RyanP

77 days in I have work to do, Easter dinner yesterday at my house, my brothers dog and my dog were fighting outside the back door and I go outside to stop it, I was angry, his dog ran away I grab my dog and go to drag him down the stairs I was to rough he missed most of the stairs and he was hurt, he's old and my bros dog is a puppy he started it not my dog. My brothers girlfriend was outside after she came in and said dexters limping a bit, I was angry about that but kept quiet. My mom heard that and started talking to me about how old he is and I should be more gentle with him and other stuff about him that went on longer than I wanted to listen to it, I was angry about that but kept quiet again. Resentment I felt to my family over a stupid little thing I had to think about to realize it was ALL ME!! None of that had to happen, took me until this morning to make the calls and say I was wrong about that, they had already forgotten about it but it was in my head. Stuff like this stayed in my head for way longer when I was drinking but its still gets in there now sometimes, I'm happy now I can get it out, that's better but I could do without the sudden outburst of anger. It makes me think about my poor wife and son who moved out 3 months ago, I did that kind of stuff all the time outburst, bottle it up, or turn it around on her starting a fight, my son is only 2 and I'm happy they moved out now he doesn't need to see that I was devistated at first but it had to happen its what triggered me to make the right choices, because of that I'm in their lives a lot more than I would have been without the program. I'm realizing I'm not as far along as I thought, I am getting better, I'm still not ready for the whole family to be back together, if that is what my future is, I miss them so much

junk33

Hey Ryan ,Im only at 21 days but ive also quit for as long as 8 months previously and i used to blow up out of the blue as well ,I remember blowing a spaz because one of my dogs wouldnt eat his food ,he was just staring at his bowl and i lost it ,over nothing ..Ive been told its the brain changing and learning to live sober ,some kind of chemical imbalance
nice job on the 77 days , you must be sleeping good by now
I see your Flames are cleaning house,not sure if your sports fan?

RyanP

Very cool ur giving it another go, I wish u best of luck. I am happy I'm seeing the snowball effect of my anger now and actually being able to fix it the right way I'm seeing so many more things I have to fix I gotta get to them all. Seeing the importance of the program, even got a sponsor a couple days ago, I need more help than I thought everybody is here for me they always have been, all I had to do is ask. I sleep way better now, there's something going on in my head its mostly good, still some is a mystery but its coming together. Yes flames r makin some moves, just in time for the penguins after Crosby ate that puck OUCH!! Hopefully get some winning happening!! This city goes nuts when we're in the playoffs! Lots of fun, I've never been through sober but I have no doubt that I will have just as much fun