Struggling :(
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Struggling :(
I keep trying to focus on all of the amazing things in my life, three amazing kids, a good husband (usually 
) and a job that although ver stressful, I love! However, I keep finding myself slipping back into drinking at night, and don't like where it is going. Also, feeling sad, and can't quite pinpoint what it is. So rather than just saying "everything is great," I am going to get back to doing what I need to physically and emotionally.
Just emailed my counselor to get in this week, and reaching out to a few friends that I can talk to about this. I know I feel better when nit drinking, however, lately, I have not been doing such a good job of this. I bought Rational Recovery a while back, and never really read it. Going to start it today, and yet another day one. Plan on joining the April class tomorrow. The good thing is I have several night activities this week, and plan on exercising before or after each!
I know I can do this, so you will see me posting again!
) and a job that although ver stressful, I love! However, I keep finding myself slipping back into drinking at night, and don't like where it is going. Also, feeling sad, and can't quite pinpoint what it is. So rather than just saying "everything is great," I am going to get back to doing what I need to physically and emotionally.Just emailed my counselor to get in this week, and reaching out to a few friends that I can talk to about this. I know I feel better when nit drinking, however, lately, I have not been doing such a good job of this. I bought Rational Recovery a while back, and never really read it. Going to start it today, and yet another day one. Plan on joining the April class tomorrow. The good thing is I have several night activities this week, and plan on exercising before or after each!
I know I can do this, so you will see me posting again!
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hi, Delilah. Happy easter.
It's always a struggle to quit, to one degree or another. I got a lot out of the RR book. It helped to focus my attention on the reality of drinking vs. the myth. Like the myth that drink in the evening would be relaxing and and enjoyable—that stopped being the reality a long, long time ago. But most of all, RR drove home for me that there is no middle ground. I'm either not drinking at all, or I'm an active alcoholic. You're going to be really glad you kept at it—the kids, the husband, even work will be more enjoyable without all that old obsession lingering in the back of your mind.
Read the book. You absolutely can do this; there's no doubt about it. You know the life you want; it's yours for the taking!
It's always a struggle to quit, to one degree or another. I got a lot out of the RR book. It helped to focus my attention on the reality of drinking vs. the myth. Like the myth that drink in the evening would be relaxing and and enjoyable—that stopped being the reality a long, long time ago. But most of all, RR drove home for me that there is no middle ground. I'm either not drinking at all, or I'm an active alcoholic. You're going to be really glad you kept at it—the kids, the husband, even work will be more enjoyable without all that old obsession lingering in the back of your mind.
Read the book. You absolutely can do this; there's no doubt about it. You know the life you want; it's yours for the taking!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Hi Delilah, sorry you are struggling and I know how it feels to want to have a glass or two of wine with dinner or to relax at night like "a normal person." I tried that many times and never managed it without sliding back down the rabbit hole to full-scale drinking again. I would so love it to be true, though.
I did want to let you know, however, that when I first started creeping around here back in November/December, I always looked for your posts. You just impart a very positive and inspiring vibe and I felt better when I read your words. No matter the topic. I missed you when you hopped off for awhile and was glad when you came back.
So although you are struggling right now, please know you have a fan out here on the East Coast who finds your words very uplifting no matter the topic. Big hug to you and I know you can do it. You are too awesome not to.
I did want to let you know, however, that when I first started creeping around here back in November/December, I always looked for your posts. You just impart a very positive and inspiring vibe and I felt better when I read your words. No matter the topic. I missed you when you hopped off for awhile and was glad when you came back.
So although you are struggling right now, please know you have a fan out here on the East Coast who finds your words very uplifting no matter the topic. Big hug to you and I know you can do it. You are too awesome not to.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Originally Posted by Ptcapote 
Hi Delilah, sorry you are struggling and I know how it feels to want to have a glass or two of wine with dinner or to relax at night like "a normal person." I tried that many times and never managed it without sliding back down the rabbit hole to full-scale drinking again. I would so love it to be true, though.
