Guyver

After a big binge a month ago I got a throbbing sensation in my left side and that went on for a while, my urine was dark orange alot and I once or twice urinated small amounts of blood. My left side then started making gurgling noise loud enough for other people to hear (not the stomach). Now today I went to the toilet twice, first time was fine and then the second time there was bright red blood mixed in with it, and not insignificant amounts either. A few months ago a blood test revealed my liver was giving out bad results but not too serious.

I phoned my doctor this morning and I told him I drink 1 and a half litres of whiskey per day and he said that would kill your liver really quickly. He said it isin't an emergency as of yet but something I really need to get checked out but not quite "RUN TO ER!" levels yet.

I drink because I have been tortured by the local scum in my area for 3 years on a daily basis now and recently lost my father.. my last memory of seeing him was while I was being dragged off to a mental hospital.

I know I NEED to stop drinking as now I am getting bad physical symptons which will progress to serious levels if I continue. My hope was set in moving out of this hellhole house but then that fell through. My nurse says I need to hell out of this house and she knows due to the situation it is unlikely I will stop drinking unless this happens and even said I should book into a hotel for a week just to get a break from the scum and to reflect on things - I didn't I just drank my problems away.

I am stuck in limbo here, I KNOW I need to stop drinking and get checked out by a doctor (which I will be doing). Can't stop drinking due to the mental torture from the scum and the bad memories of my recent parental loss.

least

I am sorry for the loss of your dad. What kind of support do you have in real life? Is AA or counseling an option for you?

We are here to support you so lean on us til you start feeling better about yourself.

ScoutBall

Can you not drink just right now?
It's what I'm doing. Watching bad TV, listening to my dog snore, and drinking water.
I'm sick too, but I'm not drinking right now. Care to join me?

LadyinBC

Can you get yourself to detox?

Guyver

0 support from family, I am visited by nurse twice a week though just to make sure I am physically okay (have not dropped dead) or lost my temper and ran out and attacked one of those scum.. not much in the way of friends either.

Guyver

I actually do watch TV daily out of boredom, even while drinking .. wish I had a dog, my favourite animal. What do you plan to watch?

Guyver

I have a phobia of putting my physical care into other peoples hands who I don't know, that includes doctors or nurses.. I did try to quit twice on my own and did have to quit anyway when I was hospitalised for a few months, I did not feel no compulsion for drinking while in there at all.. that is why my nurse thinks it is this environment that is causing my drinking and I need out.

sugarbear1

What did the doctor say about urinating blood?

Guyver

Could be an infection in the colon or hemorrhoids that has spread to the colon area, both not life threatening right now but could get serious if the drinking goes on.

duane1

You need to stop the madness. Alcohol is taking a heavy toll on your health and you know it is alcohol related. Things like this don't heal while you continue to drink. Your nurse is doing you no favors by suggesting that you can't quit in the environment you are in.
10 months ago, I was a physical mess. I had developed gout over the last few months. My liver had started to ache every time I took a drink and throbbed during the day. Even then, it took me 2 months to quit.
3 months into quitting, my father broke nearly every bone in his body in a plane crash. He died 2 week later. Though I never was drunk around him, alcohol had turned me into a bitter, angry person. He never got to see the real me before he died.
Did this cause a relapse? No. Why didn't it? Because I stopped making excuses to drink.
You need to get real with your addiction and deal with it now.
Have you tried AA? I also agree that a detox facility might be the way to go to get some sober time in. Please keep us updated on your progress. I'm pulling for you.

Womble76

Can't help thinking that if you keep drinking then the scum win. Could you think that it would be a (mental) two fingers up at the horrible people if you got sober and did everything possible to get yourself relocated?

fallingtogether

Are the scum pouring the drink down your throat? Get out of your own way! If you keep drinking, what are you proving? That the cycle has no end in sight?

