Ex-AH seems suicidal, worried for my kids
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
Ex-AH seems suicidal, worried for my kids
Good morning. I am new here, not new to addiction and recovery. As I was awake all night last night, I've been busy reading many of the helpful threads on this forum.
A little over 2 years ago my alcoholic husband and I separated and I got my peace and sanity back. Our divorce was finalized earlier this year. He bought a house about 30 minutes away, seemed happy although of course that has to be looked at through the lens of his on/off (mostly on) drinking. Most importantly, I have been really happy. It is so great not to live with him.
Our kids are adolescents who have their own issues, especially my oldest daughter, relative to the lack of an involved and caring father in their lives for many years now. For at least a decade, drinking has been his #1 priority.
Through all of this he has been able to hold onto his excellent, high-paying job that he's had for about 10 years. He used to be able to separate his nights drinking from his days working. But it will surprise no one here to learn that eventually (last week) he was fired due to drinking on the job.
That job was his lifeline and he really needed the money (as do I, for child support and his share of college expenses). So this hurts every one of us. Yet apparently he may hurt us still further, as last night, clearly drunk, he left several messages indicating he may be considering suicide.
I don't want to be dragged back into his orbit, but I am scared to death that he may kill himself. I don't see how our kids would be able to get over that. Especially my daughter, who is in therapy, loves him fierecely, but has cut him off. Thanks for listening.
A little over 2 years ago my alcoholic husband and I separated and I got my peace and sanity back. Our divorce was finalized earlier this year. He bought a house about 30 minutes away, seemed happy although of course that has to be looked at through the lens of his on/off (mostly on) drinking. Most importantly, I have been really happy. It is so great not to live with him.
Our kids are adolescents who have their own issues, especially my oldest daughter, relative to the lack of an involved and caring father in their lives for many years now. For at least a decade, drinking has been his #1 priority.
Through all of this he has been able to hold onto his excellent, high-paying job that he's had for about 10 years. He used to be able to separate his nights drinking from his days working. But it will surprise no one here to learn that eventually (last week) he was fired due to drinking on the job.
That job was his lifeline and he really needed the money (as do I, for child support and his share of college expenses). So this hurts every one of us. Yet apparently he may hurt us still further, as last night, clearly drunk, he left several messages indicating he may be considering suicide.
I don't want to be dragged back into his orbit, but I am scared to death that he may kill himself. I don't see how our kids would be able to get over that. Especially my daughter, who is in therapy, loves him fierecely, but has cut him off. Thanks for listening.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Please report any suicide threats to the authorities. Let the professionals determine if he is serious and let the professionals provide him with resources.
I don't know how to determine the severity of someone's drunken statement ending their life. I would feel better reporting a suicide threat to the police and letting them assess the situation. If he is drunk, they can get him medical treatment.
If these are idle threats to drag you back into his drama, calling the authorities will send the message that you do not want to be manipulated and that you take life seriously.
Sending support as you find your way through this latest development.
I don't know how to determine the severity of someone's drunken statement ending their life. I would feel better reporting a suicide threat to the police and letting them assess the situation. If he is drunk, they can get him medical treatment.
If these are idle threats to drag you back into his drama, calling the authorities will send the message that you do not want to be manipulated and that you take life seriously.
Sending support as you find your way through this latest development.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
I know when my mom utters the word suicide, I go straight to mental health n 302 her. She has a record of being suicidal. In dealing with her, I have learned that when she cries suicide, she's looking for someone to help. My sister never uttered the word but a year ago on the 25th of March, she killed herself.
Helping him through this by giving him an outlet through psychiatric care wouldn't be a bad idea. Have him committed n let them do their job in finding out what he needs.
Helping him through this by giving him an outlet through psychiatric care wouldn't be a bad idea. Have him committed n let them do their job in finding out what he needs.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I agree with Pelican--your getting involved would not help the situation. You cannot save him if he is determined to harm himself, and you can't make him get sober. He can be taken to the crisis unit, which may help if he was serious, or will discourage him from making manipulative threats if that is what he was doing.
While there is a risk that he WILL harm himself, there is also the possibility that this may be a bottom that will lead him to sobriety. I know many people who contemplated suicide, and the shock that dying seemed preferable to going on motivated them to get sober. I hope that's the case with him, but you can't control it.
Hugs,
While there is a risk that he WILL harm himself, there is also the possibility that this may be a bottom that will lead him to sobriety. I know many people who contemplated suicide, and the shock that dying seemed preferable to going on motivated them to get sober. I hope that's the case with him, but you can't control it.
Hugs,
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
Ok thank you. Let me say, he hasn't said, 'I'm thinking of killing myself.' It's more subtle than that. Just an expression of hopelessness and what's the use type of thing that I've never heard from him before in knowing him more than 20 years.
When you say report to the authorities, specifically do you mean a 911 call if he says he is thinking of suicide? Thanks again.
BoxinRotz, I'm sorry about your sister.
When you say report to the authorities, specifically do you mean a 911 call if he says he is thinking of suicide? Thanks again.
BoxinRotz, I'm sorry about your sister.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
You can call the police and ask them to do a wellness check, perhaps they will be able to talk him into going to the emergency room, here a psyche professional will asses the situation and perhaps take action to have him put in a safe place for sometime.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yes, you could call 911 and report that someone has threatened to harm/kill himself. Most places have a "crisis unit" where they can do a psychiatric evaluation and direct someone to the proper help, or even admit them if they are a danger to themselves.
I don't know that I would call 911 just yet with the statements he made to you, but you know him better than we do. Feeling hopeless can be a good thing in many cases. It's what motivates people to realize their lives are unmanageable and be ready to accept help.
I don't know that I would call 911 just yet with the statements he made to you, but you know him better than we do. Feeling hopeless can be a good thing in many cases. It's what motivates people to realize their lives are unmanageable and be ready to accept help.
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