Sarasota222

I am new to this site. I am 18 almost 19. I have been to multiple inpatient and out patient programs. Mostly because it was court orderd. I feel I can not have fun goin out without drinking and when I start drinking I can't stop. Obviously I can not buy alcahol but that's not a problem for me, when ever I get some I always make sure to buy something extra in case I don't get drunk enough. Last night I drank a pint of tangueray gin by my self. I am not hung over at all, I don't get hangovers. A few weeks ago, I drank about a liter of Bacardi, by my self. And felt compleayly fine in the morning. I guess what I'm trying to say is once I start I won't stop until I pass out. I usually end up making a fool out of my self or exploding into huge arguments. Mainly over jealousy around my girlfriend. I have done some pretty messed up stuff when I'm drunk. I blackout every time I drink. Even if its only like 6 or 7 beers, I will not remember 80% of the night. Alcahol has caused huge amount of stress problems and injury. I jumped out my window to get a beer, shatter my elbow,15 grand. I got a DUI about a year ago. Pick up an assault on an officer charge about 2 years ago. Both times I was drinking heavily on benzos. I can go on and on... I think you get the picture. I am only 18. I have been required to go to 3 AA meetings a week for the past 2 years. I've been to about 5. Honesty I don't want to stop drinking. I feel my girlfriend would get bored with me or not have fun when we go out. I am very self consciousness and have very low self esteem. I hate my self. I asked to be pescribed Antabuse at 17. I want to be able to drink like everyone els. Not over do it EVERY time and black out every time

Coldfusion

Spend some time at this site!

You'll learn a lot about what alcohol will do to you and what you can do to overcome alcohol!

∞cf

avocado

I have news for you, it doesn't sound like you're someone who is ;able to drink like everyone else.' Some of us just can't. Your life is only going to get worse if you keep drinking. If you're doing such stupid crap now, you'll be lucky if you're not dead or in jail by the time you're 30. I'd suggest you look into some serious treatment options. In a way, you're lucky to realize this when you're so young. Just by what you wrote I fear that once you hit 21 it's all over for you. You won't suddenly become better at self-control once you're legally allowed to drink in bars.

RDBplus3

Do yourself a favor and resolve to Live a Good Life. Have you read the AA Big Book? You sound just like the guy with the jaywalking addiction. You will end up the same...unless you want to change. You only think life will be boring because you have not given a complete commitment to the ADVENTURE of a life FREE from the effects of alcohol. Being a drunken, self destructive, self-absorbed A$$, does NOT make you a fun person...it only made me a drunken, self destructive, self-absorbed A$$.

You are young. The people that have the most enjoyable lives pursue goals and journeys challenging to themselves. They care about making a positive impact on LIFE itself. Being a self-destructive A$$? C'mon, you can do better. The people on this website can help. Keep reading and posting...and growing as a person.

Anna

I hope you come to the conclusion that you can't drink like a normal person. You've already had so many problems due to alcohol and you're still very young. Take a look around and read and learn. We're here to offer support.

Sarasota222

I appreciate all your quick comments! I have never denied having a drinking problem. I know I do. About 2 years ago being 16 or 17 iv accepted tha fact I am without a doubt, an alcaholic... A little more about me. I'm adopted, don't know and never met my real parents and have no information. I actually don't even think about it. I did something's I'm not too proud of in highschool. And got SEVERLY bullied. That's a under satement. This has caused social anxiety, low self esteem, I think I'm under everyone els. I think everyone is always judging me. When I drink I feel normal and I'm fun to be around, i know that. But that lasts about an hour. Then I get to drunk

RDBplus3

The best 'Revenge' against those A$$ho!e$ that bullied you is living a good life. YOU can make that choice. You have people here that can help.

stopaddiction

Sarasota22, I just wanna say my 22 year old daughter is an alcoholic. She was arrested for her first DUI in Dec. She couldn't believe tht she was able to talk, walk, and make sense with the number she blew. The police wouldn't tell her the number, but the jail she was booked at 5 hours after the arrest was shocked she blew a .45(five hours later she was still blowing that high of a number). She started AA meetings immediately because she wanted it. The first three days were the hardest. She was brushing her teeth all the time, using mouthwash constantly, and drinking black coffee with sugar (alot like 3-4 pots a day). She stayed clean only a little while. She's back to thinking she can drink socially, but she can't. She's still battling this addiction. She came off pot all at the same time. Now she's back to smoking and drinking, but says she's got a handle on both. I know differently. I prayed she would never touch it again bc she's so young. Addiction runs in our family. She drinks and drinks once she gets started. She had been drinking for 4 weeks straight before her arrest. Coming home on breaks to get a drink..going in to work already drinking, getting off work drinking, and drinking 2-3 fifths of whiskey per day, and being able to walk, talk, drive, and function. I couldn't believe she wasn't dead yet. I thought for sure the DUI would've woke her up, and it did for a few weeks, but the court has continued her case over and over because they're waiting on the drug results from the hospital. It's amazing that after all this time the court is still waiting for results from a test taken in Dec. Anyway, get help, don't drink, go to AA. I went to her first AA meeting with her and it was heart lifting, and very supportive. When she got her 30 day chip..she was excited. Now, she thinks she's got all under control. U can help urself. Just know ur young and can bounce back..but u will have to be alcohol free. Good luck.

