Gollum

I hope everyone managed to have a good Easter weekend, I was dreading mine although it worked out quiet well. Until I noticed the cash withdrawals from the bank that is .... over the weekend my AH has with drawn £200 from our joint account. His salary goes into another account so he really has no need to be using that account.

I have given him every oppertunity to admit what he is doing, I present him with the facts, but still he denies that he is doing concaine.
Of course I dont believe him.. I have known this man since I was 11 years old and no matter what length he goes to cover his tracks, he very rarely suceeds with me.

This relapse is only just beginning but already I am exhausted. I have no sympathy for him this time round, just resentment.

I know that nothing I say makes any difference to him so I very rarely bother. I know that I must look after myself and mostly I do regardless of what he is doing but no matter what i do to protect myself I can't protect myself from feeling miserable at the hands of this evil illness.

My AH is an fool to himself but maybe I am the bigger fool for standing by him when yet again he goes back to where he started.

I just needed to rant as feeling very sad this morning.

Seren

Hi Gollum, Sorry to hear that your husband 'went back out'. I understand that loss of sympathy because I lost it at one point with my stepson during his crack phase.

Is there anyway you can protect the remaining funds in that account? Do you have an account in your name only into which you could move it for a while?

Don't hesitate to vent and rant away here anytime!

Gollum

Hello Hydrogirl, I am glad it is not just me who loses sympathy. I have sympathised in the past but he has been to rehab twice now and each time stayed sober for approx 8 months so this time as far as I am concerned his decision to return to it was an informed one, he understands his illness.

Yes I do have other accounts. I have suggested to him this morning that we move it and should it continue I will do so.

My AH always wanted a house in the country and with his two sober periods we managed to do just that and bought the most beuatiful house which was all he has ever wanted.... We have been there just two months and it has started again. This relapse is crushing dreams, literally. I resent him so much for that, why can't he for once just let us be happy.

I feel very angry with him today, I will struggle to bring myself to talk to him this evening. We might have to live in under the same roof but if he wants to be doing conaine then we will be living seperately under that roof. I will not be doing his washing, food shopping, cooking....

No if cocaine is the most important thing to him then let him have it and nothing more!

AnvilheadII

what is there really to talk about? you know he's using, he knows he's using. trying to hold a rational discussion with addict hellbent on protecting their addiction at all costs is a waste of breath.

joint account or not if he is spending that money on dope, then you are well within your rights to move it out of harms way. and if you do not have boundaries around what actions you will take when he uses, then i suggest you get some right quick.

i know it's sad, i know you just got that house in the country - but that didn't CURE him. being handed "everything he wanted" didn't stop him from picking up again. he is unable to put proper value and worth on the good things in his life. he remains selfish, self centered and self absorbed.

it's time for you to quit looking to him to provide you with a sense of happiness and joy. he's incapable of doing so. which leads to continual disappointment. he keeps doing what he's doing and you keep hoping he will change.

petmagnet

I understand completely. I too have lost all sympathy, empathy...all the pathy's are gone for my AH! I am so sick of the bogus excuses of why he relapsed. They all relapse because they are unwilling to use the tools given to them in rehab to remain sober and keep marriages and families sound by creating an environment of trust-nothing more. If you cannot trust him with a joint account, would it work to go back to independent accounts? one in your own name and one in his?