And he never fails to dissapoint
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 9
And he never fails to dissapoint
I guess that as time goes by I get less and less surprised when I catch him in a lie...and today is no exception. Got home from work and I was exited to see him because he had been working out of tow, and apparently behaving...but of course that's never the case is it?? I feel that when he is acting like the person I used to know is because something is up. Behind everything he says there is a lie. I'm glad that I read the articles in Letting Go, I ca honest say that it is what I want...but I have said it so many times before that I'm not even sure I believe myself...I can't understand why if time after time he doesn't fail to disappoint me, why do I believe (or try to believe) that he can change, or that this will somehow work...
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 70
I think we've all been there Futurehope. It's part if our nature (as human beings) to think that next time will be different, things will get better, one day they'll wake up to themselves. The reality is that unless THEY want to change, there's noting that we can do. Dragging them to AA, rehab, etc against their will won't work. They have to want to get well before anything will change and the situation will improve.
As hard as it is, why not try to see the relationship with a fresh pair of glasses. If you were to meet him as a potential parter now, knowing his drinking habits, would you want to e in a relationship with him? My guess is probably not. The difference is that over time, we become accustomed to their poor behaviour - so what we once thought was unacceptable gtadually becomes ok, and what we once just assumed was decency and respect becomes so unusual that when we fo see it happen, we tend to over-inflate how wonderful it is.
Have you been to AlAnon? It's really good and will help you learn how to detach and have the courage to stop letting the A's behaviour affect you in the same way.
At the end of the day, you might need to think about whether this is someone you can have a future with. Would he always be there for you if you were sick/in hospital? Would he make a loving father? Can he be relied on to provide financially if ever tou couldn't work? Or would he put his love if the bottle first?
Keep coming back, we're all here to support you. Big hugs xxx
As hard as it is, why not try to see the relationship with a fresh pair of glasses. If you were to meet him as a potential parter now, knowing his drinking habits, would you want to e in a relationship with him? My guess is probably not. The difference is that over time, we become accustomed to their poor behaviour - so what we once thought was unacceptable gtadually becomes ok, and what we once just assumed was decency and respect becomes so unusual that when we fo see it happen, we tend to over-inflate how wonderful it is.
Have you been to AlAnon? It's really good and will help you learn how to detach and have the courage to stop letting the A's behaviour affect you in the same way.
At the end of the day, you might need to think about whether this is someone you can have a future with. Would he always be there for you if you were sick/in hospital? Would he make a loving father? Can he be relied on to provide financially if ever tou couldn't work? Or would he put his love if the bottle first?
Keep coming back, we're all here to support you. Big hugs xxx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 9
Thanks for replying, I'm not gonna lie, I'm still with him, I'm just trying to find it in me to leave, that's why I joined this web site, to get perspective, to get strength. A lot of people have told me to check out AlAnon, but I'm not sure I know what that is...
Thanx
Thanx
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
. I understand but certainly how you feel and agree with kasie! Take care and hope you find away to let go!
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