6 weeks in, a thought on drinking and relationships
now's the time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
6 weeks in, a thought on drinking and relationships
Hi all,
With quitting, I think we all hear a lot (and think a lot) about the really great payoffs that we'll get down the road... a few months or years from now. But I wanted to share an experience I had. I think it was one of the first moments when I've started to see how much better being sober is going to be beyond just the physical benefits.
I was hanging out with one of my very close friends and we ended up having a very deep conversation, and I realized that I've rarely while drinking allowed anyone to get close to me beyond a certain point. I would have emotional conversations with friends, but I'd be drunk, so it didn't require me to trust as much as it takes to talk openly while sober. So tonight, talking with my friend, I realized that even though I considered myself a person with a lot of close friends, I still held people at arms length to make room for this relationship that I had with my own drunk mind.
I was really glad to see that even now, so early in my efforts, that's changing. I feel really lucky to have the chance to build even better relationships with the people in my life.
I thought I would share that it seems like we don't have to wait for PAWS to subside before we feeling better.
With quitting, I think we all hear a lot (and think a lot) about the really great payoffs that we'll get down the road... a few months or years from now. But I wanted to share an experience I had. I think it was one of the first moments when I've started to see how much better being sober is going to be beyond just the physical benefits.
I was hanging out with one of my very close friends and we ended up having a very deep conversation, and I realized that I've rarely while drinking allowed anyone to get close to me beyond a certain point. I would have emotional conversations with friends, but I'd be drunk, so it didn't require me to trust as much as it takes to talk openly while sober. So tonight, talking with my friend, I realized that even though I considered myself a person with a lot of close friends, I still held people at arms length to make room for this relationship that I had with my own drunk mind.
I was really glad to see that even now, so early in my efforts, that's changing. I feel really lucky to have the chance to build even better relationships with the people in my life.
I thought I would share that it seems like we don't have to wait for PAWS to subside before we feeling better.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Originally Posted by fantail 
Hi all,
I was really glad to see that even now, so early in my efforts, that's changing. I feel really lucky to have the chance to build even better relationships with the people in my life.
I was really glad to see that even now, so early in my efforts, that's changing. I feel really lucky to have the chance to build even better relationships with the people in my life.
So though I do have a lot of friends I do not have a lot of intimate friendships. I feel like closeness comes from sharing problems and I can't say anything I am going through today is a real problem.
Well that's cuz in comparison to where I have been 7 jails, 14 institutions, paralyzed in a nursing home blah blah blah I feel I have nothing to share anymore. My life is so simple since I stopped drinking and drugging. No drama, no crisises.
But I try to be a good listener and offer hope that miracles can and still do happen. I want to be closer to others. I feel like God is paying me back for all the stuff I went through my whole life for 37 years.He has given me such peace and joy. I got through it all and lived. Today I just balled my eyes out in gratitude.
I would like to create some good women relationships though. Maybe it's a little shame from the past, feeling like I don't quite measure up. I dunno , now I am just rambling. Thanks
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 44
I can really relate to this post, on a couple of fronts.
I binge drank, though could often almost take it or leave it. I would probably go on a bender every one or two months. In between those time I drank frequently, drink was always very present. I almost always socialised in drink. I always maxed it when the opportunity arose.
I gave up before Christmas, and apart from not having excruciating week long hangovers after a bender, and smaller hangovers inbetween, the 'improvements' are subtle.
Emotions are coming through, I have noted. I have had a couple of social occasions during which I either have or haven't connected with previous drinking buddies, and been very conscious of this.
I recently went climbing in some mountains with my oldest friend, and frequent drinking buddy. At the end of the day he thanked me for my company. He hadnt done this befor. We had a great day, at the end of which I wasn't heading straight for a 'pint'.
I tried, but failed, to explain to my counsellor that I thought that if I woke without a hangover every day, when before I had had one everyday, then I would feel the benefits more.
I hope this makes sense, I think that if your drinking followed the patterns I had, then the differences will come over time. Being aware of them is very important, though it probably pays not to look or think too hard about them.
Good luck!
I binge drank, though could often almost take it or leave it. I would probably go on a bender every one or two months. In between those time I drank frequently, drink was always very present. I almost always socialised in drink. I always maxed it when the opportunity arose.
I gave up before Christmas, and apart from not having excruciating week long hangovers after a bender, and smaller hangovers inbetween, the 'improvements' are subtle.
Emotions are coming through, I have noted. I have had a couple of social occasions during which I either have or haven't connected with previous drinking buddies, and been very conscious of this.
I recently went climbing in some mountains with my oldest friend, and frequent drinking buddy. At the end of the day he thanked me for my company. He hadnt done this befor. We had a great day, at the end of which I wasn't heading straight for a 'pint'.
I tried, but failed, to explain to my counsellor that I thought that if I woke without a hangover every day, when before I had had one everyday, then I would feel the benefits more.
I hope this makes sense, I think that if your drinking followed the patterns I had, then the differences will come over time. Being aware of them is very important, though it probably pays not to look or think too hard about them.
Good luck!
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