anotheranon

Hello,
It's almost been six months that I've been sober and I'm looking for some advice. I'm not sure of the exact question I am asking, perhaps I'm just sharing my frustration and looking for input on how to deal with situations that involve drinking.

I've avoided almost everything that includes alcohol for a long time and have found new sober activities that take up almost all of my free time! :-)

My girlfriend used to be my main drinking buddy, but I feel doesn't respect my problem, but I do not want to impose "no drinking" rules… I don't think that's right. All I've ever asked is 1) that if she's dining at a table with me -- that she doesn't drink in front of me, and 2) that I don't get made to feel like a third wheel (i.e. the only one not drinking/sober). She doesn't follow either.

My girlfriend and I were invited to a small Easter dinner yesterday. My girlfriend's friend knows I am in recovery and she said that there wouldn't be any drinking. I believed this because she has been telling my girlfriend to do more non-drinking activities with me. (My girlfriend is lazy and won't do much with me these days since I'm into doing stuff, not drinking stuff)

I can't believe I was so foolish to believe this! After I hit the bathroom, I come out and the three of them (my girlfriend, friend, and her friend) has a drink.

Ok, I'm figuring it's just one drink (at least I thought my girlfriend would). I know I can't control other people. But after my girlfriend got up because she "needs another shot" and I figured out she'd been taking shots in the kitchen… I got pissed.

I got mad because I'm wasting my time. It's my holiday too and I could have spent it relaxing at the beach or working out. And I'm not fond of the friend, and especially the boyfriend. I'm sitting there cold stone sober with some "jackass, know-it-all" guy, why everyone else gets to down shots to put up with his BS. It's not that I'm jealous that I can't drink, it's just that I feel forced to sit with a smile on my face and be polite while the room reeks of alcohol and everyone else is starting is starting their buzzed babbling… which is only funny to them.

As sad as it is, I told them I had some business calls to make and I just ended up going outside and sat on the curb down the street for a hour.

I feel very left out. I feel like I'm a bitch: I'm the only one not laughing because, well, drunk rambling is not funny… it's annoying. If I bring this up to my girlfriend about how she kinda screwed me over… I feel like a bitch. I kind of just don't want to do anything with my girlfriend that may involve alcohol at this point, including going out to eat. Even though she pays "attention" to me and "includes" me… I don't think she gets that I can see the changes of alcohol on her and I just don't like talking to drunk people, including her… it's becomes stupid baby talk.

I went to this dinner in such a great mood… and I left feeling like complete **** -- someone with a problem, someone that isn't normal, someone that can't have fun, someone that just complains… I still feel that way today.

I know that I shouldn't feel this way because my life has been going great from being sober and I have plenty of fun with my new friends and activities . How do you guys deal with situations like these? Do you just avoid them?

2granddaughters

How have you stayed sober for 6 months?

Sounds like you have some decisions to make.. but they don't sound like hard ones.

All the best.

Bob R

anotheranon

I just made myself too busy to waste time... gym for 1.5 hours daily, work on my side-business, learned to cook good meals from scratch. I think the gym has helped the most because I see the physical transformation.

JCMalta

Well done anotheranon, you are a great fighter; please remember that in recovery self-pity is very dangerous.

Don't want to give lessons I am just on my 4th day again but last year I was sober for 4 years and you know what made drink again? A holiday, everybody was drinking and I fell for 1 glass of wine cause I felt out of the group....the day after that 1 glass became 1 bottle and back to my home country that 1 bottle became 3 bottles.

avocado

dump her. she's obviously selfish.

Nonsensical

Well, let's keep in mind that even the thinnest pancakes have two sides.

Bottom line, though, either you have to learn how to enjoy the company of drinking people, or you'll need new friends who don't drink. Which one is your preference?

anotheranon

I prefer non-drinking and I've been occupying my time with them.

