Mum admitted to hospital :(
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 6
Mum admitted to hospital :(
Not sure if I'm in the right bit - I'm new to this.
My mum has been alcoholic for the past 4 years or so. We were a normal loving family until this happened and did everything we could to try and make her stop. I wish I would have known 4 years ago that my efforts would have been entirely wasted as the truth is, there really is nothing you can do if they don't acknowledge the problem themselves. This was a harsh reality that took a long time to accept and has taken over my life considerably. Things got really bad recently and I knew it was only a matter of time before something terrible would happen, I just didn't realise it would be so soon...
My mum was admitted to hospital a few days ago vomiting a considerable amount of blood. The damage she has done to her liver caused varices veins which are potentially life threatening and she could have bled to death. She was very ill and I never wish to see my mum in that state again. It was heartbreaking.
The consultant came today and said she must never drink alcohol again. The part that specifically keeps going over in my mind is that there is only a 20% chance she'll survive the next 5 years if she does have another drink. I still can't tell if this has properly sunk into her or even if she accepts how difficult this is going to be. The very strained relationship she has with my dad is not helping either. My sister and I are being as loving and supportive as we can possibly be even though she doesn't seem to appreciate it..
What are her chances of her really staying sober? I feel like I'm going crazy with worry and about to burnout from mental exhaustion. People don't understand what it's like to have an alcoholic in the family and no matter what you say they will never understand the real effects on family members unless you go through it. I'm 26 and getting married next year, I dont want to lose my mum at such a young age and its difficult to accept its out of my control. Any similar experiences/words of wisdom would be much appreciated. Thanks
My mum has been alcoholic for the past 4 years or so. We were a normal loving family until this happened and did everything we could to try and make her stop. I wish I would have known 4 years ago that my efforts would have been entirely wasted as the truth is, there really is nothing you can do if they don't acknowledge the problem themselves. This was a harsh reality that took a long time to accept and has taken over my life considerably. Things got really bad recently and I knew it was only a matter of time before something terrible would happen, I just didn't realise it would be so soon...
My mum was admitted to hospital a few days ago vomiting a considerable amount of blood. The damage she has done to her liver caused varices veins which are potentially life threatening and she could have bled to death. She was very ill and I never wish to see my mum in that state again. It was heartbreaking.
The consultant came today and said she must never drink alcohol again. The part that specifically keeps going over in my mind is that there is only a 20% chance she'll survive the next 5 years if she does have another drink. I still can't tell if this has properly sunk into her or even if she accepts how difficult this is going to be. The very strained relationship she has with my dad is not helping either. My sister and I are being as loving and supportive as we can possibly be even though she doesn't seem to appreciate it..
What are her chances of her really staying sober? I feel like I'm going crazy with worry and about to burnout from mental exhaustion. People don't understand what it's like to have an alcoholic in the family and no matter what you say they will never understand the real effects on family members unless you go through it. I'm 26 and getting married next year, I dont want to lose my mum at such a young age and its difficult to accept its out of my control. Any similar experiences/words of wisdom would be much appreciated. Thanks
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Kayley)) - Welcome to SR, though so sorry for what has brought you here.
Her ability to stay sober depends on her, and I pray this is the wake-up call she needs to choose recovery.
I hope you read around on other threads, here. Though not all the exact same situation, many here have walked similar paths and we are here to walk through this with you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Her ability to stay sober depends on her, and I pray this is the wake-up call she needs to choose recovery.
I hope you read around on other threads, here. Though not all the exact same situation, many here have walked similar paths and we are here to walk through this with you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, Kayley, and welcome.
I'm sorry about your mum. Liver disease is very frightening. My second husband was hospitalized for it, and it was touch-and-go for a week or two. It turned out he had EARLY cirrhosis, but he went back to drinking, and I am surprised he is still alive--but he is, and that was fifteen years ago.
It's really all up to her--that's a very frustrating truth. The best thing you can do for YOURSELF is to get to some Al-Anon meetings.
Hugs,
I'm sorry about your mum. Liver disease is very frightening. My second husband was hospitalized for it, and it was touch-and-go for a week or two. It turned out he had EARLY cirrhosis, but he went back to drinking, and I am surprised he is still alive--but he is, and that was fifteen years ago.
It's really all up to her--that's a very frustrating truth. The best thing you can do for YOURSELF is to get to some Al-Anon meetings.
Hugs,
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 6
Thanks everyone. I went to al-anon once about 4 months ago when I was in a bad way with it. I found it very comforting and it helped me accept that it was basically out of my control. I knew something like this would have to happen to make her realise but it hasn't quite had the effect I had hoped for. I can see it in her eyes that she still thinks she can just stop drinking whenever she wants and isn't really a 'true' alcoholic. My mum and dad were on the brink of divorce before this happened and the bad feelings are well and truly still there. I don't think he loves her anymore (which is understandable) but also worrying as I don't know if he is 100% committed to her recovery. I wish they would just separate to be honest. The doctor said there is considerable damage to the liver and they'll only be able to tell over the next few months if correct functionality will return so she's not out of the woods yet. I couldn't believe it when she said 'well i'm still having a glass of champagne to toast you at your wedding'. How could she even be thinking this when she's just nearly died!? I've had to spend my entire easter break seeing my mum in considerable pain due to all the blood she swallowed and thats all she could think about!! I know that no one really has the answers it's just comforting to read the other threads. The worst thing about alcoholism is how shameful it seems to be and society tells us that we shouldn't really discuss it. You always feel like people are judging... I would have never known how destructive alcohol could be to what once was a lovely family. It's very sad :'(
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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My sister and I have sworn that we will never have anything to do with my mum if she chooses to drink again after what we have all been through this weekend. I feel this is a reasonably fair statement after what I have seen happen to her physically. I do not wish to see my mum slowly and painfully kill herself. I thought she was going to die on her first night in hospital and I couldn't get that awful picture of her out of my head. That isn't what I want the everlasting memory of my mum to be. I probably shouldn't threaten her but I wanted that to be clear from the outset. I don't know what the right or wrong thing to do is anymore. I'll probably try al-anon again as you suggest to get some extra through this.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 85
Kayley I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. i'm fairly new to this forum but there is a lot of information and support here. Try to take it slowly and be good to yourself. Apart from anything else you've had a shock and a lot of things to take on in a short space of time. it took a while for things to get to this point don't feel you have to solve it all today or tomorrow. Be kind to yourself, mind yourself and find the support you need. Al anon is a great place to get support and there are others who have been where you are now hopefully they can share their experience with you. I am thinking of you and your mum and your family.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,437
Kayley I too am so sorry this is happening. It's so hard. You sound like you have a pretty good grasp on the situation though. We are mad at them for doing this to themselves and giving us a crap life. Finding support is crucial, it's too hard to go it alone with this problem. We just aren't made for that.
Be there for her if you can but be kind to yourself.
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it.
But you can take care of yourself and educate yourself about this fraternity you have been thrust into, Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Be there for her if you can but be kind to yourself.
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it.
But you can take care of yourself and educate yourself about this fraternity you have been thrust into, Adult Children of Alcoholics.
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