ddrayer

Sorry to bother everyone. Just checking in on my second day. Feeling slightly better than day 1 physically. Pretty low emotionally. Got to a meeting last and will get to one tomorrow as well. Everything feels pointless and unfulfilling. Trying to get past the dark so I can find the light again. Hoping I remember the lessons this time around.

ThirstForLife

If giving up was easy...there would be no need for forums like these. Best advice ever is the one that says....you arent alone. Its cliche but its about as true as true gets. Just look at my avatar and when I joined and I constantly look for that light at the end of the tunnel...and believe it or not...its there. I've found it, felt it...lived it....just stupidly lost it....but I'll find it again...as will you.

ddrayer

Thirst thanks buddy. Yea I felt like I was starting to see a light starting to feel some freedom. I had literally been at the point where I wasn't craving, one night couldnt sleep and thought an early morning trip to the gas station for just one tall boy would fix it. Awful decision, and a huge bender later I am trying to get my feet back under me. Just feels like 1000 lbs on my back. Both the daunting road that I know is ahead of me and the current feelings of paranoia, nausea, etc. Just all the things we all are all too familiar with.

kiki26

Awesome your at day two! It gets easier, you can do it!

ddrayer

Thanks kiki. I'll be honest, I got on tonight completely selfishly. I just really needed a couple kind words from the community. And so thank you. Feeling pretty pathetic.

ScottFromWI

Nothing pathetic about a day sober, regardless of the count. Nice job!

Delilah1

Hi DDrayer,

I am right there with you at the beginning again, all we can do is start fresh, I know it is frustrating/disappointing, I feel the same way, but trying to remain focused on the positive!

We can do this, and congrats on two days!!!

ddrayer

Thanks Delilah! Hoping for another day slightly better than the last. I guess that and sobriety are all I can ask for right now.

Jeni26

Just think, if you keep moving forward, you need never feel like this again....

I felt like the world had ended when I relapsed last May. I decided I never wanted to feel so frustrated and anxious again. I committed to doing anything I could to stay sober.....

Stay with us. SR has saved me many a time.

You can do this x

ddrayer

I agree Jeni. This was the first time I went back that literally not a moment of it was satisfying. I usually get some thrill/enjoyment of that first drink, but this time was a dark dark trip of not enjoying a single moment. Not that it hasn't been bad in the past, but its scary how dark and overwhelming this has quickly gotten for me. I have been battling this for a while and I am starting to feel truly horribly scared that I am "one of those unfortunates," and just will never free myself. But like I said each time I start right where I left off but just going deeper and darker with my addiction.

Jeni26

I understand ddrayer. At the end of my drinking days I no longer made any pretence that was drinking socially or for fun. My addiction had totally got a grip on me. I drank because I needed to.

The last time I was drunk I had the total intention of drinking myself into oblivion. I sat alone in my garden with a bottle of vodka, and couldn't care less that my family were at home. I was wrapped up in my thoughts and self-pity. It was a dark place and the next morning I decided I never wanted to go there again.

I'm not especially strong. I'm an alcoholic. The journey away from that dark place hasn't been easy, it isn't easy now.

But I'm a hell of a lot better than that sad drunk that was sat on her own last May.

If I can do it, you can x

least

I've had more day ones than I'd like to remember. But I didn't give up and finally 'got it right'. So can you. Never give up!