ddrayer

and I'm back to day one. Its almost more daunting looking at starting over after a fairly long stretch. Today is the awful day one and man does it suck.

FeenixxRising

Try not to be too caught up in counting days. You're on a journey, you slipped. It's not the end of the world. Over the last 51 days you've been sober more than you've been intoxicated, so that's good.

I don't mean to diminish the danger of relapsing, but don't let it get into your head. Try to figure out what you did that led you drink again and make corrections as needed. Then dust yourself off and recommit, you will feel better in a day or two.

And remember that you went 51 days, that's an accomplishment, and you know you can do it again.

Odelle

ddrayer, glad you are back! I can't speak for everyone, but most people have had more than their fair share of slips on the road to sobriety. Pick yourself up, learn from the slip, and continue your journey. Fifty days is a great string of sober days and as FeenixxRising said, in the overall scheme, those days should be counted in the days sober when the reflecting on the past several months. Sorry, I like counting days (53 days today) because it is a record of my accomplishment. I'll probably stop counting days once I have strung together months of sobriety!

least

I'm sorry you slipped but try not to beat yourself up too much. Forgive yourself, learn from it, and move forward again.

ClearLight

Forgive but don't forget. LEARN. Grow. You can do it.

Congrats on the 50 days.

ddrayer

Thanks all. Just have the horrible anxiety/ill feeling that I hate hate hate so much.

FeenixxRising

Been there ddrayer--I imagine all of us have--and it does suck, but it will go away in a day or so (if not sooner). Recommitting will help, so work through it and know that your mood will improve soon enough.

SnwFlower

Forgive yourself and let go of the guilt and re-focus on your commitment. Congrats on the 50 days! The important thing is to get back in the saddle and keep riding forward. You deserve all of the awesome things that you desire to be and attain. You can do it!

Fallow

Yes it is. What is that annoying question again?

What do you plan to add to your recovery or do differently this time?

Wishing you the best

neferkamichael

Ddrayer, 50 days? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations.

ddrayer

nefer thanks for that smile. I have been trying to find something today that makes me feel less sick, but nothing is really working. Just sweating out the day at home and trying to get my head right. Just want that fastforward button to get past the first 48 hours (doesn't every one).

And about what I am going to change. I just got a point where I wanted to drink more than any thing else and nothing could get that from me. Going to meetings and calling people and such is great, but I didn't want to not drink in that moment (or 3 day bender rather, how I still have a job I am not sure).

deeker

You actually need to feel sick today, write down exactly how you feel, emotionally, spiritually, emotionally. Also write down "This is what happens when I think I can control my drinking." Carry it around with you. Look at it often.

Maybe get to an AA meeting if you go to them and pick up a white chip, sign of surrender. And just shake the shame and start over. At least you made it back, many don't. Glad you r here!

ddrayer

Deeker I am headed back. Oh and I know I need to feel sick. Keeping a journal is a good idea thats kind of what I used the blog bit on here for a while.

Coldfusion

Aww, shucks drayer.

Thanks for coming here now--I can't promise that "SoberRecovery will ALWAYS be there for you!" but I can say that you can come here 24 / 7 for inspiration. That's what drew me here in the first place--I was just looking--and now I know how to use this as a support system.

Stick with us please!

Dee74

welcome back ddrayer

I think we always have a choice.

sometimes the healthy choice - reaching out, stopping the crazy train and not drinking - doesn't look very inviting especially when our addiction is in full cry...been there...

but having the support network in place is priceless - those are exactly the times it's there for.

D

ddrayer

Thanks Dee definitely a good point!

IWillWin

Hindsight is 20/20...and not terribly productive since what's done is done.

You made it back AND spent 50 of 53 days sober. You rock. Keep it going and look forward, with the lessons of the past in your pocket to prepare you for the future. Hang in there!!