exah pled guilty
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exah pled guilty
Exah pled guilty to aggravated stalking yesterday.
I won't have to testify again...and I'm grateful and relieved about that.
I wonder if he did it because he knows he is guilty and he knows he put our son and I through hell over the past year or did he just do it to move things along?
Who knows.
I guess it doesn't really matter.
Now I have to think and pray about what I want to say in my victim impact statement for sentencing. I've decided that I won't appear at sentencing in person. I'm just going to write a letter and have the prosecutor present it to the judge.
Exah is facing much more serious charges in another county. Any sentence exah gets in my case will be swallowed up by the sentence he gets in the other case. The main thing in my case is that his conviction carries a mandatory period of 5 years probation. I'll have 5 years of help from the court in protecting my son and me from exah's erratic and menacing behavior. I am so grateful. God is good. He is working in my life. And I have to hope that he is working in my exah's life too. Maybe now exah will get the help he needs.
My recovery has taught me not to have any expectations as far as my exah getting better and someday having a relationship with our son. I hope and pray that this will happen but I can't count on it in any way. Whatever will happen will happen. I believe God is in charge here and I'm leaving it all in his care.
I am grateful that my recovery gave me the strength and courage I needed to step forward and press charges. I was frozen in fear for so long. A misplaced sense of shame and my ego kept me from reaching out and asking for help. I suffered needlessly for too long and I allowed my son to suffer needlessly right along side me. I can't change any of that. But I can be proud that I finally did step forward and that I followed through and I am incredibly grateful and overwhelmed at the amount of love and support I have received....including all the wonderful support I received from all of you here at SR.
So...if any of you are suffering from abuse (as that term was defined so wonderfully by English Garden in the sticky above), I hope you'll reach out. I never considered myself to be an abuse victim because exah never harmed me physically. But I'm realizing now that I was emotionally abused. Exah lied and manipulated me for years while professing his love for me. Abuse comes in many forms. But I have learned that there is so much help and support available. We only need to ask for it. That first phone call can be difficult. But it gets easier as you move along in the process.
Hugs and thanks to all of you
Mary
I won't have to testify again...and I'm grateful and relieved about that.
I wonder if he did it because he knows he is guilty and he knows he put our son and I through hell over the past year or did he just do it to move things along?
Who knows.
I guess it doesn't really matter.
Now I have to think and pray about what I want to say in my victim impact statement for sentencing. I've decided that I won't appear at sentencing in person. I'm just going to write a letter and have the prosecutor present it to the judge.
Exah is facing much more serious charges in another county. Any sentence exah gets in my case will be swallowed up by the sentence he gets in the other case. The main thing in my case is that his conviction carries a mandatory period of 5 years probation. I'll have 5 years of help from the court in protecting my son and me from exah's erratic and menacing behavior. I am so grateful. God is good. He is working in my life. And I have to hope that he is working in my exah's life too. Maybe now exah will get the help he needs.
My recovery has taught me not to have any expectations as far as my exah getting better and someday having a relationship with our son. I hope and pray that this will happen but I can't count on it in any way. Whatever will happen will happen. I believe God is in charge here and I'm leaving it all in his care.
I am grateful that my recovery gave me the strength and courage I needed to step forward and press charges. I was frozen in fear for so long. A misplaced sense of shame and my ego kept me from reaching out and asking for help. I suffered needlessly for too long and I allowed my son to suffer needlessly right along side me. I can't change any of that. But I can be proud that I finally did step forward and that I followed through and I am incredibly grateful and overwhelmed at the amount of love and support I have received....including all the wonderful support I received from all of you here at SR.
So...if any of you are suffering from abuse (as that term was defined so wonderfully by English Garden in the sticky above), I hope you'll reach out. I never considered myself to be an abuse victim because exah never harmed me physically. But I'm realizing now that I was emotionally abused. Exah lied and manipulated me for years while professing his love for me. Abuse comes in many forms. But I have learned that there is so much help and support available. We only need to ask for it. That first phone call can be difficult. But it gets easier as you move along in the process.
Hugs and thanks to all of you
Mary
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 92
Sounds like you have a lot of self-awareness and that you're on the right track. It's funny what we have to deal with sometimes to get to this awareness in our lives.
Good for you for refusing to be a victim.
I hope you and your son have lots of support.
Good for you for refusing to be a victim.
