Doing what's right
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: CA
Posts: 54
Doing what's right
It's been eleven days, no contact. I'm hitting the bump where my mind wanders to the love and love making. I'm hitting the bump where I'm remembering the good, and I want to talk to "sober" him. I'm hitting that bump where I want to unblock his number and e-mails and see if he reaches out. I'm at the point where I listen to a message he left for me on my phone, just to here his voice. I'm checking for a letter, for unknown numbers, for him to show up at my door. Crazy.....
But I don't unblock anything or call, because I remind myself of him passing out in front of me, not knowing I was even there. I remember his rambling on about all the women he loved and how his ex wife was better than all of us because she knew how to push his buttons. I remember that he has to climb the ladder on his own, that he and his problems are too much for me. I remember that I am miserable with an alcoholic and that in time I will be healed and be healthy enough to invite love into my life.
Just having a hard time tonight. Tomorrow will be better.
But I don't unblock anything or call, because I remind myself of him passing out in front of me, not knowing I was even there. I remember his rambling on about all the women he loved and how his ex wife was better than all of us because she knew how to push his buttons. I remember that he has to climb the ladder on his own, that he and his problems are too much for me. I remember that I am miserable with an alcoholic and that in time I will be healed and be healthy enough to invite love into my life.
Just having a hard time tonight. Tomorrow will be better.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 166
Goodstitch,
12 days is awesome! It is so hard to get through though those first few weeks. You need to congratulate yourself for redirecting your mind. I found that remembering the few positives only made it worse. I tried to focus on the things i didn't like. On the disrespect. The smell of alcohol and tobacco. The fights and the constant blaming. I find it hard to acknowledge I am worth so much better. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
12 days is awesome! It is so hard to get through though those first few weeks. You need to congratulate yourself for redirecting your mind. I found that remembering the few positives only made it worse. I tried to focus on the things i didn't like. On the disrespect. The smell of alcohol and tobacco. The fights and the constant blaming. I find it hard to acknowledge I am worth so much better. I have to keep reminding myself of that.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
Posts: 700
Stick to it. You are doing great! This will pass. I must say I am a little jealous though that you have nice memories of the love making. Im my case a bottle of windsor a day didn't exactly give him the necessary tools to partake in those kinds of activities. 
I too focus on the negatives, when I left he was tanked stumbling around ,and he had his homeless alcoholic buddy passed out snoring on the couch we had picked out together when he got his new place, for his "freash start". It kinda disgusted me. It did though leave a memory ingrained in my head that i can't forget, and any good time we had was never good enough to replace how miserable he made me. Keep on keepin' on and you will see in time how amazing life will be. I am.
I too focus on the negatives, when I left he was tanked stumbling around ,and he had his homeless alcoholic buddy passed out snoring on the couch we had picked out together when he got his new place, for his "freash start". It kinda disgusted me. It did though leave a memory ingrained in my head that i can't forget, and any good time we had was never good enough to replace how miserable he made me. Keep on keepin' on and you will see in time how amazing life will be. I am.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: CA
Posts: 54
Thanks all for the support! It was so great to read about your experiences and know that I'm not alone in going through this experience. Your responses helped me get through the week! Not easy!
Especially now. My contract is not going to be renewed for next year so I've got some added stress. And of course I want to talk to my XAB. I want him to be there for me, but I'm simply going to have to be there for myself.
I believe that all of the "endings" that I've been experiencing are going to lead me to something better and I hope that everyone at SR gets to that better place, too
Big hugs to everyone and thanks again!
GS
Especially now. My contract is not going to be renewed for next year so I've got some added stress. And of course I want to talk to my XAB. I want him to be there for me, but I'm simply going to have to be there for myself.
I believe that all of the "endings" that I've been experiencing are going to lead me to something better and I hope that everyone at SR gets to that better place, too
Big hugs to everyone and thanks again!
GS
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Northern California
Posts: 106
Thanks for posting....it feels better to know Im not alone when I start thinking those ridiculous thoughts. Funny how our heart can take over and romanticize thinks when our head knows good and well there was way more to the story...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: CA
Posts: 54
Yes, my3sonsnme. My mind goes to all the beautiful places and I start hoping it can be different. Thank God I have memories of the ugliness to keep me in line, as much as possible. I at least know I won't be making any phone calls to him any time soon.
Have a great Sunday!
GS
Have a great Sunday!
GS
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 566
GS,
I literally made a list of all of the things I would NOT miss about my exA. I made the list very detailed, every event I could think of. I made a deal with myself that I could call my exA if I had the urge, but not until I had read that list in it's entirety. If I still wanted to call after reading the WHOLE list, then I could.
The list was a page and half, single-spaced, after 10 months in the relationship. I carried it in my back pocket or purse for months. And I never got past about the 6th item on the list and still wanted to place that call.
I had to keep things "right-sized"--otherwise I'd remember the "fantasy" without the "reality." It really helped!
Good for you for sticking to your no-contact. It's not easy, but it is SO worth it.
Hugs,
posie
I literally made a list of all of the things I would NOT miss about my exA. I made the list very detailed, every event I could think of. I made a deal with myself that I could call my exA if I had the urge, but not until I had read that list in it's entirety. If I still wanted to call after reading the WHOLE list, then I could.
The list was a page and half, single-spaced, after 10 months in the relationship. I carried it in my back pocket or purse for months. And I never got past about the 6th item on the list and still wanted to place that call.
I had to keep things "right-sized"--otherwise I'd remember the "fantasy" without the "reality." It really helped!
Good for you for sticking to your no-contact. It's not easy, but it is SO worth it.
Hugs,
posie
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: CA
Posts: 54
Posie,
That is a fabulous idea! I think I'm going to make that list today, because I need to make sure I keep the negatives in the forefront, not in the background. I believe this NC is going to be the best thing for me. It's giving me the space and time to focus just on me and not the drama that came with my XAB.
Congratulations to you, also, for taking care of yourself and moving on with your life. Most admirable!
Hugs to you, too.
GS
That is a fabulous idea! I think I'm going to make that list today, because I need to make sure I keep the negatives in the forefront, not in the background. I believe this NC is going to be the best thing for me. It's giving me the space and time to focus just on me and not the drama that came with my XAB.
Congratulations to you, also, for taking care of yourself and moving on with your life. Most admirable!
Hugs to you, too.
GS
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