makenew

Se here I am... at the bottom and the first real day of being sober... When I say that I mean this time I TRUELY want to be done with drinking... I plan to go to AA as soon as possible and my friend who is now 6 months sober has put me in contact with one of his friends who is 5 years sober... We spoke and I told him about all the really bad things I did while I was drunk... I can only explain it to be that I was possessed by a dark spirit that made me forget everything about who I was and made doing crazy things seem to be okay in that moment. I ruined my marriage and my wife's trust and love with the things I did while drunk and the sober me would never do that. But now it's time to take responsibility for my actions and work on getting my life back...

It's funny because I was able to quit drugs after a while of being sick of using them but with alcohol I couldn't quite quit when I needed to and allowed it to make me feel that I had it under control. I always thought I did.. but somehow, someway, it would find a way to take control of my soul. I'm hurt and broken but not dead yet... I could only hope that by curing myself I can somehow keep my marriage... Not sure if that is going to happen but I have to start with making myself better. I just wish I would have really sen my problem much much earlier.

Vastreaction

I have ruined a few relationships, I thought they just fell apart. Looking back and being honest with myself, I know that alcohol led me to act the way i did, and actively destroy the companionship I had.

I am working on my current relationship, and working on getting off alcohol. I know you can do it man. Welcome to SR, good community here, TONS of knowledgeable folks with different ideas/approaches, I'm sure someone will find something that you are comfortable working with.

Wish you the best of luck with your sobriety, and your marriage.

Delilah1

Welcome!

I am working on getting sober time under my belt again, it definitely takes work and I find some days are more difficult than others.

I am sure that the majority of us on SR have made choices we would have never made sober, probably about 99.9%. I am trying to focus on making good choices each day. I can't change what I have done in the past, and I am a worrier so trying to remain focused in the present is my goal.

It is great that you have a friend to support you and share what has helped them. Good luck with your meeting, let us know how it goes!!

Dee74

welcome to SR makenew - you've made a great decision

D

makenew

Thank you to all of you for giving me your support.. it definitely brings a tear to my eyes as the way I've been feeling has been like I am the worst person in the world.. I'm a worry wort to Delilah so my actions while drinking just make me just worry myself into a week of stress and then it just drags on...

Yeah thank God my friend went through much more with recovering from drugs and alcohol and now he has come back to help me with my illness. I just really wish I would have done this earlier so I didn't ruin everything... but better late then never.

I'll definitely let you guys know how it goes tomorrow.. never been to AA before and always thought that people could stop drinking or taking drugs by them selves. Now that it is me it's pretty humbling and scary. I guess it's the realization that 'I' have a problem... Thanks you guys again... you don't know how much it means for you guys to comment and support...

ScoutBall

Hey make.
Welcome. I hope you find as much support and guidance as I have.
I'm just starting my journey into sobriety as well. I've found nothing short of amazing here, as so many people are ready, willing, and able to help--and just lend an ear, or a kind suggestion to dealing with things.
Cool thing though: You didn't "ruin everything". You're here, and that's important.
Be kind to yourself when you start this process. It's a pain in the a$$ physically, so try to give your mind a break, and let your body heal up a little.
Thanks for sharing--and best.

least

You've come to a very supportive site.

sugarbear1

Lots of meetings to choose from:

The Los Angeles Central Office Meeting Directory

I wish you well on your sober journey!

Nonsensical

Welcome makenew. You're in the right place to learn how to beat your addiction. Have a successful journey!

Lionhearted1

Hi makenew and welcome. glad you are doing something about your problem and dont be to hard on yourself my friend what ever you did believe me its been done before and will be done again,there is nothing new under the sun.

what you need to worry about is when you start excepting your actions whilst drunk because you have continued to do things that you promised you would not.

goodluck

KeyHeart

Alcohol WILL NOT HELP ANYTHING. EVER. Not for us, at least. Please continue to stay on SR, this site is AMAZING. I'm new here myself, with 13 days sober under my belt and it's wonderful. Good luck!
Read a lot, that's my only advice. If it has to do with staying sober, read it. There are myriad programs to choose from, when you find the one that "clicks," RUN WITH IT!

2granddaughters

All the best in your new life in AA.

AA not only got me sober and keeps me sober but subjecting myself to AA's Steps and Principles is slowly changing me into a new, better person.

Looking forward to watching you grow.

Bob R

makenew

Hey everyone. I just want to thank all of you for all the supporting comments and care! I'm just crying as I read these. Thank you. Words cannot express what kind of dark hole I put myself in and turned my once bright soul into something that resembles dirt and filth. And to have so many people comment just helped me know that I can thru this with other that understand. I was looking for something like this online and thing carried me this way. I'm so thankful to be a part of this.

Now its day 2 of my very serious passion to stop being a possessed moron while drunk. Feeling shaky, feeling nervous, scared, depressed, and a loser for everything I've done in the past 15-16 years of drinking. All the hurt, all the blackouts, all the opportunities lost, and all the tears from my wife and now feeling like I should've dome this much earlier. All the pain caused because I choose drinking over my family. All of this hit me like plane that fell out of the sky and right onto my head. WOW is all I can say when I look back. Do I use that as motivation to make sure I don't drink again? Not when I'll feel better about myself, but I do know that this first step is the right one. But a very scary one indeed. Thank youy guys for making it less scary.

Paddler

My wife has had her share of tears over me and my actions. I've been blessed to learn she is forgiving, also, and I've seen her tears of joy in my efforts and desire for recovery.

I'm just starting and can already see the rewards far outweigh the benefits of the bottle.

I don't think you can just sweep the past under the rug. You have to deal with some things to move on... but you can get through the detox. Both the physical and mental aspects... with time.

Hang in there. Don't make the same mistake I did... start quitting only to try to hold on. In 4 months of trying that nothing changed. Nothing... let go and move on. Best of luck.

For me... day 7 proved to be my "I'm over the detox... ready to eat and drink coffee... can see the light... day. The best thing you can do for your wife right now is stay the course.

FamilyMan2153

My wife and I cried many tears when I was drinking and after I got sober. I remember the things I did and they help me to stay sober but I live my life for today. I realized the best thing I could do for my marriage was start a new sober life. Talk to her when I had issues. She ended up going to Al Anon which helped her understand my addiction and helped her get over some of the hurt. You can't make any promises, I think she has heard plenty of them but you can live today. Remember that you have to do this for yourself. Doing it for someone else will get you sober but nor keep you sober. Hang in there. It does get so much better.

makenew

Hey Paddler. Yes that is the plan.. To stay on the course and to first work on getting my life back. Hopefully she will see that THIS time I'm serious about quitting for real. I've done a lot of bad things to her and it will probably take a lifetime to make up for it but that is all I have to work with. I really want it this time but know there are going to be very tough times. Like what I'm going through right now with all of this guilt and depression. I know that everything will have to work out in the end but just trying to take it day by day.

Thank you so much for your help and support! Much appreciated.