maplin

Hey.

I'm 25 and have been an avid drug user since 13, used drugs every weekend until about 18 months ago when it became daily. Started out with cannabis and mdma, quit the weed at 17 though. After a few years i'd easily eat 15-20 ecstasy pills in a night or multiple grams of mdma crystal. Used with anything else, cocaine, lsd etc... Yeah i was a heavy user but it didn't seem to bother me at the time. I was always extremely anxious and depressed howeved i never linked the two. Obvious now I look back.

But 2 years ago i discovered benzos and ketamine, roughly after mephedrone got banned in the uk. It was incredible, all those worries just melted away. Made new friends, was a perfect little bubble for 6 months. Soon i was consuming large handfulls of benzos daily, basically anything ending in 'pam or 'lam. This is when i began to lose friends, my girlfriend and people started worrying about me.

Still, i pushed if further and began also using stimulants like methamphetamine, mdpv, amphetamine sulphate most days. I'd stay inside, lie to people saying i was ill to go on 5 day runs just smoking crystal alone. Been doing this for the past year or so. Met my old girlfriend and she 'hated the person she saw' though i didn't realise how I'd changed. Began to get extremely paranoid and delusional yet still carried on. The weekend before this after 200mg alprazolam and a gram of crystal i went to work and ****** up severely. I saw myself bumbling about on the CCTV footage and it shocked me how disgusting i looked. There i was, a real drug addict. So decided to stop. Of course, I've thought about stopping before but only lasted a week or two.

Looking back I've become aggressive even towards my closest friends and said some utterly repugnant things to them. I don't know how i could have ever dreamed of such nastiness but it makes me sick to my stomach.

So yeah, stopped a few days ago. Feel like crap. Confided in a few who suspected anyway. Got benzo withdrawal and amphetamine withdrawal to endure now.

What's odd is i went to see some friends in the pub and i became extremely paranoid last night to the point of being aggressive. This only happened when high but was alarming when not. Just the usual, the entire pub was talking about me, stating etc. How long will i likely feel like this? Except that just feel completely exhausted and anxious.

Terrified of what I'm going to do without my drugs, but I'll find something.

Thanks

least

It's a good thing you want to quit drugs now at such a young age. You won't have years of regret when you're older. Check out our substance abuse forum for more insight from others with the same problems as you.

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Dee74

Hi Maplin - Welcome

Although I've no experience with most of the drugs you've mentioned, all that sounds common for withdrawal to me....I'm not sure if you were drinking or not, but that might be a factor too.

If you think your brain and body chemistry might be a little messed up, I think it's worth seeing a Dr - even if just to set you mind at ease

D

maplin

Hey, thanks for the warm welcome. Yeah, 25 is young isn't it? Convinced myself that i was old!

Feel like I've got some sort of flu this morning. I have been to the doctors, i was offered a taper for the benzos which I declined. Simply hate them that much, but if it gets really bad I'm to go back immediately. I was also told it's possible to be prescribed amphetamine, but in the UK I'd have to go to the chemist daily and take it in front of them which sounds pretty humiliating. I don't think it'll be necessary.