desp1

My wife’s doctor gave her a scrip for Campral. Has anyone had any experience with this type of alcoholism therapy? Is it like methadone for heroin addicts or just another anti-depressant? I looked at the reviews and they didn't really explain what it actually did. (Very expensive Sugar Pill?)

redatlanta

No its not a placebo. It has been shown to help restore chemical balance in the brain after long term alcoholism - it helps the brain work normally again. It helps to reduce the emotional and physical distress that occurs when an alcoholic quits drinking. I guess I would say its like Chantix is to a smoker - it gets rid of the desire.

Please keep in mind there is no pill that cures alcoholism. This sounds like an excellent therapy to aid in getting sober but your wife still needs to go through a program like AA in order to maintain long term sobriety. This is not a drug that has been approved to take for longer than a year. If she does not seek treatment when she stops the drug she will be as susceptible to relapse as she was before she got on it.

desp1

Thank you redatlanta, I am trying my best to deal with this situation and support her when she appears to be trying. I went through my own experience with alcohol and decided to terminate my relationship with it on 7-15-2007 and haven’t looked back.

I have been going through the “I’m quitting tomorrow” stage of this nightmare for over five years and it’s wearing me down. The “for better or worse” part of my marriage vows continue to seem insufficient when dealing with her love relationship with Vodka. I have allowed it to damage my feelings about her character, honesty and our relationship. I understand it’s a disease and she has no control over it but I can’t seem to stop it from chipping away my ability to take her seriously.

I am tired of the manipulative, evasive dishonesty and am now allowing myself to actually feel insulted at her lame attempts at deception. I realized it was not a lifestyle I could control in 2007. Is she really so far into denial that she honestly believes nobody notices her slurred speech, wobbly walking, peculiar reactions and meaningless babble?

We only have one chance at life. Why take our limited mental abilities and diminish them even further with alcohol or drugs?

redatlanta

Well Desp1, alcohol IS a disease of denial. What your wife is and has done is what they all do - hang on to the belief that they have control over the alcohol. Rationalizing use. Blame shifting problems, and yes make endless promises to quit. The first step in recovery is accepting that one is powerless over alcohol.

While it is a disease and it controls her rather than the other way around - she can make a choice to stop and that is where the "its a disease" is not longer an excuse. Can you imagine being diagnosed with a disease and then refusing the treatment that would keep that disease in remission? No you cannot.

What it takes for an A to get to the point that they are ready is so varied. The "bottom" is different for everyone as is the process. You can't apply your own ability to stop and the happiness it has brought you and apply it to someone else. You stopped - why can't she?

I suspect part of the issue is codependency and enabling. You almost always find this with A's they need it in order to survive. How many times have you cleaned up her mess, made excuses, tried to help her, tried to manage her alcohol consumption, made threats about what will happen if she doesn't stop drinking, been embarrassed by her behavior, spent nights sleepless checking on her to make sure she is ok?

We can't make an A stop drinking, what we can do is help ourselves which may help them by stopping ALL codependent and enabling behaviors.

Have you been to Al Anon? I suggest you go. It will help you in ways you never thought possible. It will give you the tools to deal with this disease and make decisions that are in the best interest for YOU.

Sorry you are going through this. Please stick around the forum - there are many fantastic people on here that are happy to answer your questions and help....and just listen.

Crazed

desp1- First off, I envy you for your sobriety, and hope you keep it up!

I can totally relate to a significant other's love affair with Vodka, as well the depths of denial. My EXAG is currently sitting in jail for her 4th DUI, which she got on Sunday. I still think she is denying that her disease has caused this, and she can smile, charm and manipulate her way out of this. Although she may not yet be aware of her consequences, I believe this ended her 15-yr career with her employer (as a VP), and her two teenagers moved out of her apartment yesterday to live permanently with their dad. She will probably have der license revoked for life, and is looking at jail time.

I pray that this is her bottom.

desp1

Does the phrase "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" apply to older alcoholics?

After reading everything I can, until I'm unable to retain anymore information I've concluded that the "habit" of drinking in older adults is almost impossible to change.

A drink in their hand is a comfort they don't want to give up. They have become set in their ways and simply feel normal with alcohol in their system. To them, life is short and they don't want to change. “I’ve been drinking all these years and I’m still ticking” is a difficult debate to win with an older adult that blames all their ailments on age.
The bottom is loss of memory, dementia and the end of life and they don't see your kindness, caring and love. The bottle took away reality a long time ago.

