raja12

I can't do this anymore. Tryin so hard. Weakness. I caved in again. So sad. Filled with sadness and lost hope. I did my program, just can't seem 2 hold on. I'm a failure. So much 2 say, but the bottom line is that I really don't think I can do this.
Even after all it has brought me. Head banging........busted teeth and lip. Possible head injury. Loss of worth of self and loving myself, 1st. My life..............

Old habits die hard for some of us. Even when u know its true

Hurting here and scared.

Been doing all I can do 2 stay well. Let's not go in2 2 much detail here, as I did in the past. Got some great support, but some wernt so good! Just don't tell me what u want me 2 hear, just tell me how u got and stayed sober, yes? Thanks

Dee74

You can read my story in Stories of Recovery forum Raja - and others too (mines on page two by now I think)

I don't think this is beyond you at all - it's not beyond anyone in my opinion.

I do think you need to accept that you need to make major changes, and some hard decisions, in your life tho. It's tough I know.

I hope you'll not give up and decide to stick around - it seemed to me like you were getting somewhere. Don't let one stumble knock you down for good

D

Hevyn

Hi raja. I'm sorry you're feeling so defeated - but I think that's part of getting sober in the beginning. I felt that way many times so you aren't alone. Please don't consider yourself weak or a failure - you're still trying, still reaching out. You haven't given up, so you have not failed.

I got sober because it was either that or die - literally. I had damaged myself badly, and lost everything that mattered. I wasn't ready to let go of the idea that life should be fun, exciting, filled with hope and joy. I was tired of feeling miserable and desperate. I clung to the idea of a brighter day and a good, healthy life still in front of me. That's what got me through, but I had many days like you're having today. You can still do this, raja. Please give yourself another chance.

raja12

Thanks Dee . I know you are right on this. I'm going to keep on trying. Thanks for all your support. This site has been truly helpful 2 me.

DesperadoBlond

Hi Raja12!

I can identify 100% with the feelings you are having over quitting drinking.

First of all, THE SOLUTION: for me it was and is AA. I was so desperate to quit drinking alcohol and ruining my life with it, that I was REALLY open to trying anything to save myself. I thought I was going to die and large parts of my life were already ruined

I started going to one meeting a day and I was still drinking - that's OK! AA is quite full of wonderful people, who have been exactly where you are now and who have felt just as bad and ready to give up. Be honest and just blurt it out to people in AA: I need help quitting, could you give me any advice/hook me up? I had so many people who handed me their phone numbers in those first days. They all said: call me ANYTIME if you are feeling like picking up a drink. If you are going to pick up, do me a favor and just call me before.

And so I suddenly had a force in my life that was bigger than my desire to drink. All these people who were ready to talk to me no matter what situation or feelings I were facing. And that was the support I needed.

It's been almost 5 months now and I have good days and bad days. Emotional rollercoaster days. And it's ok, because on those days I call several people and I tell them what is going on and they give me their ideas on what I am going thru.

Please try attending AA if you really want to quit drinking. Just put yourself on auto pilot and go.

Last thing I want to say is that my compulsion/desire to stop drinking vanished (I am not kidding!) after 5-6 days of attending AA meetings. I have heard most people have their compulsion to drink "lifted" away in a similar way in AA... it's magic.

Find out where and when there is a meeting in your area and just go! Today! After almost firve months sober my life is just a gazillion times better. You can do this!

least

I often felt as you do. Wanted to give up and just drink myself to death, I was so sick of myself I felt it was the only option, but it wasn't. I made changes in my life and my attitude and it helped me stay sober. Give yourself another try. You can do this!

Anna

Raja, you must not give up. This disease of alcoholism is relentless and it will take everything from you, including your life, if you don't stop it. I was going to lose my life if I didn't stop drinking. I stopped, accepted that alcohol was no longer a choice, and got through the hardest week of my life.

And, there's no doubt that you CAN do it. Figure out what went wrong and move on. You don't have to make the same mistake again. We're here for you.

raja12

Thanks Hevyn. For all your kind words, and understanding of my issues. I really appreciate your support. Can I pm u? I need 2 talk..........

Hevyn

Sure.

raja12

Thanks everyone! I still have some hope now. I will keep on trying. Its going 2 be hard. But given Gods grace, I will make it and try again. Thanks so much 4 evry1.

IWillWin

Raja - I totally get it and I've been there. It took more strength than I thought I had and a whole lot of support to finally decide enough was enough.

Tomorrow is 7 months for me and although I'm no long term expert I can say with complete certainty that it does get better. I swore that even if I slipped I wouldn't give up. Ever. We just have to keep fighting for our lives. You are worth it and we are all here to help you win!!!

Stay strong, refocus, be kind to yourself and let's do this!

Odelle

Raja12, it is hard, I agree, but we have to be strong enough to get through the bad part of withdrawals before we can see and feel the benefits of sobriety. Sometimes we have to fall a few times before we develop the determination to finish. You can do this!

Pondlady

raja, I'm glad to hear you still have hope I got sober because I was tired of feeling disappointed in myself. Coming here is a big part of how I stay sober.

Toss

How I stay sober, one day at a time. Once I got far enough away from the physical symptoms of daily drinking, I started working on the mental and emotional. You have to find a path to walk, find a support group, start a new daily routine, stay on SR and keep your mind here, do anything to get away from the poison.

I drank to numb my self worth issues, depression and anxiety. It's a daily struggle, everyone's different so there are no easy answers.

I've wasted to much of my life, I'm determined to do something with the remainder of it. I'm off to a slow start, but it's at my own pace.

Time to pick yourself up and get going, you can do it.

Toss

MyFitz

Raja,

I'm only A few days from 6 weeks since my last binge. I am sober for selfish reasons and am becoming more and more selfish the more sober I become. As I allow my body mind and soul heal, at its own pace, my anxieties are lessening and my thoughts clearer and calmer. I am enamoured with th Is transformation and is what's keeping me.focused on my recovery.

I hope you can embrace the hard times in pursuit of better times.

MyFitz

soberlicious

I used something similar to what is described in AVRT. I put drinking behind me for good with that method, then I did a crap-ton of other things after that to make improvements in my life. Buddhist philosophies helped me come to a different understanding of what happiness is.

2granddaughters

I went to AA and committed to it in 1989. AA is making me an old man

All the best.

Bob R

KeyHeart

Please don't give up!

MyFitz

raja,

Get a big ice water and try and get some rest. Hydrate and rest. We all need you to try. Whatever the outcome, it is what it is. We are here for you. We are all trying with you.

MyFitz

Delilah1

Hi Raja,

I am back again as well, we can do this!! Now I am off to bed, otherwise the alarm will be way too painful in the morning!