MyTimeNow

I'm in absolute bits. I've been drinking daily this last week and that has NEVER happened.

I was always every other day.

I was recently prescribed venlafaxine (effexor) I've always had a love/hate relationship with it and swore I would never take any mind altering drugs again. Ha.

I cannot believe it has come to me thinking I cannot cope anymore and I am so cross with myself I swore I would never take that medication again. I remember coming off it last time it was hell. I was completely out of control - I wanted to knock a woman out in the supermarket with a frozen turkey around the head...

Going back on this was a silly decision to make.

I know I need to taper off the venlafaxine as it is so awful cold turkey, brain zaps, mood swings, why did I go back there?!

Booze stops though. As of now.

I want my mind back, I want myself back, I want to feel 'present' in a moment. I miss the freedom that sobriety gave me more than anything. Not the thinking and planning - will I have a hangover. To be able to say on a Saturday morning... be up and out for 9!

I don't even trust my own thoughts anymore. I feel like I have completely cracked up.

I'm writing this for myself, as I KNOW I haven't lost the plot yet. But I'm aware that's going to happen soon if I don't CHANGE something about my life.

Love you ALL.

Hevyn

Love you too, MyTime. I can't take any of that stuff either - it makes me into a very strange person. I know what you mean about missing the freedom. You can get it back! Sounds like you are ready.

MyTimeNow

Thank you Heyvn

Odd but I do think I am ready now. Heh it's not like I'm enjoying anything in the alternative!

ReadyAtLast

Hey good to see you back MTN. sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it. Can you maybe see your doc for a taper for the meds together with stopping drinking.

Sending you hugs.xx

MyTimeNow

Have an app with doc in 2 weeks time so will slowly taper til then. Didn't mention drinking... I should I know.

Thank you for the hugs, missed them xx

MyTimeNow

I didn't really need some love at all - how selfish does that look?

Just wanted a hug and a little bit of understanding

ReadyAtLast

Not selfish at all, we all need and deserve love, hugs and understanding

Fallow

Hey MTN missed you here!

Sorry to hear you have been drinking more often, but it happens. You can put the drink down though, and put that turkey down too!

MyTimeNow

Drink is down and I don't plan on hitting the frozen food section anytime soon!

It is so good to hear from 'old' friends. Gives me a smile and reminds me of why I posted.

It's not a fight anymore. It is what it is.

Off to bed as it's 10.30pm here and DD is rising at sunrise 5am. It's morning!

ReadyAtLast

Same here .Can't wait for tomorrow night when the clocks go forward and darker in the mornings

Anna

Hugs from me too, MTN and I hope that you can easily taper the Effexor.

Keep us posted and let us know how you're doing.

CaiHong

Hi MTN,

Glad you are back and posting. You are going to be OK, you know what is wrong and what to do. What support do you have in your life to keep sober?

This forum is part of my daily routine to stay sober.

Have a good rest and "see" you in the morning.

Lots of love
CaiHong

2granddaughters

MTN I wish you the best.

I had to come to the point where I could let go of what I was doing, it damned near killed me. I had to be beaten into submission.

I had to surrender, not fight.

AA helped me pick up the pieces like Humpty Dumpty.

All the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put me back together again ... but AA could .. and did.... if I let it.

Bob

Mizzuno

Ugh.... Effexor is horrible. I was on that crap a few years back. It was the craziest thing to get off of. My brain zapped, my emotions were insane....I couldnt turn my head to quickly or I would see tracers. Good for you for getting off of that stuff. I also had to taper for what seemed like eternity. I am so sorry that you are going through this. You will make it through and be better off for it. Good to hear that you are stopping the alcohol. The two together are not a good combo (IMO) Be safe! Ill keep my eyes out for an update.

deeker

We all need some love!

artsoul

You can get yourself back, MTN and everyone will be here cheering you on...... No chance you can get in to see your doctor sooner? Hope tomorrow is a better day..... Take it slow until you can get the chemicals out of your system and keep posting!

MyTimeNow

Thanks everybody, still here and going through the mill.

With regards to tapering I'm just taking one (37.5mg) when I get the brain zaps and trying to leave it longer after each episode. So far it's just one a day, but getting longer between periods. I can't believe I put myself back through this. It's Easter bank holiday here but I'm going to ring for an emergency appointment first thing Tuesday.

Once again I feel so out of control of my own mind and my own feelings. I've quit this cold turkey before and it was horrendous, I was so angry, so out of control.

I'm doing my best to calm myself in my mind and understand this is happening due to coming off the meds. Keep calm and smile! But I have had 3 beers today already.

I really want my healthy happy, natural mind back - Drug and alcohol free. I feel so lost, I know I probably need an anti-depressant as have been on and off them since I was a teenager. I just don't know anymore and can't really think straight.

I WILL get myself back. I know that at least. I'm not comfortable at all with where I am at the moment.

Bear with me please xx

MyTimeNow

Just poured the 2 remaining beers out.

Going to buy a film on filmflex ride things out and early night.

Delilah1

Hi MTN,

Happy to send you love and hugs. I am starting out again with you. I emailed my counselor this morning and hopefully will be able to get in this week.

I have had two weeks off, and I have a busy day at work tomorrow which I plan on being clear headed for!!!

Looking forward to both of us being back on SR

Jeni26

MTN-we're all rooting for you.

I understand the anxiety. I've been there. I was on anti-depressants for years. I still get my spells when the world seems a scary place and I struggle. But there isn't anything that alcohol can't make a damned sight worse.

Please believe you can get through this. I believe in you.

I'm working with a therapist now, I've managed to get off ant-depressants, anti-anxiety meds and alcohol. I am doing this and you can too.

A clean life is a life worth fighting for.

Keep posting. We all care and understand.

Take good care of yourself xxx