I did want to let you know, however, that when I first started creeping around here back in November/December, I always looked for your posts. You just impart a very positive and inspiring vibe and I felt better when I read your words. No matter the topic. I missed you when you hopped off for awhile and was glad when you came back.
So although you are struggling right now, please know you have a fan out here on the East Coast who finds your words very uplifting no matter the topic. Big hug to you and I know you can do it. You are too awesome not to.
I did want to let you know, however, that when I first started creeping around here back in November/December, I always looked for your posts. You just impart a very positive and inspiring vibe and I felt better when I read your words. No matter the topic. I missed you when you hopped off for awhile and was glad when you came back.
So although you are struggling right now, please know you have a fan out here on the East Coast who finds your words very uplifting no matter the topic. Big hug to you and I know you can do it. You are too awesome not to.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Delilah, I love reading your posts and you are a great support to others.
I really believe in you, I see a strength in you even if you can't see it yourself.
I relapsed last year after 7 weeks sober, I guess I wasn't ready, really ready, to quit at that point.
But I didn't give up, and you're not either otherwise you wouldn't be here.
Get back up, you can do it.
I'm 10 months sober now, and my life has improved beyond all my dreams.
I didn't think I could do it. But I did. Ain't nothing special about me either.
Go girl, we're right behind you xxx
I really believe in you, I see a strength in you even if you can't see it yourself.
I relapsed last year after 7 weeks sober, I guess I wasn't ready, really ready, to quit at that point.
But I didn't give up, and you're not either otherwise you wouldn't be here.
Get back up, you can do it.
I'm 10 months sober now, and my life has improved beyond all my dreams.
I didn't think I could do it. But I did. Ain't nothing special about me either.
Go girl, we're right behind you xxx
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Delilah, I'm glad you're back and working hard on your recovery again. I think that taking action is the key and it sounds like that's where you're planning. Getting out in the evenings should be helpful and so is the exercising you plan. And, of course you can never do too much reading.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Delilah--
How much help are you getting from your husband?
Last night, my wife called me when she got off work. She said she had a tough day at the store selling ice cold wine, and wouldn't some cold wine be really good. And I thought, Oh God, yes it would, and I said "No, I don't think that would be a good idea." I was still very nervous until she got home--I didn't know if she was going to get wine or not. But when she got home, I could see that the smile on her face was genuine.
Her work day was long and hard, but not the string of disasters that was usually the case when we were drinking. We had a peaceful evening.
So sorry for prying into your household and relationship, but is there booze in the house? Has your husband been to any meetings with you?
How much help are you getting from your husband?
Last night, my wife called me when she got off work. She said she had a tough day at the store selling ice cold wine, and wouldn't some cold wine be really good. And I thought, Oh God, yes it would, and I said "No, I don't think that would be a good idea." I was still very nervous until she got home--I didn't know if she was going to get wine or not. But when she got home, I could see that the smile on her face was genuine.
Her work day was long and hard, but not the string of disasters that was usually the case when we were drinking. We had a peaceful evening.
So sorry for prying into your household and relationship, but is there booze in the house? Has your husband been to any meetings with you?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,335
Delilah,
Happy Easter You're a busy lady with a young family and demanding career with lots of responsibility. I imagine it's hard to find time for just yourself, and sipping a glass of wine in the evening has it's allure.
Try to make sure you are doing some things each week that you ENJOY. Take time for your recovery and carve out some time for yourself. I too, always love the positiveness in your posts and am so glad to see you back on SR
Happy Easter
You're a busy lady with a young family and demanding career with lots of responsibility. I imagine it's hard to find time for just yourself, and sipping a glass of wine in the evening has it's allure.Try to make sure you are doing some things each week that you ENJOY. Take time for your recovery and carve out some time for yourself. I too, always love the positiveness in your posts and am so glad to see you back on SR
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 192
We we in the ICU with my daughter right now (have been since Wed--she has the flu which can be dangerous right now), but I needed to type a quick response on my phone to you.
