Fitness1234

So I dont know where to start really. I cant sleep so I thought I would vent.

You guys/gals are the only ppl who get me. Anyway I went 29 days sober!!! felt great. On day 28 I went to my first social event, a concert w my gf, through the help of my gf and another friend i got through it. I enjoyed myself even though I would of liked some drinks.

Then the next night, my day 29, I went to a dinner and before dinner I already had it in my mind I would probably drink. Well I did at dinner and at the concert I went to afterwards. I was ok. im sure if they didnt cut the bar off I would of drank more.

Next couple of days I didnt drink anything. but then I kept thinking how I am going to atalntic city soon and I know I wont be able to not drink so I said what the hell. So I havehad a couple a night. I am not sure what to think, I just want to be a regualar 29 year old. I am trying to moderate but we all know where that leads. I am not sure why I think this will be diffrent. I never wanna feel the way I did that day but I am in a contanct struggle. At this point its harder to say no to the drink. Is anyone going through the same thing?

fantail

Not me, but a friend of mine just went through this. She's not as much of a problem drinker as I was, but she was definitely drinking more than was good for her. So she quit for six months and really, really enjoyed it. She started up again afterwards thinking she would start fresh, and yesterday she said she's decided to quit again. In her experience, it went from being one glass at dinner every two weeks to twice a week to getting too drunk while out. She said it happened a lot faster than she'd expected.

I don't know your history but if you want to try moderating, I think it can be a good experiment if you do it carefully? I say with a question mark because I don't know, I haven't done it so maybe it's really risky and shouldn't be done ever. I guess it depends if you think you can really set rules for yourself and stick to them, and quit again if you can't keep them up. If you do try it I'd say you should keep careful track of how often and how much you're drinking and be prepared to cut yourself off if you cross the line.

least

to SR! A very wise woman here used to say that "you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink". When I reached that point I was able to stop drinking for good. How badly do you want to be sober?

Coldfusion

Welcome Fitness!

I hope you are doing well today, and come back to read this.

I like your name, and see that you have been a member for a while. Hanging out here at SR is better than drinking! Why don't you try some more of that?

Delilah1

I only had three months, but my experience was pretty similar, just one drink led back to daily drinking way quicker than I would have liked. I have been struggling for about 2.5 months now, and I am back to committing to recovery. I would like to say I wish I never started again because I would be close to six months, but I am using this as a learning experience.

Good luck with your journey!!!

Odelle

Hi Fitness1234, I think a lot of people are going through what you have described; look at the number of back to day one threads. I agree with Fantail, if you are going to try and moderate, please do it safely and exercise self-discipline in knowing when to cut it off. I was never successful with moderation, but that is me! This endeavor can be a slippery slope for many, so if you find yourself slipping, reevaluate your intent and goals and take the necessary actions to follow through.

hypochondriac

I always hated that struggle. I never managed any sober days in all my years of drinking but there were times when it wasn't too bad, basically times where there were no negative consequences to my drinking, and I am sure I must have been drinking less than normal. But when I look back the overall effect wasn't any different. I had to remove alcohol from my life completely. Even though my drinking never got really bad I know I didn't really have an off switch and that it was easier to not drink at all, but I couldn't even do days off because I would end up allowing myself to drink everyday. It took me years of not controlling to finally accept it. I guess only you know if you are able to control your drinking and if it's worth the effort. I found it much more freeing to be rid of it completely.

Dee74

I think you really are at a crossroads Fitness - you can ride the rollercoaster a little more....put yourself through another decade of coming and going, crashing and burning and then recovering for a month or so and starting the ride all over again...

or you can stop the rollercoaster now.

at 30 I chose the rollercoaster.

By 40 I'd lost everything, was sick, and was nearly dead.
I still can't remember too much of the late nineties to mid 2000s.

It was dumb, shortsighted immature decision on my part and I wish I'd chosen differently.

D

Fitness1234

Hey all..thank you so much for your responses. Already not drinikng for two days straight and feel much better then when I wrote this orginally.

Still at a crossroads, not sure what road to pick. I hope its the right one. I guess I am still in denial that I am an alcoholic. For right now I will not drink.

I do appreciate all of your responses. It is nice to know other people are going though or went through what I am going through