Sarasota222

That sounds like me.. Ill drink insain amounts of liquor and be functionable, I just become very short fused. Hears the thing.. When iv had a normal amount of Booz I'm fun and normal, like nothing wrong. Before I drink I so down and say to my self. Ok you don't have to drink so much this time. And I belive I won't. Then I'm out having a good time everyone's happy so I'm like ok it's fine and keep drinking then somrhingonor happens and I loose control. I belive If I can find a way to tell my self enough is enough ill be ok

least

But with all the crap happening due to your drinking, dont you think you should have said "enough" already? You say you don't want to stop. Keep on drinking and something will happen that will make you stop, and it won't be a good thing that happens.

Drinking as you do never gets better, only worse.

Read around the site and see if you change your mind about getting sober. I hope you do before it's too late.

BoozeFree

Sarasota your drinking at your age is extactly how I was beginning at 16. I'm now 26 and almost 6months sober. Quit sooner than later. I've had DUIs, cop run ins, nasty arguments ect and would think to myself well it's fine bc other young people drink and party but they weren't everyday the way I was and I came up with a million excuses like low self esteem and being boring ect but now with the few months I've been sober I don't ever want to go back to sitting around drinking all day hating myself. I am much more productive and creative with my time sober. And if your GF really likes you she should support your decision to give up drinking.

Hanna

Welcome to Sober Recovery, Sarasota22. You've come to a good place. You're going to find a ton of people here that have been in your shoes.

While it sounds like a very painful situation, it is so good that you realized at a young age that you had a problem. There is hope for you. My advice is to fight to find solutions to your anxiety, your lack of self-esteem and the shame you feel. I believe that is the path to resolving your problems with alcohol and drugs.

All these feelings you express are normal feelings that we all have had at times. I actually believe most people do. The difference is the way we learn to cope with these bad feelings. You are drinking to make them go away, but that really only works for a short time and just leads to more bad feelings. Vicious cycle.

There are positive and healthy ways to make these feelings truly diminish and disappear, ways to really gain control over your mind so that you don't have to resort to alcohol.
It takes a great deal of work, studying and learning, but it will be worth it in the long run.

I think it's important to recognize that anyone placed in your situation would feel the bad feelings you describe, but you also need to find a way to love and accept yourself. I think you'll find that many people here didn't get unconditional love and acceptance of their bio parents and that is absolutely a source of a great deal of pain. But there are ways to heal ourselves and find other sources of self-esteem and self-worth. It's something that we all need to learn to derive from within ourselves.

One thing you might want to do is some reading about the experiences of other people that were adopted. It helps me so much to recognize that I am not alone, and to find others who had similar experiences. It helps me to realize my reactions are normal and typical, then I can figure out ways grow beyond the bad experiences.

I googled "Support for Adopted Children" and "Adopted Child Forums" and there is plenty to read out there.

Also, just keep reading and posting here. It's an awesome community and you are bound to bump into others that care share their own experiences with similar situations.

Peace,
Hanna

PS: the big book is online in several places and there is alot of great stuff in there about dealing with this situation. You might enjoy reading it. AA may or may not be for you, but I actually love the big book and stories in there.

stopaddiction

Well, I believe my daughter feels she can handle it too. That's why she's back to having a drink here and there. However, the night after she got out of jail, and went cold turkey off, and had withdrawals she didn't think she would ever get over, she knew she couldn't just drink sociably. Her gf drinks and smokes, and in no way wants to stop either. It's hard for someone to stay sober when they are around parties on almost a daily basis, or everyone in their life drinks, smokes, and does whatever. I am thankful she hasn't turned to pills or worse. I hope you learn your weaknesses and deal with them. You may not think you are an alcoholic, but if you are drinking to excess when you drink then, chances are..you are. Be careful. Alcohol poisoning isn't just a random thing anymore. Take care..

Richierich777

So did you come to the site to stop or keep drinking?

Dee74

Seems pretty obvious to me you're here for help Saratoga

I wasn't sure I wanted to quit when I got here either - despite the damage my drinking had done - but as I read the posts here and I talked to people, I kept seeing my own story being reflected back at me.

I really wanted to be a normal drinker...desperately. Noone wants to be different. Nut the truth was drinking always got me into trouble...and as I got older it made me sick too.

I figured the least I could do was give not drinking a go. I'm glad I did.

I'm glad you've found us saratoga - there's a ton of support here

D

Hevyn

Hi Saratoga. We're happy you joined us. This is an amazing place.

You should be proud of yourself for recognizing (at an early age) this is a huge problem in the making. I wish I had - but instead, I tried to control what I drank. I spent decades doing stupid & destructive things, always believing I could somehow just 'have a few' once in awhile. My life was in ruins before I ever saw the light. This doesn't have to be you. Glad you are with us.