I hope you and your son have lots of support.
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((((((JenEss))))))) Thank you. I know what you meant and it does feel good to step out from underneath his tyranny ....and it was tyranny....I was always looking over my shoulder....fearful of when he might show up at my house....I actually have a panic disorder now but I'm receiving treatment for it. I just didn't realize what a huge emotional and physical toll it was taking on me.
About the whole statement thing...I just don't know how I want to deal with it. On one hand, I feel like I"ve been thru enough. Is my appearance really necessary? Would it really make much of a difference? I'm thinking no...but I'm just not sure.
About the whole statement thing...I just don't know how I want to deal with it. On one hand, I feel like I"ve been thru enough. Is my appearance really necessary? Would it really make much of a difference? I'm thinking no...but I'm just not sure.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 92
You probably have PTSD from all of that.
If you really don't have it in you to read the statement, then don't go. Don't put yourself through unnecessary stress. The prosecutor can say he/she is reading it on your behalf. It may have more of an impact if you were the one reading it, but if you're not sure, just keep praying about it. God will give you the answers!
How old is your boy?
If you really don't have it in you to read the statement, then don't go. Don't put yourself through unnecessary stress. The prosecutor can say he/she is reading it on your behalf. It may have more of an impact if you were the one reading it, but if you're not sure, just keep praying about it. God will give you the answers!
How old is your boy?
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Thansk JenEss. I am going to continue to pray about it.
Our son is 14. He's been involved in al ateen for 2 years now and that has helped tremendously. I just wanted him to have a dad in his life. This might not happen. But he does have some great uncles although nothing can replace the day-to-day guidance and love of a dad.
Our son is 14. He's been involved in al ateen for 2 years now and that has helped tremendously. I just wanted him to have a dad in his life. This might not happen. But he does have some great uncles although nothing can replace the day-to-day guidance and love of a dad.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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No, it doesn't replace the day to day guidance of a Dad. But until his Dad is healthy enough to give him the guidance he needs, he has his Mom, uncles and Al ateen. That is soooo great that he attends!!
You sound like an amazing mother.
Do you attend Al-Anon?
There is always a greater purpose for everything that happens in our lives. Positives always come from negative situations.
You sound like an amazing mother.
Do you attend Al-Anon?
There is always a greater purpose for everything that happens in our lives. Positives always come from negative situations.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yay, Mary! I had a feeling that's what was going to happen. He knows he is toast on the other charge, and no doubt they will work out a deal on that one, so now you get the benefit of that.
It's really up to you whether to appear at sentencing. I don't believe it will make a bit of difference to the court. One other option would be for you to appear at sentencing but to have your statement read to the court by an advocate or by the prosecutor. That might make it a bit less of an ordeal. Only you can say whether it would make you feel better or worse to attend. Personally, I think you are on a roll with feeling empowered, and should consider at least showing up to show you aren't going to be cowed by this. But it's fine either way.
Hugs--I have no doubt your calm determination during the preliminary hearing helped get the plea.
It's really up to you whether to appear at sentencing. I don't believe it will make a bit of difference to the court. One other option would be for you to appear at sentencing but to have your statement read to the court by an advocate or by the prosecutor. That might make it a bit less of an ordeal. Only you can say whether it would make you feel better or worse to attend. Personally, I think you are on a roll with feeling empowered, and should consider at least showing up to show you aren't going to be cowed by this. But it's fine either way.
Hugs--I have no doubt your calm determination during the preliminary hearing helped get the plea.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 391
Way to go Mary!
Thanks for setting such a great example for those of us facing difficult challenges.
I second Lexie's sentiment. If you go to sentencing, it should be for you. Your statement and his other deeds should be sufficient to show the court how sick and scary he is.
I feel a great sense of relief knowing that you now have back-up in terms of staying safe and protecting yourself from him.
I hope that in addition to that protection for you, the system finds a way to get him some help.
Hugs,
MamaKit
Thanks for setting such a great example for those of us facing difficult challenges.
I second Lexie's sentiment. If you go to sentencing, it should be for you. Your statement and his other deeds should be sufficient to show the court how sick and scary he is.
I feel a great sense of relief knowing that you now have back-up in terms of staying safe and protecting yourself from him.
I hope that in addition to that protection for you, the system finds a way to get him some help.
Hugs,
MamaKit
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