I want to be "aware" for the rest of my life. If I loose my ability to think clearly it certainly won't be caused by paying for the CEO of Grey Goose vodkas' new set of golf clubs.

redatlanta

I have not read about the possibility of recovery in older alcoholics. I think its good that you are reading as much as you can and its always best to have no expectations.

HOWEVER, I don't think its correct to believe everything you read as WORD. I don't know that age has anything to do with the desire to get sober. All Alcoholics no matter what age come up with justifications as to why they drink or continue to. These excuses may range from what you said to "I have never had a DUI, I still work, I am physically fine" blah blah blah. There are so many "reasons" why they don't have to get sober it would take all day to write them. Your description They have become set in their ways and simply feel normal with alcohol in their system. is applicable to ALL alcoholics. I would be more likely to say the length of time of being an alcoholic has more to do with it than the age of the alcoholic.

In my case my husband's relapse did NOT fit what I had read statistically. I had read that when a relapse occurred that the dive in was fast and furious, and that within a short period to expect them to be where they ended before but WORSE. My A had been one for 20 some years before he got sober. At the end a black out drunk often waking up in cities not knowing where he was or how he got there. He misplaced a car that was never found. He often woke up bloody and had obviously been in a fight but no recollection. Nevermind that he did almost died in a 30 day coma in ICU due to his alcoholism - he was 38.

His relapse was an emotional hell for me but overall not a bad one and certainly not anything like what he was before, not even close.

Maybe your wife won't embrace recovery. Maybe she will. I don't see that she is any different than any other alcoholic just because she is older. Perhaps someone with more knowledge can share their experience.

desp1

I believe it becomes an issue that alcoholics are similar but everyone is an individual. I'm over thinking this situation because I'm able to and sober. I feel responsible for my wife and society believes that it is the husbands’ responsibility to be compassionate and handle his wife’s problems. I can’t and won’t try to reason, plead or beg her to stop anymore.

I’ve devoted way to much of my time trying to fix her disease. I have absolutely no control over what she does. I can only live my life and let her live hers. I’m done.

Thanks

skwgtb

I am very happy your wife is seeking sobriety. The one thing that makes me leary about Campral is how easily people can self-medicate with it. What some, but certainly not all A's, on Campral do is just stop taking the med and drink then just go back on it. They can easily come and go as they please. This is why taking a pill like Campral is pointless unless the A is truly dedicated to sobriety and follows a program such as AA.

desp1

I am feeling hopeless and angry again. I’ve spent two more hours of my life reading the advertisements online for rehab centers.

The puzzling part, causing most of my concern is that 4 of her doctors and our local hospital knows she drinks like a fish. When I realized she was unable to quit I asked them what I could do.

My loved one is dying from alcohol and doctors can’t offer a treatment and refuse to even recognize alcoholism as a problem? They simply say I need to get her to quit.

Get her to quit? How? Dead silence, intense stare, “nothing” no suggestions. Well doc do you know somewhere I might take her to get care? “Nothing”. Do you know of a Detox or Rehab? “Nothing” Do you have any advice? “Nothing” The doctor that put her on Campral simply stated that their significant other was an alcoholic!

Alcohol creates an entirely different person. The sane reasonable, compassionate person you married disappears and a selfish, irrational, mean, tired looking copy takes their place. Alcohol is a personality replacing, soul removing walking dead creator.

If you leave and they die, can you ever forgive yourself? Didn’t you know what they were doing? What excuse can you use to deny your participation? An alcoholic is under the control of an addiction that is stronger than they are. Is it the alcoholics fault that they can’t quit?

Why can’t they be put on a drug that will reduce their inability to function? Why do alcoholics have to replace alcohol with spiritual enlightenment instead of something that allows them to function in a less destructive euphoria?

Who is paying the drug companies and restricting the doctors to not use a cure? Is it the medical community or almost everyone from the legal system on up that makes millions off this misery?

