJester

Thanks, should add that I take 50mg of Zoloft daily for the last 9 months and that has been awesome.

Yes I think the trigger maybe an upcoming holiday I'm taking (previously I used to travel on business and XAW would go crazy and the kids and mere distraught) moving house? (Moved out twice During marriage resulting in horrific acts by XAW)

GAD sounded like a fit too. Maybe prone then exaggerated by the stress off the addiction .