Religion? Me?
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: United Kingdom
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Religion? Me?
I went to Easter Communion today for the first time in years. I thought it might be a nice thing to go to the church down the road as I went there to commemorate my partner's funeral when his family warned me off going to the real thing. I was apprehensive but I got there. I shed a tear or do during the hymns but managed not to run away and afterwards I really felt like it was a new beginning. But since then I've flagged and I've howled at the moon as I miss him so much. I'm still wearing my engagement ring and I'm not sure what to do about that. He died nearly 3 months ago and his family didn't recognise we were engaged and so I feel a bit of a fraud.
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Location: Anchorage, Alaska
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Why do you feel like a fraud? It is going to church that makes you feel that way or by honoring his memory and your love by continuing to wear your engagement ring?
Either way, it doesn't sound like fraud to me. You can honor his memory and your love any way you want to. Doesn't matter what his family does or thinks. Patsy, you need to let that part of all this go. Accept that his family won't accept you. And find peace in that. I would go as far as to recommend saying a prayer that they find peace in this, as you work to do the same. Can you imagine how much energy they use up trying to ignore you?
Take a lesson from their behavior. Don't be them.
Either way, it doesn't sound like fraud to me. You can honor his memory and your love any way you want to. Doesn't matter what his family does or thinks. Patsy, you need to let that part of all this go. Accept that his family won't accept you. And find peace in that. I would go as far as to recommend saying a prayer that they find peace in this, as you work to do the same. Can you imagine how much energy they use up trying to ignore you?
Take a lesson from their behavior. Don't be them.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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I should think they use zero energy thinking of me and I am pleased never to have contact with them again. At least now after not hearing from them for almost 2 months I'm not scared to answer the phone again in case it is them threatening me for more of his belongings.
I just feel that because we got engaged in hospital and his consultant was about the only person he was able to tell there is not really anyone who can back me up on this. I worry that people will think that I am a deluded 'widow' who is just clinging at straws. I didn't tell anyone really until nearer the end as we had been hoping he would be able to come out of hospital and we would be able to do the whole thing properly.
I know I should forget the toxic family but I am getting so angry now about how they treated us. Noone has the right to assume they can treat people like that. I think if I said a prayer for them, it would be that they can find peace if or when they finally realise they were hurting him as well as me.
I don't feel a fraud about going to church, just a bit guilty really because I have been lapsed a long time.
I just feel that because we got engaged in hospital and his consultant was about the only person he was able to tell there is not really anyone who can back me up on this. I worry that people will think that I am a deluded 'widow' who is just clinging at straws. I didn't tell anyone really until nearer the end as we had been hoping he would be able to come out of hospital and we would be able to do the whole thing properly.
I know I should forget the toxic family but I am getting so angry now about how they treated us. Noone has the right to assume they can treat people like that. I think if I said a prayer for them, it would be that they can find peace if or when they finally realise they were hurting him as well as me.
I don't feel a fraud about going to church, just a bit guilty really because I have been lapsed a long time.
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Location: Anchorage, Alaska
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Patsy, try this mantra: "what other people think of me is none of my business". And wear your ring with pride!
Trust me - others will think whatever they damn well please, with or without your knowledge and consent. And often, they are thinking only about themselves and their own lives. Most people are that self-absorbed, myself included.
And just think - since his family won't acknowledge your engagement, they can't make you give that back, can they?!!!
Trust me - others will think whatever they damn well please, with or without your knowledge and consent. And often, they are thinking only about themselves and their own lives. Most people are that self-absorbed, myself included.
And just think - since his family won't acknowledge your engagement, they can't make you give that back, can they?!!!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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Don't start me off on that one! I worry that I am too self-absorbed and too hung up on my own problems to even sometimes take in those of my friends. A friend's husband has made me a 'Sorry box'. I have to put money in it for charity every time I apologise to them! it's a shame, there are such lovely people about who care and its all overshadowed by people like M's family. I will, I will forget about them.
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Over time, Patsy, the "lousy times" should grow shorter, and the "OK times" should grow longer. Try not to isolate yourself too much when you go into those dark moods. That's when it's very easy to spiral down into morbid thoughts and feelings. I know it's the last thing you feel like doing--being around people when you are in that kind of a mood--but if you can force yourself to get out somewhere, even to the movies or a bookstore or something, for a little bit of time, it can help.
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