horriblethisis

Sorry if my question is stupid, but I have to ask it. If someone is working towards recovery from Opiates, but feels they can have a drink or two every once in a while...in my opinion would not constitute living a "sober life". Is that correct? Shouldn't they stay away from alcohol too, even though that wasn't technically their "drug of choice?"

HopefulmomtoD

My 22 RAS says this was a frequent topic of discussion when he was in rehab/sober living. He is an alcoholic- most others there were opiate addicts. Many felt that since they only abused opiates that they would still be able to drink. AA/NA (and it seems like most rehabs follow the 12 step approach) does NOT teach that .... they teach only total abstinence of all substances.

Many go from abusing one substance to another.

LoveMeNow

IMO, I do not believe an addict can do any drug (alcohol is a drug) once in a while. Their compulsive, addictive behaviors and thinking can not control it.

If your husband is going to NA and thinking he can drink once in a while, I would be concerned how serious he is working his program.

mareahh

My boyfriend was addicted to pills and he was told not to use anything mind alternating. He doesn't want alcohol near him.

blackandblue

My AXBF thought he could smoke pot and drink alcohol and stay off of heroin, and now after two years he is right back to his drug of choice- heroin. It is the addictive brain and not just the substance itself that creates the addiction. Without recovery the addict will cycle in and out of active addiction or form a new addiction- be it substances or whatever.

JenEss

I am an addict. It does not matter what mind/mood altering substance I put into my body, I will never be capable of doing it responsibly. For me to remain clean and sober, I have to stay away from all of it.

Reed30

I had the same question in my mind some months ago when I ran into my ExABF. He was snorting/injecting pain meds, did herion, coke behind my back...
so, when ran into him a couple months back (mind you he is in outpatient rehab) he admitted to me he was still drinking. Continues to go to the bar me and him always went to when we dated. But now knows when to leave, he leaves early..he claims. And in the next sentence says that he's not like the others, he's the exception. hmmm ok.

When I heard that he still was drinking, I felt uneasy. realized that he had a lot of work left to do. But again, its not my problem now as he is my Ex for a reason.
I would agree that they should stay away from ALL mind altering substances.

Marshmallow

My husband quit cocaine almost 4 years ago. I didnt know him at that time.
We have been together almost 3 years, and while he has never been a big drinker, doesnt sit around with beer cans, or hard liquor. He has been a casual drinker during this time. I never saw any problems related to it.

But my husband relapsed on cocaine a couple of weeks ago, and spent a week drinking heavily. Much much different situation. I dont think his use of alcohol in moderation had anything to do with his relapse, but I do think it was caused by stress factors adn the fact he hadnt been taking proper care of himself, and being cautious about what was building up in him.

Since coming to this site, I have had a couple people share this video with me. It is an hour long, but I have watched it twice. It contains a lot of information on how drugs affect the brain. Which parts of the brain, how drugs override a persons normal thinking. Also talks about the chemicals that are released in the brain. It talks some about swapping one addiction to another due to the brain craving these chemical releases.

Pleasure Unwoven Full Movie Documentary by Kevin McCauley - YouTube

LoveMeNow

Based on your husbands recent behavior, it sounds like alcohol is a problem for him. Untreated addiction always progresses.

AnvilheadII

well here's my two cents...IF said person COULD have "a drink or two" now and then and STOP repeatedly and consistently after ONE or TWO, then sure hey why not. the problem that many/most addicts have is the lack of a STOP button. thus the saying, one is too many and a thousand never enough.

Marshmallow

Im sorry I wasnt very clear about my husband. He did have treatment for his drug use. Most of it happened before we met. But he has a psychologist that he goes to sometimes. I think part of his problem was he had not seen him in six or seven months, and we have had several very stressful things happen in the last few months. A death of a relative, another close relative was diagnosed with cancer and is not doing well, his business lost one of its larger clients because they went under. I think all this was building up. And if you were to watch that video link, it identifies stress as the primary cause of relapse. It explains how subconsiously when a persons body is under stress, and it affects the bodys balance, the mind remembers what made it most happy, and that was the most powerful stimulus it ever had, drugs. If a person is not in tune with their body and these signs then they are unprepared and more suseptible for a relapse. Its not an excuse for not being prepared, but it helped me understand. I think his use of alcohol increased after the cocaine started, and now I dont know if he will be able to drink again after this. He will have to face that later on I guess.

AnvilheadII

drinking leaves the door open....without a proper program of recovery to learn how to deal with life on life's terms untreated addiction will always roar back to life at the first opportunity. regardless of the stressors that may present themselves, cocaine is never a solution...nor are the stressors a REASON to use, they are an EXCUSE. it is actually rather abhorrent that one would USE the fact that a loved one DIED to get loaded........

NoelleR

"...AA/NA (and it seems like most rehabs follow the 12 step approach) does NOT teach that .... they teach only total abstinence of all substances..."