CeciliaV

desp1, I can understand your pain & frustration. When it comes down to it, there is no "cure" for alcoholism. Yes, there are medications that can help, but all the literature I can find is that they should be used as a part of a comprehensive recovery program...and then there is much variation on what that the rest of that recovery program should be. Just like a depressed person needs therapy & doesn't just get cured when put on anti-depressants, A's can't simply be given a pill or shot to cure them either. They need to work on other areas to aide in the support that the medication gives them. Whether the rest of that program is AA, behavioral therapy, Rational Recovery, Smart Recovery, etc. doesn't matter - there just needs to be something other than just the meds.

I'm sorry that your doc isn't more helpful. From what I'm seeing & hearing, a lot of doctors aren't equipped to handle addiction. Many are trained to offer medications for diseases/illnesses and stop there. It sounds like your doc falls into this camp and even though the doc has a loved one who is an A, it sounds like your doc may be struggling with the same things that all of us are. My recommendation would be to find another doctor if you can. Find one that can give you a referral to help for yourself - someone who is experienced in treatment of loved ones of addicts. Someone who can help you figure out your path. You can't make your wife seek recovery, but you can find peace and recovery for yourself. I'm by no means saying to leave her entirely to her own devices and let her die - I also have a bit of an issue with the "let them find their bottom even if the bottom is death" approach (or maybe I'm just not desperate enough yet, I don't know). My husband's rehab center talks to family members about "raising the bottom" for our A's, but they also state that "every bottom has a trap door." We do the best we can to set our boundaries and encourage them to get help, but when it comes down to it, wish as we might, we can't make them.

AnvilheadII

Why can’t they be put on a drug that will reduce their inability to function?

well who is going to be in CHARGE of making sure they take it, on time and as directed? many alcoholics are put on Antabuse, which is designed to make them VERY sick if they drink, and they either drink anyway OR stop taking it.

NOTHING will work unless the addict is willing. unless we lock them up somewhere. it's tragic really, but not all can be saved. some will drink themselves to death. or just drink a really really long time. there is NO cure.

LexieCat

Trust me, if anyone ever came up with a drug that would CURE alcoholism, or even provide significant relief from its effects, the drug companies would be ALLL over it. They would stand to make billions.

Don't knock spiritual enlightenment. My own spiritual recovery has enabled me to have a happy and satisfying life sober. One heck of a lot better than some drug that tamps down some of the misery.

Nobody is hiding any great secret cure. The best treatment I know of is AA, but the alcoholic has to be desperate enough to change everything about their lives.

desp1

Thanks Lexiecat,

I'm "desperate enough to change everything about my life to improve myself."

But my AW has determined, as an educated scholar that random is her concept of a higher power. Discordianism? Nothing I’ve tried, when working toward my goals in life or to advance my situation has had anything to do with chaos. I analyzed the situation, researched the possibilities and constructed a strategy to achieve my goals. I’ve prayed to God for guidance when I wasn’t completely sure my ideas were sound.

My AW used to be a Sunday school teacher, has four degrees and can’t conceive an alternative path that will be more productive?

My AW believes AA didn’t help her in the past but she was never given a chance. An unscrupulous experienced member decided to pull the 13th step on her before she could get anything out of it. He would lead the meetings and quote the big book while romancing away any possibility of AA ever assisting in the sobriety of my AW.

soberlicious

It is not necessary to use a spiritual approach when ending an addiction. Some people (even very religious or spiritual folks) choose a secular approach to quitting. If in fact your wife is interesting in ending her addiction to alcohol, she might be interested in reading about AVRT.

Hanna

Just want to say that I remember facing the realization that the medical community, the legal community and the government were not going to be of any help. They don't have a real way of helping someone that doesn't want help, nor is this their job. But what an overwhelming moment for me.

It was on us to figure something out. My brother the addict, my 70+ year old parents, my other addict brother. Me. No one else was going to be of help. I prayed, because I was out of ideas. Help came, at the right time. We lived in chaos and crisis for a while, but things changed.

My brother was a raging atheist and not so interested in getting help anyway. Open to the idea of help at times but had tried to find faith and could not. Our primary hope was spiritual based programs, AA. I didn't care what he believed, just wanted him well at any cost and knew AA would require a change in mindset. It felt impossible.

Today he is clean through NA and a community based long term program from which he graduated. 19 months sober. Has a HIgher Power who he calls God. Happy, hopeful, positive and still learning.

Things will not always be as they are today. That is the hope that I can offer you.