ScottFromWI

Guyver - glad to see you realize that you need to quit, but have you made the decision that you are GOING to quit? That's what it takes, regardless of your health or living situation. And you can quit in your current environment. As bad as it may seem, people have quit in much worse situations, and it's always easier to make an excuse to NOT stop drinking as it is to actually stop. Nearly all of use planned to quit, or were forced to quit by some medical reason, but none of us were truly freed until we DECIDED to quit.

And regarding your phobia of doctors, it's good to see you are going anyway as it doesn't seem like you've been doing a very good job of taking care of yourself either. They can help both with your detox/witdhrawal if that's what you choose to do, or recommend other types of treatment.

I wish you the best of luck, and please stay here with us at SR.

Dee74

Hi again Guyver.

I've followed your threads for a while now - I think we can both agree your life as it is is filled with chaos and unmanageable.

I agree with those who say you can quit today if want. Each of us had to deal with a world that drinks, a world that causes us problems, and drama.

It's easy to throw up roadblocks - sometimes even other people will provide them for us....it's a scary proposition that leap of faith into the unknown of sobriety.

I hope you'll decide this time to take the leap - sounds like the stakes are getting higher.

D

Garen

Guyver,

I am sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine what it must be like. I am fortunate to still have my parents.

To me, it seems the best way to get back at those nasty people is to clean yourself up and start treating yourself properly and take real steps to better health.

MyFitz

Good luck guyver. You need to cut way way back on the whiskey. Maybe you need detox for safety's sake? No one can continue to drink that amount without grave consequences... we are here for you.

ScoutBall

Sorry to not replay last night Guyver.
I actually fell asleep. Sober. Pretty damn weird.
I was re-reading this thread today. I'm not sure of very many things right now: But I know this: The alcohol isn't going to potentially kill you. It's going to kill you.
Hope you're doing ok today--and yes: We are here for you.

Guyver

Turns out is it likely liver inflammation, not really surprised due to the level of alcohol I am taking, I will be quitting on Tuesday (has to be then so I can get some valium to prevent potential seizure from withdrawals).. I guess I am FORCED into quitting - I think this is what it what was needed because having a choice was just not going to work. I hope everyone can reach the stage I am at without being forced to quit but do it by just deciding for yourself - much more a personal achievement

ScoutBall

Take care of yourself. I wish you the best, and I hope you come to see this less as "forced" and more of you making a decision to save your life.

shauninspain

As you know if you continue to drink it will kill you. That's a given. Which is quite a positive thing because there is no grey area. Therefore you can stop debating with yourself regarding the implications of drinking. And can accept that to drink is to die.

The scummy people will always be scummy people, and they'll breed more scummy people. However, you have one major advantage that they don't have. That is that you do not have to be a drunk, whereas they have no choice in being scummy. There is very little hope for them, but you have many possibilities. However, if you drink your situation with your neighborhood will not change. The only way to find peace is for you to do the changing. That may seem unfair, but that's the way it is. If sober you will be able to think clearly and plan an exit strategy. You will be able to speak to people who can help you, and put in the necessary actions to get out of there. It most certainly can be done with a clear head. But it will take persistence and clear headedness.

The loss of your father and the last time you saw him will not change. That has happened, and cannot be undone. However, what can change is your thinking around it. When sober you will be able to make your amends to your father in a way that is personal to you. It will be a painful but totally liberating process. But again, it can only be achieved if sober.

So all in all things are very simple and clear for you really. You either a) carry on drinking to blot out the memories and the daily misery, but changing nothing. or b) you make sobriety your ticket to freedom and dedicate every inch of your strength and powers to achieving it.

Fortunately, you don't have to do this alone, as there are many in the same boat as you, and who will be more than willing to help you. If I were you I would find out where the AA groups are in your area, set aside any issues/worries/preconceived ideas that you have about AA and attend meetings. Find the meetings that you feel comfortable in, and go to them. Don't go to the ones where you feel uneasy or uncomfortable. AA won't magically lift you out of your current problems, but will help you stay sober, so that you can tackle the issues with a sober and logical head.

Take care.