You are such a positive and caring person--that shows so clearly in every post you write. I am sorry you are struggling right now. And with your job and the kids I imagine your life can feel hectic. It is clear you are not happy drinking, and I know if you stick to that and reach out for help when needed--In real life and here--you will be fine.
I know you said you didnt feel comfortable at AA meetings and it is ok if it is not for you. But I have found the face to face meetings helpful for me. I enjoy going to the women's meetings and looking around and knowing that all of the women there have struggled wih alcohol--just like me. Who knows if I will ever really relate to all of the steps, or the literature. But it feels different for me this time, and I think spending time face to face with other alcoholics does help me.
Again, it doesn't have to be AA--maybe just other sober folks you might know, or another type of recovery group. Just sharing what has helped me--I hope you don't think I am trying to push AA on you...your path is your own. Just being able to talk to someone who you know also has issues with alcohol may help.
Keep posting, read RR, reach out, you will get there. All we all need is to keep trying.
You are such a positive and caring person--that shows so clearly in every post you write. I am sorry you are struggling right now. And with your job and the kids I imagine your life can feel hectic. It is clear you are not happy drinking, and I know if you stick to that and reach out for help when needed--In real life and here--you will be fine.
I know you said you didnt feel comfortable at AA meetings and it is ok if it is not for you. But I have found the face to face meetings helpful for me. I enjoy going to the women's meetings and looking around and knowing that all of the women there have struggled wih alcohol--just like me. Who knows if I will ever really relate to all of the steps, or the literature. But it feels different for me this time, and I think spending time face to face with other alcoholics does help me.
Again, it doesn't have to be AA--maybe just other sober folks you might know, or another type of recovery group. Just sharing what has helped me--I hope you don't think I am trying to push AA on you...your path is your own
. Just being able to talk to someone who you know also has issues with alcohol may help.Keep posting, read RR, reach out, you will get there. All we all need is to keep trying.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Thank you all for the posts, and welcome backs!
Coldfusion, unfortunately, my husband is not as supportive as I would like. He still drinks at night, and although he has cut down, has no intention of stopping completely. I think part of him was relieved when I started having wine at night again. It makes things more complicated, but he drank for the three months that I didn't so I can't use that as an excuse any more than I can control his drinking.
Pond Lady and Saving Self, I am trying to be better about carving out time for me. I went back to work today after spring break and I am now at my daughter's gymnastics class. I have signed up for Pilates at 6:15 and hope I will make it on time, my husband was going to pick them up but got stuck. If not, I will go for a walk, or perhaps sneak in a few minutes late.
Saving Self, I am sorry your daughter is in the hospital, I will say a few prayers for her and you. Thank you for taking time out to respond to my post.
I am glad to be back, missed you guys!!!
Coldfusion, unfortunately, my husband is not as supportive as I would like. He still drinks at night, and although he has cut down, has no intention of stopping completely. I think part of him was relieved when I started having wine at night again. It makes things more complicated, but he drank for the three months that I didn't so I can't use that as an excuse any more than I can control his drinking.
Pond Lady and Saving Self, I am trying to be better about carving out time for me. I went back to work today after spring break and I am now at my daughter's gymnastics class. I have signed up for Pilates at 6:15 and hope I will make it on time, my husband was going to pick them up but got stuck. If not, I will go for a walk, or perhaps sneak in a few minutes late.
Saving Self, I am sorry your daughter is in the hospital, I will say a few prayers for her and you. Thank you for taking time out to respond to my post.
I am glad to be back, missed you guys!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Garden State
Posts: 8
H . I am sorry to hear that you are struggling. Do you go to AA meetings? I am newly sober and struggling too. Most times I feel better when I go to a meeting. You might feel better if you just quit altogether, rather than trying the controlled drinking at night. I, too, have 3 wonderful kids and a great husband. It took me going to a rehab for two weeks to finally quit. This is really a challenge, but well worth it.
