Hefner

This is my first post ever on here after dropping in here and there. Nothing really to add but my personal experience. Same as many. 20+ years of increasingly heavy drinking. I always considered myself a " Drunk " but not an alcoholic because I only drank Beer. Period. NEVER did shots and can be around a fifth of any liquor and not look twice at it. That is how I rationalized it. When I finally got sober last May I had exhausted my finances and finally got that long overdue first D.U.I. There wouldn't be a second one. My once lucrative career was gone due to lower labor costs in India. I had just purchased my home 4 months prior to finding that out. Instead of going into survival mode I went into denial. I would withdrawal from my 401K with the intent of continuing to pay my mortgage. I continued to live a lie by drinking my usual 10 - 20 beers a night and wasted money, my future survival, like it would always be there. Drinking in the Bar meant playing Keno and that would lead to another $20 or so a night. Fast forward to May 14th of last year. I left the bar and made the drive less than 1 mile to my house that I had made so many times before. Would tonight finally be the night that I got caught? 3 driveways away from my House I got my answer when I saw the Blue lights flashing in my rear view mirror. I had done everything right. Complete stops. Turn signals. Speed limit etc . . . but as is the case so many times the State Highway Patrolman fabricated a speeding violation as a reason to pull me over and that's all it took. I cooperated and blew just over the legal limit, I actually only had 5 beers that night which was a miracle in itself, but there I was. Cuffed. In the backseat of a Cop Car for all of my neighbors to see. And I was broke. Although I had found employment within 3 months of my old job being sent overseas, it paid less than half of what I use to make. And there I was. Cuffed in the backseat of a Cop Car for all of my neighbors to see. The closet alcoholic who had hidden behind his disdain of Liquor and his functionality. The next morning I woke up as if from a bad dream hoping that the pink piece of paper with the B.A.C. Level wouldn't be laying there on my coffee table. It was. I would walk to two different Bars that day. I drank like I normally would. I shared my story with my other " friends " who had almost all been in that Cop Car at least once if not more. And I remember walking home that night completely hammered and wondering if the passing cars could see the slight wavering in my stride. And I thought about my future, my squandered 401K and then I thought about my Mother. At 43 years old I was terrified of what my parents were going to say. They knew I drank heavily but now they had their proof. It was going to be the ultimate " I told you so." It wasn't. They offered me support and love and even helped pay my legal fees. May 16th of this year I will be 1 year Sober. Up until that day I couldn't tell you the last 24 hour period that I went without drinking. It was years. Over the past year of my life I have reconnected with my family. I have traveled to several destinations with my parents and I now see through clear eyes and think with a clear mind and I realize that all of those years that I wasted GETTING wasted I will never get back. But I'm here now. And I'm sober. I was talking with my mother over dinner a few months ago and she suddenly choked up. I asked her what was wrong and she looked at me, tears rolling down her cheeks and said " nothing's wrong. I've got my son back. "


It's good to be back Mom.

Dee74

welcome to SR Hefner - congratulations on your upcoming year

D

FeenixxRising

1 year is great, glad you've made your way into good place. Keep at it.

Coldfusion

Good going Hefner!

Your experience could help someone else here if you share it!

Hefner

Thanks everyone. I thought I WAS sharing it. Should it be posted elsewhere? Remember I'm new here.

Odelle

You have shared your experience, Hefner, and I thank you for the inspiration! Congratulations on your continued sobriety.

artsoul

You posted in the right place, Hefner, so no worries! Welcome to SR!

Your story really touched me, as I remember the fear/shame of telling my loved ones, too, only to find that they loved me just the same. I'm so happy your mom has you back - what a gift to both of you!

Delilah1

Thanks for sharing your story, I have started over again today. I am going to count April 1st as my day one because it is simple to remember.

DryRoastJim

Wow, what a story, I'm 3 years older than you and minus the house and the DUI I am exactly the same. I find your story very moving. I don't know how you are managing sobriety, but if you ever get that urge to drink, never forget what your mom said.

All the best!!

Hefner

You can do it Delilah. Sending positivity your way!

Scram

Wow, very impressive. I'm 33 years old, on day 2. I am scared to death I won't make it, but your story was inspiring.

