carter91

I've been a weekend(ish) drinker and street drug user for the last 15 years. As I've always been able to maintain somewhat of a life and would view everyone around me doing the same I thought this was okay. That people just liked to party and I was one of them. Most of my friends have started families and that priority changed their habits for the better. With no immediate intentions of starting a family I feel that there is no trigger for me to stop......and I want to. After skipping class Tuesday afternoon to drink on a patio with a friend and ended up sorting coke until 3am in a dive apartment with a stranger I'm so pissed off that 15 years later I am making the same ****** decisions. I miss school, I miss work and lie to cover my tracks. I feel depressed and anxious and hate that person until about 4 days later when the dust settles and I think, I'm okay. I can have a few drinks with everybody else. And then it's just a matter of time before the inevitable happens. I've felt judged at meetings because I'm younger ( not really anymore but was in my 20s when I first went) and still had some sort of a life and maintained some responsibilities. I guess I know that I need help to get over this but not sure where I fit in.

Ghostlight

I can relate. I went to a party and didn't leave for thirty years.
That fourth day was always a killer for me, too. Felt better, looked better and 'Hey, I can drink!' And I did. Over and over.

I joined here over five and a half years ago and have been sober for twenty six months. Took me awhile.
What works for me, is thinking through that first drink and where it'll lead.

Save yourself the misery I went through and quit now, whatever it takes- AA- or another support group.
It's hard to quit on your own, but it can be done.

Whichever path you choose, I wish you the best.

escapist

I started drinking and smoking pot when I was 15 years old. I have been sober on and off for years. I am 52 now. I got sober here. I have not had a drink since October. I gained absolutely nothing from partying at any age in my life. I just wasted time being wasted. The sooner you deal with your problem the better off you will be

carter91

Ghostlight,

Thank-you for the insight. The more I connect and talk with people the more I feel like its possible and the more aware I am of the voice saying "just one or two wont hurt" and the more harmful I realize listening to it is. Day by day, hour bu hour the answers get a bit clearer.

ScoutBall

Hey Carter--
I'm you to a tee. I was a regular weekender, that (according to me) was the life of the party. I loved to party. Then--the parties slowed down my friends got wiser, more responsible, wives, husbands, kids...mortgages.
So, I had to find new people to party with.
Relationships with good friends went to the wayside as I had such a great time with my new "friends".
On and on and on.
Can't tell you how many times this cycle has happened.
I recently received an email from an old friend. I used to play baseball, trucks, and legos with his four year old boy. He was a super cute kid, and he thought I was the cat's a#% because I was just a big kid at heart. He called me his best friend once. He also called me "Uncle".
I haven't seen him, played with him or talked to him in years. The email was to tell me that that four year old boy is going to graduate from high school this Spring.
I blew a chance to be a good influence on a kid. I drifted away from his dad because I was pretty busy being drunk. That's pretty messed up to me.
I hope you're doing ok today--and know that there are people all over this site that are just like you, and are also hoping to get better, so we don't miss out on important things.
Best.
ScoutBall

least

Just admitting there is a problem is the first step toward solving it. The best way to start is just to start. Just refuse to drink today. Tomorrow, when it's today again, do it all over. One foot in front of the other you'll be on the way to a better life.

carter91

I definitely feel like I missing out on things and things that seemed okay even three years ago just don't cut it. When I'm partying I'm the oldest one there and I see it taking a toll on my health and my dreams. Things that I want to accomplish and a person I hoped to become just become second to partying. And yet for the longest time I just thought that going out and having a good time was normal. I've always been independant and resourceful which has brought me shame because I'm still making these awful choices but its allowed me to continue without too serious of consequence. But I can see that the stakes are higher now and I'm ready to do something different-namely get some outside help. I've never known a life without drinking/using so its a little scary to know what happens next.

Dee74

welcome Carter91

I was the worlds oldest teenager too - I was late 30s ferpetessake.
Pretty lonely feeling.

I've done more in the 6 years since I got sober than I did in the 20 years before that tho - it's never too late to turn things around and to be a productive and happy person

It all starts with putting down the drink

D