NA teaches abstinence from all. Even though all the recovered AA's I know abstain from all....AA does NOT teach this; AA has a 'singleness of purpose' --- [alcohol (ONLY), alcoholics, and alcoholism].

(o:
NoelleR

EverHopeful721

Wow, AH, this sentence really hit home with me....my XA was in the bar immediately after the funerals of both of his parents and has been using their passing as an excuse for drinking, drugging and basically for all the rest of his selfish and inconsiderate behavior for nearly 2 1/2 years now. Thank you for posting this.

Marshmallow

If your speaking in reply to my post, please dont make unfounded assumptions. My husband hasn't made any excuses for his behavior. We have not discussed the issue. Did you watch the video I'm referring to? If not then we are not speaking the same language. I'm talking about how stress affects the brain of a drug addict especially in a subconscious way.

Your post just sounds like oh yeah Bob died I choose to get drunk and blame it on Bob dying.

I'm sure there are people like that, and that may be your experience. But my husband has been doing well and had no issues for almost 4 years. He didn't just wake up and choose to relapse one day. It was more insidious, and doesnt reflect on his character.

Sunshine2

Marshmallow, I did watch the video and what they said made a lot of sense. They didn't say it would be an excuse, just a factor to be on the lookout for.

I stopped smoking for probably two years when my brother committed suicide. My first thought was to have a cigarette, obviously the brain's way to try and reduce the stress. I didn't, because I was done with smoking but the desire was great.

I think understanding what happens in the brain during stressful times is very helpful. In stead of reaching for drugs, one can exercise or do something else that will release pleasure hormones.

Thank you for the movie. I have read books that blamed it all on childhood which didn't ring true for me. This movie is very balanced and clear.

shinebright7

THIS.

It is not enough that they don't drink or use. It's the spiritual connection and tools learned to deal with life that help keep the disease arrested (not cured).

Otherwise, the same sick thinking continues to live on. And the "alcoholic mind" will "one day give way before some trivial reason for having a drink." (P. 42 Big Book)

<sigh>

AnvilheadII

If your speaking in reply to my post, please dont make unfounded assumptions. My husband hasn't made any excuses for his behavior. We have not discussed the issue. Did you watch the video I'm referring to? If not then we are not speaking the same language. I'm talking about how stress affects the brain of a drug addict especially in a subconscious way.

Your post just sounds like oh yeah Bob died I choose to get drunk and blame it on Bob dying.

I'm sure there are people like that, and that may be your experience. But my husband has been doing well and had no issues for almost 4 years. He didn't just wake up and choose to relapse one day. It was more insidious, and doesnt reflect on his character.

if i'm not mistaken you aren't even IN the home with your recently booze and coke bingeing husband. you have not been able to HAVE a reasonable conversation with him regarding his relapse. in fact you called in the troops to deal because you have virtually no experience in dealing with active addiction. except now because you watched one video your the expert???

if he's been "clean" for almost four years now then STRESS doesn't really cut it as a reason or excuse. more like lack of commitment to recovery. big case of the f*ckitz. a conscious decision to use again. and yeah that DOES say a lot about his character.......same as it would for me if i picked up again.

Marshmallow

Have you ever heard the Taylor Swift Song, We are Never Ever Getting Back Together?

Well, YOU are NEVER EVER EVER EVER going to change MY opinion on MY HUSBANDS character.

Do you have something against differences in opinion? Do you think your an expert on all addicts because your an addict? Your comments are directed at knowing MY husband, and knowing ALL addicts. I've never claimed to be an expert, Where do you get that from? I was only replying to the person who made the thread. I was talking about MY husband, and trying to explain briefly what I learned from the video I shared. Maybe you ought to check yourself on this one.

I'm not denying some addicts are of poor character. If that is your experience, and what you tell yourself to help you remain clean, if it works for you then great. I'm sure your family wants you to do or believe whatever you need to stay clean and sober.

I think it's silly to make such a generalization. Much like insulting the character of say a "gymnast" who falls during competition. Obviously this is because she is of poor character. Otherwise she would have practiced more, been in better physical shape, had her routines down perfect, knew where all her weak spots were and protected them better, not let anything catch her off balance including emotional obstacles.

Marshmallow

Thank you. I agree with you. The video said nothing about using the medical explanation as an excuse for anything. But it helped me understand better what my husband is going to have to do to get himself back under control. Talking to his psychologist also helped me. He was really very nice, and while he couldnt say a lot about my husband because of confidentiality, he suggested I make an appointment and we could talk more in general about addiction. He spent at least 45 minutes with me on the phone the other day which I was very impressed he would take the time, and said outright he was happy to help me and laughed when I asked about billing me, and said no.

I havent read anything about childhood and addiction, except where general things about troubled childhoods, or being exposed to drugs being a factor. Someone on the alcohol forum gave me some book suggestions. I will look them up, and share them if you would like. I havent looked into them yet. I downloaded a book unrelated to addiction and was reading last night just for enjoyment.