namaste694

...only this time it was at a work function at a new job. It was in downtown Chicago. I'm lucky I found my hotel room. I could have been killed or arrested wandering the streets without my group, blind drunk. I'm scared. And still self-loathing since yesterday morning. I'm going to destroy my entire life in one stupid drunk episode. Yet I know I will drink again as much as I want to stop right this minute. I've struggled with this my whole life yet lately I see it progressing and getting worse. I know this is how the disease works.
Well, I guess hello. Hoping for some inspiration and support.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

You are absolutely right. It will get worse, until it has taken everything from you, possibly even your life. I hope you decide to stop and make this last incident the bottom from which you will recover.

least

Anna is right. It never gets better, only worse, until something so bad happens that you can't 'undo' it. I hope you don't wait that long to stop drinking.

namaste694

Thank you both. I'm afraid when I feel better i will forget how bad/ashamed/guilty I feel right now. And, like in times past I will have "a glass of wine" which we all know is never a glass but a bottle. I need a plan, things to do in the evenings instead if drinking. I drink typically 2 week nights and 1 weekend night. Not sure what to do

RDBplus3

Alcohol addiction is a TERROR!

Chain yourself to a program NOW. Multiple programs NOW. Read the AA Big Book EVERY DAY. Go to the AVRT website and do the Crash Course EVERY DAY. Go to AA meetings EVERY DAY. Get contacts and call them EVERY DAY. Chain yourself to ALL of these NOW. BE AFRAID...BE VERY AFRAID. it sounds like you may not make it through your NEXT episode.

I KNOW...the addictive compulsion to drink can be OVERPOWERING and INSIDEOUS.

Dee74

welcome to SR Namaste

Nothing is inevitable if we don't want it to be.
You have the power - not your addiction.

There comes a time when we all have to draw a line in the sand and say 'never again' - it tales a lot of effort, and a lot of changes, but it's not beyond anyone, namaste - I really believe that.

If you're prepared to do whatever it takes to stop drinking, you will

You'll find a lot of support here

D

Hevyn

Hellow namaste - welcome to the family.

We have all been there. My life spun out of control several times, and I was headed for tragedy. I finally had to admit that dangerous things would always happen if I took a sip of that toxic stuff. Managing it was no longer an option - it never worked for me, not once.

Glad you have joined us - you never have to go back to that dark place again. Please keep reading & posting.

Pondlady

Welcome,
You say you need to find something else to do in the evening besides drinking, I did too. I changed my routine so I wasn't just sitting around when I would usually open a bottle of wine. I took a lot of walks, ran errands and cleaned the house. Try changing things up a bit and keep posting here

quitforme79

As you have said it will only get worse. The good news is that it is possible to get & stay sober. If i can do it so can you.

namaste694

Your comments are helping me tremendously already.

Opivotal

It takes "courage to change" I know you can do this! I remember being in your shoes, thought I was doomed to live the rest of my life in misery. Woke up one day and faced myself in the mirror. I was willing to do anything it took to get sober. Anything!

I researched, I reached out for support and I started making changes. Baby steps at first, as I was quite fragile. I will never forget, that shell of a person, looking back at me in the mirror. I hope to never see her again!

You'll find tons of support here. I'm happy you are reaching out.

neferkamichael

Namaste, I'm living proof that any person can stop using it all. Posting here is a good first step. Rootin for ya.

fini

I'm going to destroy my entire life in one stupid drunk episode.

could be. could also be that it's not so. i was destroying my life simply by alcoholic drinking, not by marked episodes of especially dangerous situations.

the whole ongoing out-of-control thing was destroying me.

if you still have the desire to quit , then know it can be done. yes, even by you. there's no reason not to have hope. your past does not determine your future. you're not doomed to unique can't-quitting for any reason whatsoever.
knowing you need to make plans is useful. making them is more so. implementing them and doing even better.
that there might or will be times again when you have "the urge" doesn't mean you can't keep going with non-drinking action.

lots of people to talk with here day and night.
welcome to you.

Yellowtail25

I just joined today too! I can sooooo relate to the on the job "drinking episodes". I once drank so much I went back up to my hotel room and passed out at front of my door. Talk about mortifying. I didn't get caught so just kept on drinking. And for me , one glass of wine has turned into almost 2 bottles a night at least 4 days a week. I have done a lot of embarrassing things but nothing so devastating that I hit that "rock bottom". I know if I don't quit now one thing is certain,I will. I think about that all the time. I can't let that happen! So, I will need your support too!

phebe

I absolutely needed a plan too.

I used to work nights in a restaurant and it became a regular habit to have wine after my shift, maybe 10pm. It was a wind down and then home, off to bed.

Fast forward thru a lot of drinking and a lot of personal turmoil (restaurant closed, moved out of state, terminated long term relationship).

In an attempt to change my life style, I switched to a day/office job. I was now getting done at 5pm. I continued to do what I had gotten so used to doing and that was still having the wine straight after work.

Needless to say, the evenings were becoming wasted (no pun intended) and the continued drinking began to attack my health.

I needed better hobbies.

I realize one of my 'triggers' is 5pm, or when work is done. So one day, straight up, I joined a gym. I began going everyday to avoid the 5pm bewitching hour..

At first it was just curbing the drinking to a later start. Then I would try (suffer thru) 1 or 2 nights without it. It wasn't always easy, but keeping at it eventually broke the 'weekday' drinking for me.

Having only weekends to contend with drinking, I thought my health would improve. It did not. Any amount of drinking was making my liver ache... and worse... and worse.

I was in pain, ashamed, alone. I had to stop. I had to, like you say, have a plan.

My plan was to not drink.

I am on day 21, 3 weeks. I go to the gym every eve after work. I come home and make an amazing concoction of tea (ginger, lemon, honey chai), or my new favorite thing, a mocktail of pomegrante juice, selzer, fresh lemon and fresh basil. I cook, cook, cook. Fresh cooking is quick and simple... sear a chicken breast, saute some spinach in garlic and evo. Wa la.

I have the weekdays down pat

I'm still learning the weekends. I clean, I cook, I hug my cat, I stay close to SR. It's helped immensely. It's been a good start.

Health and healthy living has become my number one priority these days. It's my new 'hobby', my new 'plan', my new way of Life.

Make that choice to find yours and you will.

Namaste to you too, Friend.

2granddaughters

Hello namaste694:

I remember that feeling well, knowing that the drinking wasn't fun any more and was out to kill me.

I tried everything to quit and could never stay quit until I surrendered to Alcoholics Anonymous. AA was my last resort and I nearly died before I committed to it.

All the best.

Bob R

namaste694

It will happen to me too. I know it will and this last time has me very scared. I've been having anxiety attacks since yesterday morning. Awful awful cycle of guilt shame and regret. I look at my family and just can't believe I keep doing this

Spirit08

You will have your bottom when you stop digging, until then you are a slave to alcohol and have no control over the drink whatever. My moment of clarity was when my 17 year old daughter telling me I had a drinking problem. It was my choice to do something about it and I can say that I am 4 and a half years sober member of AA.

Yellowtail25

Your approach is my approach.. I've gained 30 pounds because of how out of control I've been. I was an avid gym goer for a long time and lost that to red wine. I want to be healthy for me and set an example for my kids. It's not going to be easy but I will hit the gym when I return from Easter road trip.

namaste694

I have been working out since January but only lost 4 lbs. I'm sure it's due to alcohol. Good for you this is a good start plus it takes up time you might otherwise spend drinking. Just gotta get thru this weekend for now...and hope Monday isn't awkward at the office. Oh the dread. Horrible feeling. I have to remember this awful feeling