Even though we want to stop drinking for our family, we really need to do it for ourselves. Stay strong.
Even though we want to stop drinking for our family, we really need to do it for ourselves. Stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Sunny Florida
Posts: 304
Delilah,
You and I quit the same day last October. I too started drinking again but in February.Have now been sober 8 days. I find that I did learn a few things.
One is that the boredom of sobriety isn't as bad as i imagined,And two is that I don't know the word moderation.. We can do this Delilah!
Love,
Pook
You and I quit the same day last October. I too started drinking again but in February.Have now been sober 8 days. I find that I did learn a few things.
One is that the boredom of sobriety isn't as bad as i imagined,And two is that I don't know the word moderation.. We can do this Delilah!
Love,
Pook
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Welcome back Delilah.
Few thoughts that popped up reading your OP.
It's very common for us to wish we could have a drink or two like Normal people. It's the mind of an alcoholic that we DEFINE people by their relationship to alcohol! There are zillions of so called Normal People in the world that don't drink. I am WAY more normal when I'm not drinking and drugging than when I am. If the goal is to be normal, not drinking is one of the best moves we can make.
When I get overwhelmed, which seemed to be 24/7 in early recovery, I wouldn't know what to do next, and my default setting in those days was to get wasted. My sponsor told me that all I ever have to do is the next right thing. No worrying over the rest of my life...just yet. Just do the next right thing. And those moment by moment decisions will take me right into sobriety.
I am very overwhelmed right now in my life, and I have to go back to those words and that rule...do the next right thing. My default setting is not longer "get wasted" but I still get paralyzed and panicked over some things in life. The next right thing has never led me to regrets.
When we take drinking off the table of options once and for all, we have really simplified our lives and made it much easier to discern and carry out the next right thing.
Few thoughts that popped up reading your OP.
It's very common for us to wish we could have a drink or two like Normal people. It's the mind of an alcoholic that we DEFINE people by their relationship to alcohol! There are zillions of so called Normal People in the world that don't drink. I am WAY more normal when I'm not drinking and drugging than when I am. If the goal is to be normal, not drinking is one of the best moves we can make.
When I get overwhelmed, which seemed to be 24/7 in early recovery, I wouldn't know what to do next, and my default setting in those days was to get wasted. My sponsor told me that all I ever have to do is the next right thing. No worrying over the rest of my life...just yet. Just do the next right thing. And those moment by moment decisions will take me right into sobriety.
I am very overwhelmed right now in my life, and I have to go back to those words and that rule...do the next right thing. My default setting is not longer "get wasted" but I still get paralyzed and panicked over some things in life. The next right thing has never led me to regrets.
When we take drinking off the table of options once and for all, we have really simplified our lives and made it much easier to discern and carry out the next right thing.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,335
Delilah,
How're you feeling? I would have found it very hard to stop drinking if my husband was drinking every night. I was afraid to ask him to stop for a while, until I was over the hump. I was surprised at his response when I built up the courage to ask him. Have you ever asked him to stop drinking at home while you are in the early stages of recovery? I don't mean to ask him to quit , but rather to help by creating an environment that would help you succeed? Just a thought.
How're you feeling? I would have found it very hard to stop drinking if my husband was drinking every night. I was afraid to ask him to stop for a while, until I was over the hump. I was surprised at his response when I built up the courage to ask him. Have you ever asked him to stop drinking at home while you are in the early stages of recovery? I don't mean to ask him to quit , but rather to help by creating an environment that would help you succeed? Just a thought.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 1,010
Welcome back Delilah. As others have said, your posts are always positive and you always have a wise word to say to newcomers. I'm so sorry to see you struggling and I'm sending you all my positive thoughts right now
S x
S x
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