SnwFlower

Welcome to SR and congrats on your almost 6 months of sobriety! It sounds like you have made really positive and healthy changes in your life, however your girlfriend has not. IMO, perhaps it's time to re-think that relationship, like are you getting the respect and support that you need? I've spent a lot of my time alone in my new sobriety (just over 60 days) and I love the control that I have in my life. Being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely. I've also found that there are community "meet-up" groups for just about every interest out there, i.e. sober socializing, outdoor activities etc. that can also fill time in a healthy and happy environment.

Good luck and stay strong!

quitforme79

Sobriety is great but we do have to face challenges like these at times. I went to a small Easter dinner last night but I went with someone who is in AA with me. A couple people there had a glass or two of wine but it didn't bother me because they weren't obnoxious or getting wasted. I also came and left with someone who is sober like me. I am sure there will come times in my life where I will feel like the odd man out around others who are drinking. I am sorry your girlfriend is not being so supportive...maybe time to think about that.

Odelle

I concur! You need to do what is necessary to protect your sobriety and if your current relationship(s) leave you feeling the way you did yesterday and today, I think it is something you need to look at more closely.

Congratulations in achieving six months, no easy task, but so worth the effort!

least

and congrats on six months. Perhaps it's time to reevaluate the relationship with your gf. Doesn't sound like she's the least bit interested in your welfare at all.

Threshold

Sounds to me like you are growing and maturing in sobriety. Figuring out what you want out of life and relationships. Realizing that drunk people aren't much fun to hang out with unless you are drunk too and that your gf isn't into sobriety, not hers, not yours.

The one person you know you will be with for the rest of your life is yourself. You've made a great investment in yourself and your life by getting and staying sober. Don't give that up...because all it will get you is nowhere, and resentful and drunk and based on what you said the relationship with your gf isn't worth dying for.

Use your new perspective to take the next step that is in your best interest.

anotheranon

Thanks for all the input. It makes me feel a lot better.

I have been reevaluating my relationship a lot lately. I just assumed this was how it was when one partner stops drinking, but I see I should be more selfish for myself and she needs to show some more respect.

I feel kinda betrayed a bit because the only reason I went is because my girlfriend said it wouldn't be about drinking... otherwise, she knows I wouldn't have wanted to go.

Nonsensical

Perhaps she liked you more when you were a drunk.

Opivotal

Sounds like you did all the compromising anotheranon. I think you handled yourself in a respectful manner. I wish your GF would have shown you the same respect.

Maybe its time to share you feelings and come to an understanding about future outings.
I would've felt betrayed too!

Congratulations on 6 months!!!

Anna

I agree that your girlfriend is not treating you with respect. You have worked hard on your recovery and made a lot of positive changes in your life. It sounds like your girlfriend is not ready to deal with those changes.

FeenixxRising

Congrats on 6 months. Sounds to me like you need a new girlfriend or no girlfriend for awhile. I'm not making a value judgment, but you're moving in a different direction, and she isn't willing to give up her idea of enjoyment and fun.

I'd say you have some decision to make and it comes down to putting your sobriety first. She may promise not to repeat the behavior you've described, but odds are good she will just keep drinking in front of you no matter what she promises.

deeker

I would. You learned and it probably had to happen for you to learn. It's over, there will be other holidays and when you get stronger you will be ok and will actually feel kind of sorry for them that they have to have a drink to enjoy themselves. For me early on in recovery I avoid all such events. My family really supports me and they don't even drink at Holidays anymore.I am pretty blessed. No need to carry the anger anymore, it is over. Live and learn.

RDBplus3

There is another perspective to all of this. It is called the Abstinence Commitment Effect. You WON! You stayed sober. If you had gotten pulled over for a ticket that evening..No DUI. You stayed strong, now you are Sober and you can deal with your feelings RATIONALLY, not as a drunk!

soberlicious

You're not the problem. Sounds like the booze it pretty important to her and soon you will become bored of that. How long have you been together?

What? Boring gatherings with obnoxious people who think they are interesting but they aren't? Uh, yeah, I usually avoid those.