Jeni26

Welcome to SR, and thankyou for sharing your story with us x

LadyinBC

Hi Hefner! Thanks for sharing. These types of posts are so inspiring for those of us who are starting out.

least

to the family from a fellow Buckeye!

2granddaughters

Hello Hefner:

How did you manage to get and stay sober for a year?

All the best.

Bob R

Anna

Welcome and congratulations on your sober year.

Hefner

Hi Bob,

I guess that I may be the exception to the rule. I do not attend nor have I ever attended meetings. I've done this on my own. Well not entirely. I developed my own support group. I involved my Parents and immediate Family. I also have a Neighbor 2 doors down who is 30+ years Sober. I haven't talked to him about it in a while but he is there if I need him. What I did to get sober ? I dumped my entire " supply " down the drain for starters and it wasn't easy. It's easy to sit there and keep it around " just in case it doesn't work out " or even " to dump it out would be a waste of money ". Trust me. Get it out of the House. I spent a lot of time talking to my Family about all of the mistakes that I've made as a result of my alcohol abuse. We talk about all of the money that I wasted, and the money that I now save. We have talked at length about how my drinking has affected them and it was depressing and it hurt. I have only been back to my watering hole twice since getting sober although it is a risk I wouldn't recommend. I stopped once to say hi and another time for my Fantasy League meeting. I was received with mixed responses. The ladies were kind and congratulated me on my new life. Most of the men didn't even aknowledge my presence. I was treated like Sobriety was a sickness and that I was contagious so they kept their distance. Sad in a way but a relief mostly as these were the same " friends " that I was worried about not ever seeing again. I will reiterate that putting yourself in a situation where you may easily be swayed back to the bottle is a uneccessary RISK and I seriously advise against it. I only included that part of the story because I didn't relapse and I figured that others could see what they AREN'T missing by not being in their old haunts. I won't lie. The first couple or 3 weeks were tough. I found out just how many things weren't fun anymore without a Beer Bottle in my hand. If I started to feel the urge to grab a Beer was getting too strong I just went to bed. I didn't want a Beer in my sleep. Slowly the urges started to wane and slowly I started to find things were becoming fun again without drinking. Slowly my urges to drink were starting to be replaced with a want to stay sober. It started to feel good not drinking. I found myself talking about it a lot with family and this was and is a constant reminder of how easily I could hurt those around me if I slipped back. My sobriety is no longer just about me. It is about others who are so proud of me and what I've accomplished and I'll be damned if I am letting them down. Nor can I ever let myself down. I know that I'll never be able to drink again. I'm wired differently. This isnt about temperance. Its about abstainance. One of my drinking buddies asked me when I realized that I had a drinking problem. I laughed and said " I don't have a problem drinking. I can drink with the best of them. " My problem isn't the " on " switch. It works fine but my "off " switch is broken. I just can't stop once I start. In summation I guess what I am saying is remove yourself from ALL temptation. Get others whom you love and or trust involved in the process. Find someone who has been through it that you can reach out to. I have my neighbor but maybe a support group would work best for you if you have tried it on your own and relapsed. If the urge to drink or use gets strong try and remind yourself of all of the bad that has come from your giving in to the Monster. I can guarantee that you will feel overwhelming guilt in the morning if you give in. Remember that feeling. I can't even begin to express what you go through when you wake up one day and realize that it is no longer a struggle. I was actually reduced to tears of joy. Once you reach that point you don't ever want to feel that remorse or guilt or shame that comes fom giving in ever again. I am not cured. There is no cure. I consider myself in a form of alcohol remission. I show no signs of the man that I was. I no longer miss my Bar or my drinking buddies. I have officially started moving on with my life and it is a lifetime of vigilance. My Monster hasn't disappeared. He's out in my driveway right now doing pushups and waiting for that day of weakness. You can do this. There is always someone on here 24 / 7 to chat with. Someone like you and me. I also did a lot of Internet searching. I know it sounds crazy but I searched for famous people who are recovering alcoholics. I don't know why but reading their stories gave me strength. I wish you all of the strength and direction that you need to get started on your journey.

Good luck Bob.

You can do this !

Hefner

And if you are already sober Bob and just wanted to hear my methods I say congratulations to you sir and keep it up!

2granddaughters

Yes, thank you Hefner.

Many folks post here that they've been sober for a period of time and seldom explain their recovery process.

All the best.

Bob R