ViG516

So I heard from my addict bf whom I haven't had much contact with in the last month. Right away he asked me if I was going to pay some of the bills for him lol really? I haven't seen you nor talked to you much and that's what you ask. Then he tells me he is mad that my family questioned his sobriety because they were worried since he was acting weird. He was asking people for money and nodding off. Then he told me that he doesn't need people to bring him down because he is clean and feeling great. The last time I saw him I told him I need to be involved in his recovery if it was going to work. I suggested I go to meetings, meet his sponsor, and we could even do counseling together. He was just so angry and said no! I then asked about hanging out the next day and he said no. So then today he asked what my deal was. I said do you forget what you said to me and of course he comes back with " what about what you did" lol ummmm what exactly did I do!? Once again it ALWAYS goes back to " what about me"

He then tells me he loves me and wants to "fix" this. Well if he needs me and wants me back he sure has a **** poor way of fighting for it. In the last month I have stepped back and tried to look at the whole situation. Sadly it doesn't seem like I am missing much because the last year was pretty crappy. We didn't do anything fun and most of the time I just sat there and watched him sleep, nod off, or " have a bad day" which was probably him being dope sick. Those "good" days were rare. If someone really wanted to fix a relationship and fight to get me back then I think he would at least try to make an effort. He can't even return a text or phone call most of the time. So sadly I felt like all I heard was BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!!!!


I just feel like these are all head games. At first I thought to myself I can play these games right back, but do I want to stoop to that level??

sherby

No You don't want to stoop to his level.... That's what he wants you to do sweetie.
Move On And Focus On Your Happiness and What You Expect From A New Relationship and by already stepping back from your "Ex" You know that's not what you want.
Trust Me I have been where your at and with addicts it is all about their wants and their needs... Hugs and Just remember You deserve better.

BeavsDad

Wrong. That is trying to control someone else's situation.

His recovery will work if he truly is ready.

You need to be involved in your recovery.

atalose

He doesn’t want to fix a relationship just like he doesn’t want to stop using….he only called to see if he can get you to pay his bills.

shinebright7

Have you checked out any al anon meetings neat you? They can give you some great support and tools to fall back on when you're going through things like this.

Like beavesdad said -- we need to leave them and their recovery alone and focus on us and our recovery from our own sickness as a result of being around the disease of addiction.

It can feel like a difficult shift to make, but after about two months in al anon with almost daily meetings, I can tell you it's helped me A TON.

ViG516

Thank you for all the replies


I have been reading co dependent no more and I am going to be starting individual therapy soon. I have gone to a few meetings, but to be honest I feel like I get more from this forum. Most of the people at the meetings were parents and I felt like sometimes I could not relate to them as I do to some people on this site. If that makes sense. Since I have been reading the books as well as on here AND stepping back I have realized a lot of stuff. I was just as sick as he was ESP becoming obsessed with trying to look for drugs, questioning what took him so long to go somewhere, and if he didn't answer his phone I was worried where he was or what he was doing. I wasn't able to sleep at night because I would stay up to make sure he was ok or what he was doing. I was very sick.

So today he sends a group message saying that today marks his 6 month clean and how he couldn't do it without his family by his side. I didn't know what to think of that message......

Jodie77

I feel like I'm reading my life story over and over again through everyone's posts. My ax also used to say "can't someone have a bad day?!" We never did anything together anymore except I'd watch him nod off on the couch every night after work. Everything you wrote is exactly what I've gone through. Sending you big hugs because I'm too raw in this process to offer any sound advice.